Deepak Malhotra - Negotiating the Impossible. How to Break Deadlocks and Resolve Ugly Conflicts

NEGOTIATING THE IMPOSSIBLE

Also by Deepak Malhotra

Negotiation Genius (with Max Bazerman)

I Moved Your Cheese

NEGOTIATING THE IMPOSSIBLE

HOW TO BREAK DEADLOCKS AND RESOLVE UGLY CONFLICTS
(WITHOUT MONEY OR MUSCLE)

DEEPAK MALHOTRA

HARVARD BUSINESS SCHOOL

Negotiating the Impossible

Copyright 2016 by Deepak Malhotra
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First Edition
Hardcover print edition ISBN 978-1-62656-697-2
PDF e-book ISBN 978-1-62656-698-9
IDPF e-book ISBN 978-1-62656-699-6

2016-1

Cover design: Ian Koviak, The Book Designers

Interior Design and Book Production: Seventeenth Street Studios

Copyeditor: Mary Jean Haley

Indexer: Richard Evans

Proofreader: Elissa Rabellino

For Aisha, Aria, and Jai

Rememberevery problem wants to be solved

I F YOU HAVE NEVER faced a difficult deadlock or ugly conflict in your life, consider yourself to be among the lucky few. But if you are like most people, you have encountered negotiations that seemed impossible, and you have struggled with some tough questions: How can you defuse a situation in which no one seems willing to back down? Is it possible to negotiate effectively when you have no money or power? If your attempts at negotiating in good faith are failing, what can you do? How might you deal with people who are acting aggressively or unethically, or who are simply unwilling to negotiate? How can you resolve protracted or escalating conflicts?

Over the years I have worked with tens of thousands of business owners, executives, and managers. I have consulted on hundreds of high-stakes negotiations, deadlocked deals, diplomatic stalemates, and protracted conflicts. And I have advised countless people who were dealing with challenging situations or difficult people in their work or daily lives. One question that people in all of these environments ask is how they can learn to negotiate more effectively when things seem hopeless. And while many books carry nuggets of insight on the topic, I have struggled to come up with an answer when asked to recommend a book that deals with especially challenging situations. I have not found a way to share my conviction that even the most difficult of negotiation problems have potential solutions.

That is why I wrote this book. It is an acknowledgment of the fact that while those of us who study negotiation have written a lot that is extremely useful, we may have ignored some of the most persistent and important questions. This book provides answers to those questions.

The lessons in this book are brought to life through stories of people who managed to negotiate the seemingly impossible without having had the money or muscle to solve the problem. Each chapter tells a different storyfrom history, business, diplomacy, sports, or popular cultureand each story yields a series of insights and principles. Whenever possible, I give additional examples of how these insights can be applied in other domains, whether you are negotiating with an employer or a spouse, a strategic partner or a child, a potential customer or a terrorist group. I have no doubt that youthe readerwill find additional, more personally relevant, applications.

I hope that the lessons in this book will help you resolve conflict, overcome deadlock, and achieve better outcomes in all of your negotiationsfrom the simple to the complex, and from the mundane to the seemingly impossible.

The Most Ancient Lesson in Peacemaking

A MONG THE OLDEST PEACE treaties in history is the Treaty of Kadesh, which was negotiated between the Egyptian and Hittite empires over three thousand years ago, in the middle of the 13th century BCE With neither party willing to continue incurring the costs of war, and with each side wary of looming conflict with its other neighbors, Pharaoh Ramesses II and King Hattusili III sought to negotiate an end to the conflict. Such attempts are difficult not only because the issues at stake may be contentious or complex, but because, often, neither side wants to make the first move. The side that comes asking for peace may look weak rather than wise or magnanimous, a signal that no leader can afford to send. And yet, a deal was reached. Despite having been drafted thousands of years ago, the treaty has many of the hallmarks of more recent agreements, including provisions proclaiming the end to conflict, the repatriation of refugees, an exchange of prisoners, and a mutual assistance pact if either side were to be attacked by others.