Barker - The mighty toddler: the essential guide to the toddler years

Robin Barker is a registered nurse midwife and pediatric nurse practitioner with twenty-five years experience working with the under-threes.

As toddlers never doubt their place at the center of the universe Robin is very much aware that living with them is both a delight and a challenge for the parents in the thick of itand for the experts who attempt to guide them through the blurry maze. After years of spending time with toddlers and hearing and talking about them, Robin suspects it is the toddlers who have the last laugh.

The Mighty Toddler follows her first book Baby Love. Both books are based on many hours spent one-on-one with parents discussing things like temper tantrums, sleep hassles, not eating, biting, the inevitable poo, and strange habits. Mad and wonderful hours full of laughter, amazement, and sometimes tears (not always just the parents).

Robins detailed knowledge arises from these experiences and focuses on the practicalities of being a parent today. Bearing in mind the avalanche of advice and information now available, she offers safe options for care whenever possible.

Robin has two spectacular children who once were toddlers. She lives and works in Sydney.

Other books by Robin Barker

Baby Love

Australian Baby and Toddler Meals

The Baby Love Guide to Crying

The Baby Love Guide to Feeding

The Baby Love Guide to Sleeping

The Baby Love Guide to the First Three Months

ROBIN BARKER

NOTE TO READERS

All care has been taken to provide accurate, safe information, but it is impossible to cover every situation, so please consult a competent health professional whenever you are in doubt about your toddlers health or behavior. A book can never be a substitute for an individual professional consultation. The author and the publishers cannot accept legal responsibility for any problems arising out of the contents of this book.

Copyright Robin Barker 2001, 2002

First U.S. Edition published by M. Evans and Company, Inc.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the publisher.

M. EVANS

4501 Forbes Boulevard, Suite 200

Lanham, Maryland 20706

Distributed by National Book Network

1-800-462-6420

ISBN 978-0-87131-986-9

First published 2001 in Macmillan by Pan Macmillan Australia Pty Limited St Martins Tower, 31 Market Street, Sydney

Illustrations by Tim Snowdon

The Flames by Kate Llewelyn, from The Selected Poems, published by Hudson Hawthorne, Australia, 1996, reproduced with permission from the author.

Printed in the United States of America

To all the toddlers in my life, both past and present, especially Adam, Kate, Amy, Emma, Danny, Bobby, Angie, Gabriel, and Indigo. And those still to come .. .

In this book the mother is she, the father is he, and the toddler is he because in the interest of equal exposure in my books it is time for the boys to take center stage.

You used to lean

on that cot rail

and wait

with the vigour of a flame

to leap into my arms

two feet tall and two years old

a sagging nappy

archless feet soft as cats tongues

and trodden underneath

a thick and clammy waterproof

warm from sleep

the sheet ruched at the end

toys heaped confused

neglected as the dead

a duck stuck in the corner

I could see the basket of your ribs

your hands were opened

and all your bones and life

leapt up to mine.

Kate Llewelyn, The Flames

At the end of Baby Love, my book about the first year after birth, I said that the end of the first year was really just the beginning of a never-ending story. Turning from a baby into a child is another step in that story. Small in time but mighty in accomplishments for you both, it will touch your heart and stay in your memory forever.

Like Baby Love, The Mighty Toddler contains practical down-to-earth information built from my years of talking to mothers (mostly) and some fathers in my work as a pediatric nurse practitioner. Safe options for care are offered whenever possible, and it is not recommended that the book be read from cover to cover like a novel (heaven forbid)it is intended as a parents working manual and information is repeated when relevant.

We are unfortunately living in a time when everyone is obsessed with outcomes. Consequently much information about child rearing today focuses on optimal things to do when children are young to ensure a good outcome when they are older. Toddlers, however, are not too much interested in outcomes. They live very much in the present. My information is intended as a guide to help you enjoy your time with your toddler in the here and now rather than to encourage you to strive to be the perfect parent raising the perfect child. It is not intended to solve every problem that comes your way. Nor does it come with promises to make your toddler more optimistic, happier, more intelligent, more musically talented, or more physically coordinated.

Rather it is written with the aim of helping you understand this time in your childs life and to offer a practical framework for you to work within should you need one. Not all toddler problems are solvablemany disappear as the toddler years passbut just knowing what is normal and having a few ideas of what is helpful and what is not can be comforting.

The Mighty Toddler is intended for all parents, including same-sex couples and sole parents. Regardless of their situation, the ideal of stable and functional family life is something most parents strive for. And it is possible to care for children and offer them love and protection in a variety of family structures. However, it takes guts and determination when there is only one parent and, to a lesser extent, when there are two parents of the same sex. As the vast majority of same-sex parents are women, one of the bonuses for them is that the care of the babies and toddlers is much more likely to be evenly shared. But, as with sole parents, same-sex parents face tougher challenges than do traditional parents.

It is difficult when writing to include the many variations of family settings, but I assure all parents who are living in nontraditional family structures that the information is here for you tooI certainly had you in mind when I wrote it.

I have used the word parents so consistently throughout the book that readers may wonder if I am aware of the difference between mothers and fathers. I assure you I am.

The decision to follow the trend and address readers as parents rather than mothers (as once was the case in childcare manuals) was not taken lightly. It is done with some reluctance because statistics repeatedly show that less than ten percent of couples share equally the household tasks and the nitty-gritty of baby and toddler care. Mothers still undertake most of the hard work of caring and nurturing babies and toddlers.

However, it is impossible to refer to mothers and fathers separately according to how