Carnegie - A Joosr guide to How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie

Dealing with people is probably the biggest challenge everybody faces no matter what their occupation, goals or ambitions. By applying the principles contained in this book, you can increase your confidence, your influence and your effectiveness. You will learn how to get others working alongside you instead of pulling in their own direction. By taking the time and effort to learn how to better interact with people around us, we increase our ability to do anything we want to do.

The Principles Of Good Leadership

Begin with sincere praise and honest appreciation and people are much likely to accept constructive criticism than they would be if you start with the criticism itself.

It is always easier for a person to accept criticism if they get some praise first. If you want to skillfully influence others, looks for things they do very well before you start to talk to them about things they could do better at. The difference in their attitude will make it all worthwhile.

An effective way to correct the mistakes other people make is to draw their attention to them indirectly. People then feel more important and more likely to make the change required on their own initiative.

When criticizing, never use the word "but". People listen until they hear a "but" and then they have a change in their mental gearing as they wait for the problems to come out. Swap the "but" for "and" in any conversation and see what an amazing difference it makes to the way people listen to your thoughts.

"But" "Were really proud of you John, but if you worked harder you could do much better."

"And" "Were really proud of you John, and if you keep up this level of work, your grades will get up to where they should be."

You will find that calling peoples attention to their mistakes indirectly will work, even for those who bitterly resent any direct criticism. Controversy and bad feelings can be avoided and a cooperative spirit fostered through the use of indirect criticism.

If you talk about your own mistakes first when criticizing anyone else, you will find they become much more responsive to accepting advice from you.

It is not nearly as difficult to listen to a recital of your own mistakes when the other person begins by recounting their mistakes. It eases the tension, clears the air and fosters a spirit of cooperation.

Admitting ones own mistakes, even when one hasnt changed them, can help convince somebody to change their ways.

When working with assistants or associates, if you couch your requests as suggestions rather than orders, people are much more likely to feel good about helping. If they feel like they are calling the shots, they feel much more like its their responsibility to make it work.

Instead of "Do this," or "Dont do that", try "You might consider this,"

or "Do you think this would work?" or "Maybe if we were to phrase it this way it might be better." This technique makes it easy for people to save their own pride, gives them a feeling of importance and marks you as a reasonable person to work with. It encourages cooperation instead of rebellion

It also has the spin-off benefit that it stimulates the creativity of the person whom you ask. They may be able to come up with something even better than you could have done by simply ordering them around. Your associates and assistants will approach the task with am entirely different attitude than they would have if you simply ordered them to do something.

When you have to do something unpleasant, take account of the other persons feelings and let them save face.

You can foster a much better and more productive working environment if you give other people the opportunity to do things themselves. By suggesting a course of action and then letting the other person do things as well as they possibly can, you create a situation where people who work for you can excel. It also encourages cooperation as opposed to rebellion.

Asking questions rather than barking out orders makes your instructions more palatable and stimulates the creativity of the people who work for you.

Be absolutely and unfailingly hearty in your praise of every improvement. People will blossom right before your eyes.

This is a positive approach to the concept of motivating and influencing people. Praise the good rather than criticize the bad. It is much more effective in both the long run and the short run. Just a few words of praise can sometimes change a persons entire future.

The next time you are tempted to harp on about someones failure, instead try praising them sincerely for something else and see what sort of results you get from that.

If you give a person a fine reputation to live up to, people have a funny habit of actually living up to that reputation you gave them.

If you want to improve a person in a certain respect, act as though that particular trait were already one of his or her outstanding characteristics.

"Assume a virtue, if you have it not."

-William Shakespeare

When people fail, use encouragement. This simply makes any faults seem easy to correct.

Be liberal with your encouragement, make the things seem easy to do, let the other person know you have faith in their ability to do something, that they have an undeveloped flair for it, and they will practice it from dawn until sundown in order to excel.

People are more likely to do what you want them to do when you make the other person happy about doing the things you suggest.

If you always find a way to make the other person feel happy about doing the things you suggest, you will get much better results out of them. Sometimes this requires tact. For example, if you are unable to help someone by doing what they ask, you can deflect their unhappiness by helping them find someone else to take your place.

Use the following guidelines;

1. Be sincere. Dont promise anything you cant or wont deliver.
2. Know exactly what it is you want the other person to do.
3. Be empathetic. Look at it from the other persons point of view.
4. Consider the actual benefits the other person will receive.
5. Match those benefits to the other persons wants.
6. Couch your requests in terminology that vividly portrays the actual benefits the other person will receive.

Fundamental Techniques In Handling People

1. If You Want To Gather Honey, Dont Kick Over The Beehive
   Dont criticize, condemn or complain.
2. The Big Secret Of Dealing With People
   Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. He Who Can Do This Has The Whole World With Him.
   He Who Cannot Walks A Lonely Way