A Joosr Guide to... How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE
BY DALE CARNEGIE

Whats it about?

How to Win Friends and Influence People is author Dale Carnegies attempt to help readers do just thatwin friends and influence people. Throughout the book, Carnegie plants new ideas and fresh perspectives in readers minds, helping them break out of their mental humdrum. He coaches them to become more friendly and likable. He prepares them for a life of prestige, power, and popularity.

Readers learn how to become better at their jobs and earn more. They discover ingenious ways of converting customers, winning clients, handling complaints, and managing arguments. They understand the power of good conversational skills and active listening in daily life, and learn how to put that power to good use.

Readers also learn how to be more entertaining in their conversations with other people. There are several other insights in the book, which help readers uncover the secrets to a successful personal, professional, and social life.

The numerous techniques discussed in the book are deeply rooted in human psychology, and revolve around making others feel important and appreciated. These involve general tips on treating people the right way to ensure that unhappiness or bitterness doesnt arise in the first place. Tips on handling complaints or resentments smoothly are also provided. An array of real-life examples and stories are used throughout the book to demonstrate how people have used the tips and techniques mentioned to great effect.

The book helps executives and leaders motivate their associates in the workplace. Techniques to become a better salesperson or administrator are discussed. But thats not all. The book also leaves readers with some very useful lessons in daily family life. There are tips for both husbands and wives to make their lives happier.

Want people to like you? Show genuine interest

Dont you just love being around people who make you feel special? Wouldnt you want to be friends with someone who treats you like an important personcalls you by your name, greets you with a smile, and happens to be genuinely interested in things that matter to you? Of course you would. And why not? Theres something very pleasant, very likable about a person who makes you feel heard, understood, loved, and important.

It stands to reason, then, that to become a pleasant and likable person yourself, you have to show interest in and appreciation for the people around you. The best way to do this is to develop a genuine interest in other people. That way, you dont have to worry about coming across as insincere and can focus on the next step: displaying your interest through words, gestures, and body language.

So how do you show genuine interest in people and make them like you? There are a couple of ways, perhaps the easiest of which is to remember and use their name. People hold their name in high regard and appreciate when others remember and use it. So whenever you have to meet someone, research their complete name and some facts about their family. Names of parents, spouse or children, important people in their business, or the place where they come from: all these are good things to know and remember.

Another thing you can do to show genuine interest is extend a warm greeting. An enthusiastic greeting reflects your excitement in having met the person and demonstrates that you are really happy to see them.

By coupling the greeting with a smile, you can make the person like you even more. Your smile demonstrates that they make you genuinely happy. It makes them feel loved, appreciated, and important. And, as silly as it sounds, smiling even when you are speaking on the phone is a good idea as well. The happiness reflects in your voice and conveys your excitement in speaking to them.

Another good way to make someone feel important is to focus conversation on them. You can be a good conversationalist by talking about their interests, achievements, and life in general. This massages their ego and makes them feel good, which in turn makes them like you. To be a good conversationalist you also need to ask questions. Focus on questions you know they would enjoy answering.

And listen. Listen to what they have to say with interest. Then ask follow-up questions that demonstrate both that you have been listening and that you are interested in what they are saying. Being a good listener is, in fact, an important part of being a good conversationalist. Listening patiently and attentively is flattering. It shows your appreciation of things that matter to them, and will make you a well-liked person.

Want people to like you? Conduct yourself accordingly

Do you like to be around people who criticize you constantly? Do you like to be around people who show no appreciation for either you or anything you do? Conversely, do you like to be around people who shower you with shameless flattery all the time? No, you dont. No one does.

Consequently, no one will like to be around you if they are subject to criticism, disregard, disapproval, or even flattery. Thoughtfulness and sincerity are the keys to conducting yourself in a way that will make people like you. Instead of finding faults with others and putting them down through your words or actions, make a sincere attempt to understand their reasons. What you discover may turn your disregard or hate into compassion. It will help you be more understanding, if not totally supportive.

At the same time, ensure your priority is to find reasons to appreciate and not to criticize. Whenever you find such a reason, make your appreciation known to them. Notice how this is different from flattery. Here you give a sincere appreciation, an honest recognition. You convey exactly what it is that you like about the other person because you have just found that reason.

The presentation you gave yesterday was great! is sincere appreciation. This color looks great on you! is sincere appreciation. Youre the best manager we have! or You always look good! on the other hand, are probably going to be construed as flattery. No one likes mindless flattery. Besides, appreciating people sincerely for the small things that they do well motivates them to do those things even better. It makes you an important part of their personal or professional growth; something theyll love you for.

Another important aspect of conducting yourself correctly to win friends and influence people is adding value. When your conversations with other people are centered on their needs and wants, you add value by prioritizing their desires over yours. But, dont just stop there. Win friends by helping them fulfill their needs and wants.

Want people to like you? Avoid arguments at all costs

You know who wins an argument? No one. There is no true winner in an argument. Not even the party that managed to have the final word. This is because every argument causes hurt and discomfort to those involved, and can be especially damaging for the party that fails to have the final say. It is humiliating, annoying, and distressing. It is how you lose friends and alienate people.

Thus, if you want people to like you, avoid arguments. Adopt diplomacy. Favor reconciliation. Put yourself in their shoes and see how they see things. This will help you stay calm and think things through with a level head. A good idea is to encourage the other person to present their views first. Listen attentively and actively look for areas to agree with them. Another good idea is to try and postpone the argument for a day or two. Again, this will help you think things through in a more calm and mature manner.