Christopher Green - Toddler Taming Tips: The Essentials for Parents of Children Aged One to Four

It is now 18 years since I first wrote Toddler Taming and the ideas are still relevant. I want to emphasise though that I have never tamed a toddler.

Toddler Taming Tips still talks a lot about discipline. But discipline is not about punishment. It is about rewarding and encouraging: transmitting love and approval in your tone of voice; letting the little ones see the twinkle in your eye. On the whole I believe that discipline is a very positive thing. It is about expectations, empowerment, enjoyment and a sense of humour.

When I talk about expectations I mean that parents should know what is normal in children. It is important to realise that toddlers are not adults. This may seem obvious but some parents seem to make a big issue out of non-problems.

By empowerment I mean that raising children is entirely up to what feels right and works best for you. Dont be brainwashed by other parents what works for them may not necessarily be right for you and your child.

When I say enjoyment I mean to emphasise that toddlerhood is a wonderful time to be enjoyed. A lot of parents seem to spend their time coping, not enjoying, and this is not what you want. Dont miss the magic it is only a few years of their life.

I cannot say enough about the importance of family. It is where we learn the ground rules: belonging, security and love.

Twenty-two years ago we left Belfast, Northern Ireland, with our two young children, to live in the most beautiful city in the world, Sydney, Australia. And the move brought great opportunities for us.

But I do have regrets.

While I was successful through my books, I regret that my boys were the most affected by the move to Australia. They were left with a wound that takes a long time to heal. What I am talking about is that they grew up away from their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins the group of people that makes us feel secure and gives us a sense of belonging.

I also regret not spending more time with my own children. While I earned fame and fortune through writing my books and sharing the message, I feel I missed a lot of time with my family, the learning and the loving the things that family is all about.

Time is something you cant repeat but if I had my time again, I would do things very differently.

This book is about parents spending their time understanding, savouring, seeing the magic, slowing down and bringing the fun back to parenting. And dont forget that sense of humour!

Christopher Green
Sydney 2003

The toddler is an interesting little person, aged between 1 and 4 years. Some people call this stage the terrible twos, but its not terrible its really a time of sweet innocence, dependence and a magic mind. Toddlers are built to a design that is perfect in every detail, but for one small defect they have all the activity of an international airport, but the control tower doesnt work.

Toddlerhood starts at around the first birthday. At this age, little ones discover that they have the muscle to manipulate and challenge and are not backward about flexing it. Toddlerhood starts gradually with senseless and unthinking acts predominant up to the age of 11/2 years, hits a peak at about 2 years and then gradually eases by 21/2 years.

Some parents expect adult attitudes from their 2-year-olds, but at this age the sense centres arent yet on line. Parents who are unaware of this conduct deep and meaningful debates with their toddler. The child looks interested, but this is about as useful as discussing the good qualities of postmen with a Rottweiler.

There would be fewer stressed parents if it were understood that these little people are not capable of adult logic.

At playgroup, parents are embarrassed when their 2-year-old is rough with other children, grabs, bites and wont share things. Theres no waiting at this stage. They interrupt, wont take turns and when they need a wee it has to be in this flowerpot.

The toddler has no malice or aggression; his problem is simply caused by an underdeveloped control system. Theres not a bad bone in these little bodies. Its easy for me to call these behaviours normal, but its not so easy when parents are struggling at the battlefront. The antisocial toddler is criticised by experts who have never had children, or whove been fortunate enough to score an angel. Dont let others send you on a guilt trip believe me, the most unsharing, shoving 2-year-old will turn into a polite, loving, grown-up.

During the toddler years, the aim is to steer them from trouble, savour the magic that they bring to new experiences and introduce adult attitudes when the childs brain is good and ready.

What makes toddlers tick?

Whether you think of your bundle of joy as a little treasure, an ankle biter, a midget mafiosa, or the terrible 2-year-old, all toddlers have one thing in common and that is an interesting collection of behavioural traits that are their trademark.