Joosr - A Joosr Guide to... Taming the Tiger Parent by Tanith Carey

TAMING THE TIGER PARENT
BY TANITH CAREY

How to Put Your Childs Well-Being First in a Competitive World

Whats it about?

When you think about the term Tiger Parent, what do you imagine? Perhaps it calls to mind a neurotic father, shouting at his kid from the sidelines of a sports game; or a domineering mother who gives her child eyelash extensions and pushes her to enter beauty pageants. While such stereotypes do exist, tiger parenting is often much more subtle than this, and it is now prevalent in our modern society. The truth is that many of us have become tiger parents, without even realizing it.

Our world has become increasingly competitive, and parents have begun pushing their children hard to keep up with societys expectations. Long gone are the days when a childs learning was simply confined to school hours. With graduates from Generation Z facing one of the toughest job markets in years, parents are worried about their childrens futures. Its this worry that is causing them to put added pressure on their kids, who are now expected to excel from the moment they are born.

The danger here is that we push our children so hard that their lives become one endless competition. This can in fact hinder learning rather than help it. Now more than ever before, children are developing anxiety disorders, burdened by a constant need to achieve. They have concentration issues and battle with depression because they are relentlessly struggling to do moreand do better.

Taming the Tiger Parent shows you how to let go of your inner tiger when it comes to parenting. It explains that you are not to blame, and that it is never too late to turn things around, becoming a parent who is supportive and available. Learn the actions you should take to ensure that your child has a better relationship with you as a parent, with their friends and peers, and with the world around them. If you want to raise a happy, confident child, its time to put away your claws, for good.

Try not to put the focus solely on academic achievement

Pushy parenting has become the norm. No longer is it acceptable for a child to fit into the average bracket, as this is now synonymous with failure. Strict assessments and exams in schools show just how far along your child is progressing, directly comparing them with their peers. Important milestones, such as a toddler taking its first step, are broadcast on Facebook, causing parents of children who are taking a little longer to develop to break out in a sweat.

A majority of parents will succumb to being pushy at some point in their childs upbringing due to societal pressures. Thats why it is important to take a step back and really consider what you want for your offspring. Would you be happy if they ended up at a top university, and yet are fraught with anxiety and lack self-confidence? Or would you rather they were emotionally balanced? Keep in mind the fact that most children who arent necessarily high-flyers early on, but who are happy and confident, often move on to have a far more fulfilling professional and social life.

There are several steps you can take to ensure that you allow your child to develop at their own pace. First, dont let high competition and exam results be their only goal, and dont get obsessed with academic levels of achievement. Learn to think outside of the box. Value careers from across the boardfrom shop assistant to firefighter to artist to lawyer. Try not to set out a strict path for your child, but let them come to their own conclusionsencouraging them when they show interest in a particular subject or activity.

Make a conscious effort to value your childs every attribute, not just the academic ones, to help them develop in a more rounded sense. Ask them about their day at schooland not just about the educational parts. If they had an enjoyable interaction with a friend, acknowledge this positively. If they were picked to help clean up the classroom, congratulate them. Your child will soon understand that they are valued as a person, and not just for their grades.

Valuing your childs attributes outside of the classroom and allowing them to take some of the decision-making power into their own hands will prevent you from becoming a pushy parent, ensuring that both you and your child are happier and more relaxed.

Increase your childs self-confidence by banishing negative self-talk and affirming their many positive qualities

Child psychologists have established that children start comparing themselves with their friends and classmates from as young as five. In most schools, children will be separated somehow, often into groups identified by a color. This streaming is designed to allow the students to learn with peers that are at the same level. However, more often than not, this can create a feeling of division, and can even lead to bullying from the higher-achieving groups.

When children see their achievements in black or whiteor in the classrooms case as red, yellow, green, or bluethey immediately make the assumption that they are either good or bad at certain things. Even if they do well in a task, the air of competition that is so instilled in their minds will cause them to compare their results with those of peers who did better than them.

If your child starts judging themselves against other children, this can negatively affect their self-belief and self-worth. Banish negative self-talk such as I am stupid, I didnt deserve that grade, or They did better, replacing this with positivity. Affirm the admirable qualities that they do have, such as kindness or courage. Remind them of that beautiful song they played on the piano last week, or the time they made a creative present for your birthday. Acknowledging these talents will make them feel confident, which in turn will make them more open and comfortable when it comes to learning in the classroom.

Start to challenge the black-and-white thinking. If your child receives a bad mark, do they say that they always do badly or that they never get good grades? Rather than brush it off and tell them that it isnt true, challenge their statement. Ask them to think back to previous tests in which they received a good grade. And reassure them that while they might not have done as well today, this doesnt mean that they wont in the future.

Taking small steps such as banishing negative self-talk and affirming your childs positive qualities can have a great effect on their confidence levels. Let your child see that their capabilities are not black and white, and remind them of the many other talents they possess that they should be proud of.

Getting angry with your child only serves to increase feelings of insecurity

Kids these days start out with an achievement-based upbringing from the get-go. Because of this the sooner, the better attitude, we are now correcting and constructively criticizing our children at a younger age. This means they are given less time to form their own opinions and sense of self, and instead look to their parents to derive their self-esteem.

Be aware of your tone of voice when you talk to your child. You should never shout during a learning situation, as this only slows down their progression and will negatively affect their confidence. Try to imagine what would happen if someone asked you to read a long passage in a language you had not studied. You might be able to sound the words, but you certainly wont understand what youre saying. An angry figure of authority shouting at you for not knowing the meaning is not going to make you learn any faster. Instead, just like a child, you are likely to mentally withdraw as your levels of anxiety grow.