Jen Campbell - More Weird Things Customers Say in Books

Jen Campbell CONSTABLE Constable & Robinson Ltd
55-56 Russell Square
London WC1B 4HP This edition published by Constable,
an imprint of Constable & Robinson Ltd 2013 Copyright Jen Campbell 2013 Illustrations copyright The Brothers McLeod 2013 All rights reserved. This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, re-sold, hired out or otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser. A copy of the British Library Cataloguing in
Publication Data is available from the British Library ISBN-13: 978-1-47210-633-9 (hardback)
ISBN-13: 978-1-47210-741-1 (ebook) Designed by Basement Press, Glaisdale
Printed and bound in the European Union 1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2 Jacket design by The Brothers McLeod For bookshop customers, booksellers, librarians, booklovers, book-hoarders, bookworms and librocubicularists (those who like to read in bed). CONTENTS INTRODUCTION The world of bookselling is anything but boring. In the past year a drunk man has thrown up on my shoes, a woman convinced herself I was hiding Hugh Grant in our storeroom, and a little girl tried to get to Narnia through one of our cupboards. And thats just the beginning.

Sometimes bookselling is the best job in the world. For example: a few months ago a customer gave us a call and said she was looking for a book shed had as a child. She wanted to buy it to read to her grandchildren. As luck would have it, we had a copy, so we posted the book out to her. The following day, the customer called us back to say the book had arrived, and she couldnt believe it: it was her copy. Her copy of the book from when she was a child.

It had the inscription on the frontispiece from her great aunt, and a bump to the spine where shed accidentally dropped it when she was seven. Her mother had sold the book in a car boot sale forty years ago, two hundred miles away from our bookshop. Somehow, wed come across it and, somehow, shed happened to call us. Moments like that are just wonderful. On a day to day basis, customers of all kinds make the bookselling world interesting. This book will show you the weird and wonderful side of that.

The strange requests. The odd comments. The rude remarks. Not to mention the, quite frankly, amazingly awesome things children say such as the boy who told me that, when hes older, hes going to become a book ninja. I have no idea what a book ninja is, but I want to hire that kid. Children are excellent.

Chatting to people about about Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops, and travelling to other bookshops to talk about the book, has been a wonderful experience. Im thrilled to be introducing the sequel. Like last time, this book also has quotes sent in from booksellers across the world, and there are some quotes from librarians, too. Its comforting (I think) to know that people are saying strange things everywhere. Finally, this book has a little section at the back with some weird things said to me at Weird Things... book signings. Dont ask. Just read. Just read.

The other day, a customer asked me what my favourite weird thing was. I told him that changed all the time, but I have a particular fondness for the person who asked if Anne Frank had written a sequel to her diary. The man laughed and said: You should have told her that she ghostwrote it! I think I might love that customer. Many thanks to the Twitter followers and bloggers who have come to visit Ripping Yarns after reading Weird Things... Special thanks to the two French guys who acted out scenes from the book in the middle of the shop in French. Excellent stuff. And, seriously, to everyone who goes into bookshops whether you happen to say weird things or not thank you for supporting those bookshops.

Long live bookshops, their booksellers, and every single one of their customers. (Well, maybe not the guy who threw up on my shoes. Everyone else still counts.) Jen Campbell

Ripping Yarns Bookshop where I work, is an antiquarian bookshop in north London. Owned by Celia Mitchell, its been a bookshop since the 1930s. We specialise in old childrens books, but sell everything from biography and poetry to esoteric and ephemera. BOOKSELLER: Hi.

Can I help you find anything? CUSTOMER: Yes. This is your history section, right? BOOKSELLER: Yep. CUSTOMER: I can see youve got books on World War I and World War II. BOOKSELLER: Yes, we do. CUSTOMER: But I cant find any books on World War III. Where are those? CHILD: Mummy, who was Hitler? MOTHER: Hitler? CHILD: Yeah.

Who was he? MOTHER: Erm, he was a very bad man from a long time ago. CHILD: Oh. How bad? MOTHER: He was like ... he was like Voldemort. CHILD: Oh! Thats really, really bad. Mother: Yes.

CHILD: (Pause) So, did Harry Potter kill Hitler, too? CUSTOMER (picking up a copy of Little Women): Is this a book about really short people? CUSTOMER (pondering): How much would a signed copy of the Bible be worth? BOOKSELLER: Signed by whom? CUSTOMER: Well ... I dont know. Not God, obviously. (Nervous laugh.) That would be silly ... wouldnt it? CUSTOMER: Id like to return this Wheres Wally? book, please. CUSTOMER: Can you recommend a book of spells to raise pets from the dead? BOOKSELLER: ... CUSTOMER: Can you recommend a book of spells to raise pets from the dead? BOOKSELLER: ...

CUSTOMER: Just animals, you understand not people. I dont want my husband coming back. CUSTOMER: Do you make wanted posters for books? BOOKSELLER: ... How do you mean? CUSTOMER: I mean, can I bring you a list of books that Im looking for, and then you could make them into wanted posters and put them up around the bookshop, in case other customers know where I could find them? BOOKSELLER: Erm, I have a Wants book that I can put your list of books in, and then I can let you know if we get those books in stock? Or I can try and track the books down for you myself, by calling other antiquarian booksellers? CUSTOMER: No, thats OK. I like to pretend that the books are criminals, and that Im tracking them down, like Im the police. Its more fun that way.

BOOKSELLER: ... OK.