Erica Komisar - Being there : why prioritizing motherhood in the first three years matters

A must-read for young women struggling with the inner conflict between mothering and career-making. Komisar brilliantly distills the potency of present mothering from her experience as a psychoanalyst and parenting coach. She also evokes the emotional pain of babies and toddlers when their mothers are often absent or inattentive and the wormhole to adolescence where all those unresolved losses will be replayed at a more punishing stage. I only wish that I and many driven career women of my early feminist generation had read this essential guide before we sacrificed Being There to proving ourselves in a mans world.

Gail Sheehy, author of Passages and Daring: My Passages

Being There is a terrific and very timely book that is much needed as our country is dealing with an epidemic of emotionally troubled children, adolescents, and mothers. Well-written and researched with excellent documentation from respected experts in this field, it should be read not only by current and prospective mothers and fathers, but also by those who care for young children in a variety of settings.

Thomas McInerny MD, FAAP, past president of the American Academy of Pediatrics

Its hard to believe, but the United States is actually behind, well behind, the rest of the world in maternity leave policy. We all, not just the mothers, fathers, and children, pay dearly for this. In this book, Erica Komisar provides hardheaded and practical advice for families and policy makers. It is a rare and valuable contribution to the field.

Leslie H. Gelb, president emeritus of the Council on Foreign Relations

It should not take a psychoanalyst to explain the importance of maternal love and support in the formation of a child, but Erica Komisar in her book Being There does just that, cutting through the head-spinning Mommy Wars that have haunted this generation of parents. Her challenging assessment that absent and distracted mothers leave their children forever less happy will upset apple carts and give many overtaxed young parents pause, but she accompanies her tough medicine with realistic tools and strategies to help caregivers meet their challenging task. Komisars book is difficult but necessary reading for any parent-to-be.

Eric L. Motley, Ph.D., executive vice president of the Aspen Institute

Being There is a mindful and honest approach to both the joys and challenges of motherhood. This must-read guidebook for stay-at-home and working mothers shows us how to be present not only for our babies but for our lives.

Mary T. Cantwell, co-director of the Garden House School of New York

Heres the problem. That beautiful baby doesnt arrive with a how-to manual in his chubby arms, and Id come to believe that there is no right way to bring up a child. But along comes Erica Komisar, a warm and experienced psychoanalyst, with the key to the puzzle of how to achieve two things at once: a kid set to become a happy, emotionally secure person, and a mother who is effective and fulfilled. It happens, simply, by being there most of the time throughout the first three years of a babys life. If you think this isnt for you, just read this book and think again. Nobody said it would be easy.

Marilyn Berger Hewitt, broadcast journalist, contributing writer to the Washington Post and New York Times, and author of This Is a Soul

Being There is a courageous, bold, and invaluable book that challenges us to consider our roles as mothers. Erica Komisar has written a beautiful book that pushes the reader to consider how to be the best possible mother she can be while supporting her through the process.

Carly Snyder, M.D., host of the weekly radio show MD for Moms

The beauty and practical value of Ms. Komisars book is that she gives specific suggestions on how women can be more emotionally present for their child regardless of their career, financial constraints and the amount of time they can spend with their children. A must-read for parents, mental health professionals, and childcare policy makers.

Dr. Ellen Jacobs, child and adolescent psychotherapist, adjunct professor at the Columbia University School of Social Work

Timely and highly informative. Using the direct voices of the most important scientists in the field, Erica Komisar describes in clear and compelling fashion the foundational events of the early years, an unparalleled time of growth of the babys right brain that is indelibly shaped by the maternal relationship. In addition to providing practical and very personal information to the reader on how to be the best, most present mother she can be, this gifted psychotherapist also offers controversial political implications of advances in the developmental sciences for the mental and physical health of future generations. This rich amalgam of science, clinical wisdom, and common sense represents a Dr. Spock for the twenty-first century, and is quite simply the best book Ive ever seen on this absolutely essential topic.

Allan N. Schore, Ph.D., Department of Psychiatry and Biobehavioral Sciences, University of California, Los Angeles, David Geffen School of Medicine

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To my incredible husband, Jordan, my best friend and my inspiration, whose love and support made this book possible, and to my beautiful children, Bryce, Jonas, and Sofia, who have taught me more than I have taught them. I am grateful to be their mother each and every day. And to my mother, Edith, who valued mothering over everything else; your warmth, affection, and nurturing have been my example.