Jane Nelsen - Positive Time-Out: And Over 50 Ways to Avoid Power Struggles in the Home and the Classroom

P RAISE FOR
Positive Time-Out

Positive Time-Out gives a fresh new perspective on time-out. Jane Nelsen gives parents and teachers the encouragement and tools they need to help children handle their own behavior. Parents who practice these principles are pleasantly surprised at their effectiveness and enjoy less conflict and more cooperation in the home.

Sheryl Hausinger, M.D., Texas Childrens Pediatric Associates and mother of three

In Positive Time-Out, Jane Nelsen reminds us that children do better when they feel better. Dont we all? The key is using kindness and firmness at the same time. The book offers more than 50 ways that parents can set limits while still encouraging their kids. It should be in every doctors waiting room.

Jody McVittie, M.D., family physician

Teaching children and adults the value of positive time-out is a gift that can serve them throughout their lives. Getting rid of rewards and punishment is essential for time-out to be helpful to children. This book is a must have for both teachers and parents.

Kay Rogers, retired elementary teacher and Positive Discipline associate

As I read Positive Time-Out I kept saying Yes! Finally, its time-in for time-out as one of the many useful positive discipline tools introduced here. Adults will welcome this tool for their own use, as well as for the children! Children today need adults who are encouraging and respectful teachers and this book is written for them. Move over punishment and reward! Its high time for Positive Time-Out.

Mary L. Hughes, Family Life Field Specialist, Iowa State University Extension

Positive Discipline: AZ,
Revised and Expanded 2nd Edition
Jane Nelsen, Lynn Lott, and H. Stephen Glenn

Positive Discipline in the Classroom,
Revised 3rd Edition
Jane Nelsen, Lynn Lott, and H. Stephen Glenn

Positive Discipline: The First Three Years
Jane Nelsen, Cheryl Erwin, and Roslyn Duffy

Positive Discipline for Preschoolers, Revised 2nd Edition
Jane Nelsen, Cheryl Erwin, and Roslyn Duffy

Positive Discipline for Single Parents,
Revised and Updated 2nd Edition
Jane Nelsen, Cheryl Erwin, and Carol Delzer

Positive Discipline: A Teachers AZ Guide,
Revised 2nd Edition
Jane Nelsen, Roslyn Duffy, Linda Escobar,
Kate Ortolano, and Debbie Owen-Sohocki

Positive Discipline in the Christian Home
Jane Nelsen, Cheryl Erwin, Michael L. Brock, and Mary L. Hughes

Copyright 1999 by Jane Nelsen

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage or retrieval system, without written permission from Random House, Inc., except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review.

Published by Three Rivers Press, New York, New York.
Member of the Crown Publishing Group, a division of Random House, Inc.
www.randomhouse.com

THREE RIVERS PRESS and the Tugboat design are registered trademarks of Random House, Inc.

Originally published by Prima Publishing, Roseville, California, in 1999.

Illustrations by Paula Gray

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Nelsen, Jane.
Positive time-out : and over 50 ways to avoid power struggles in the home and the classroom / Jane Nelsen.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
1. Discipline of children. 2. Timeout method. 3. Child rearing. 4. School discipline. 5. Classroom management. I. Title. HQ770.4.N439 1999
649.64dc21 99-41663

eISBN: 978-0-307-79405-5

v3.1

To my daughter, Lisa McCaslin,
who loves her two children enough to be a learner
and who shares her delight when it works.

F OR ELEVEN YEARS , Susan Madden (who thinks my faults are endearing) has been my valuable assistant and friend. She encourages me, protects me, and is a fabulous editor. Thanks, Susan.

I feel privileged to have Jamie Miller as my Prima editor. Jamie has the ability to wear different hats to advise me in whatever ways I need encouragement. And, thanks, Jamie, for taking the extra time to brainstorm with me in areas that need special creativity.

Tara Mead is an excellent copy editor and project manager who knows what needs to be changed, moved around, or just plain deleted to create a better book. Thanks, Tara.

It is with special gratitude that I acknowledge Lynn Lott, my co-author on several books and my friend. Lynn pushed me to go beyond my comfort level to engage in role-plays and activities that helped me get into the childs world to truly understand the negative, long-range effects of punitive methodsand the positive long-range effects of kind and firm (positive-discipline) methods. Thanks, Lynn, you have made the world a better place.

I love writing with co-authors, and Cheryl Erwin is one of the best. Her way with words brings the text to life and can move readers to laughter or tears. Cheryl made a tremendous contribution to this book in its self-published form, Time-Out: Abuses and Effective Uses. Cheryl, you are an incredible gift in my life.

I am especially indebted to the parents and teachers who attend my workshops and lectures. They truly care about children and want to encourage and empower them. They ask the questions and share the stories that keep us all learning and growing together in our desires and skills to work respectfully with children.

And then there is my husband Barry. Thank you isnt enough to express my gratitude for the love and support he givesunconditionally. But, thank you will have to suffice for this setting.

Now, I want to take time-out to go hug my seventeen grandchildren.

A LTHOUGH TIME-OUT is one of the most popular disciplinary methods used in homes and schools, it is usually a humiliating and discouraging experience for children. This book explains how time-out can be a positive experience that empowers children to learn self-control and self-discipline while enhancing their self-confidence, courage, and self-reliance.

KNOWING WHEN TO take time to calm down and cool off to gain access to inner wisdom and common sense is an important life skill. Instead of using time-out as punishment, adults can use it to teach children this important life skill.