Christopher Green - Beyond Toddlerdom: Keeping Five to Twelve Year Olds on the Rails

I once wrote a book about toddlers, which sold a million copies around the world. Toddler Taming was practical, reassuring and based on reality. Whats more, it could make mums laugh. After all, you can smile about toddlers because you know that most of their odd little behaviours will disappear when their brain discovers sense at the age of three years.

But five-to twelve-year-olds are much more complicated, which made this book a lot harder to write. These children are influenced by school, their friends, their families and their abilities, and their problems can easily deepen rather than disappear.

Beyond Toddlerdom looks at how primary school-age children feel, think and behave. The emphasis is on behaviour, with the aim of keeping parents close and in love with their children, so homes need never become a war zone.

I learnt the ideas you will read in this book from the thousands of parents and children I have attempted to help every day in my work. But I dont pretend to have all the answers: even after twenty-five years I still struggle to find ways to help some families I meet.

Hopefully, though, you will find lots of useful advice here. To help you find what youre looking for easily and quickly, Beyond Toddlerdom contains a clear index and plenty of tables that set out the main points.

Once I asked a mum how things were going. She said, Its like this, Doctor. Before we met you we were riding on a roller coaster completely out of control. Now were still on a roller coaster but its finally on the rails.

This book is about keeping relationships between parents and children strong and happy. Its also about keeping children on the rails. I cant promise a smooth ride, but I hope I can help you avoid some of the bumps.

Christopher Green
January 2000

This book is cram-packed with the latest child care information. But it is not a book about taming, compliance and perfect behaviours. Instead, Beyond Toddlerdom is about relationships: the art of keeping parents close and in love with their children. If we can achieve this, the rest usually falls into place.

Now, the key to a good relationship, whether its between two adults or a parent and a child, is to treat the other person the way you would like to be treated. And thats what this book is all about: treat your children the way you like to be treated and your relationship with them wont go far wrong.

As you skim through the chapters, youll find that the same messages keep reappearing. These messages are the secret of successful parenting, but they could apply to any relationship. Here they are:

Children need you to be available to admire, encourage and marvel.

Children like routine, consistency and clear communication, but they also need flexibility and choice.

Discipline is not about pain and punishment. In this new millennium we mould good behaviours through encouragement and reward.

Discipline is not about pain and punishment. In this new millennium we mould good behaviours through encouragement and reward.

Confrontation, force and heavy discipline wreck many relationships. You may appear to win but at the cost of resentment, anger and hate.

When things have gone badly, quickly forgive and restart with a clean slate. There is no place for grudges in a good relationship.