Jen Campbell - Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops

The Edinburgh Bookshop [formerly The Childrens Bookshop], Bruntsfield Place, Edinburgh, is an independent bookshop owned by Vanessa and Malcolm Robertson, also owners of Fidra Books publishing company. Their bookshop dog is Teaga, a Leonberger, who somewhat resembles Nana from Peter Pan.

CUSTOMER: I read a book in the sixties. I dont remember the author, or the title. But it was green, and it made me laugh. Do you know which one I mean?

CUSTOMER: Hi, Id like to return this book, please.

BOOKSELLER: Certainly. Do you have the receipt?

CUSTOMER: Here.

BOOKSELLER: Erm, you bought this book at Waterstones.

CUSTOMER: Yes.

BOOKSELLER: ... were not Waterstones.

CUSTOMER: But youre a bookshop.

BOOKSELLER: Yes, but were not Waterstones.

CUSTOMER: Youre all part of the same chain.

BOOKSELLER: No, sorry, were an independent bookshop.

CUSTOMER: ...

BOOKSELLER: Put it this way, you wouldnt buy clothes in H&M and take them back to Zara, would you?

CUSTOMER: Well, no, because theyre different shops.

BOOKSELLER: Exactly.

CUSTOMER: ... Id like to speak to your manager.

CUSTOMER: My children are just climbing your bookshelves. Thats ok, isnt it? They wont topple over, will they?

CUSTOMER: It makes me sad that grown up books dont have pictures in them. Youre brought up with them when youre younger, and then suddenly theyre all taken away.

BOOKSELLER: ... Yes. Its a cruel world.

CUSTOMER: Do you have any books by Jane Eyre?

CUSTOMER: Hi, I just wanted to ask: did Anne Frank ever write a sequel?

BOOKSELLER: ........

CUSTOMER: I really enjoyed her first book.

BOOKSELLER: Her diary?

CUSTOMER: Yes, the diary.

BOOKSELLER: Her diary wasnt fictional.

CUSTOMER: Really?

BOOKSELLER: Yes... She really dies at the end thats why the diary finishes. She was taken to a concentration camp.

CUSTOMER: Oh... thats terrible.

BOOKSELLER: Yes, it was awful -

CUSTOMER: I mean, its such a shame, you know? She was such a good writer.

CUSTOMER: Do you have any crime books involving speeding fines?

CUSTOMER (to her friend): Whats this literary criticism section? Is it for books that complain about other books?

CUSTOMER: Do you have a copy of Nineteen Eighty Six?

BOOKSELLER: Nineteen Eighty Six?

CUSTOMER: Yeah, Orwell.

BOOKSELLER: Oh Nineteen Eighty Four.

CUSTOMER: No, Im sure its Nineteen Eighty Six; Ive always remembered it because its the year I was born.

BOOKSELLER: ...

WOMAN: Hi, where are your copies of Breaking Dawn? I cant see any on the shelf.

BOOKSELLER: Sorry, I think weve sold out of the Twilight books; were waiting on more.

WOMAN: What?

BOOKSELLER: We should have some more in tomorrow.

WOMAN: But I need a copy now. I finished the third one last night.

BOOKSELLER: Im sorry, I cant help you.

WOMAN: No, you dont understand, Ive taken the whole day off work to read it.

BOOKSELLER: Erm...

WOMAN: I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS! NOW!

BOOKSELLER: Erm...

WOMAN: Can you call your wholesaler and see if they can deliver this afternoon?

BOOKSELLER: They only

WOMAN: And then I can wait here for them.

BOOKSELLER: Im sorry, they only deliver in the morning.

WOMAN: BUT WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW?

BOOKSELLER: ... we have many other books.

WOMAN (sniffs): Do any of those have Robert Pattinson in them?

CUSTOMER: Do you have any books in this shade of green, to match the wrapping paper Ive bought?

CUSTOMER: These books are really stupid, arent they?

BOOKSELLER: Which ones?

CUSTOMER: You know, the ones where animals like cats and mice are best friends.