Elizabeth A. Laugeson - The Science of Making Friends: Helping Socially Challenged Teens and Young Adults

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data has been applied for.

ISBN (paperback): 978-1-118-12721-6

ISBN (ebk): 978-1-118-41895-6

ISBN (ebk): 978-1-118-41650-1

This book is dedicated to all of the parents who work tirelessly to support their children

DVD Contents

The DVD features video demonstrations of many of the rules and skills covered in the book. Throughout the book you'll find references to videos marked with a play icon (shown to the right). These videos are also available at www.wiley.com/go/makingfriends . The password is the last five digits of this book's ISBN, which are 27216.

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Introduction

The science of good conversations

The science of starting and entering conversations

The science of exiting conversations

The science of handling arguments

The science of handling verbal teasing

The science of handling rumors and gossip

Foreword

Are you a parent of a child on the autism spectrum, or do you have a kid with ADHD, anxiety, or depression? Does your child struggle to make and keep friends? You've come to the right place. This book The Science of Making Friends describes one of the first evidence-based systems for helping teens and young adults achieve that all-important goal.

The words evidence based are very important. They mean that the creators of the therapy have tested it against other therapies and verified that it is effective and delivers lasting benefits. In the world of therapy, evidence-based practices are the gold standard. An evidence-based therapy for making friends is the mental health equivalent of a drug that's shown to be effective. It's the best therapy we know how to deliver.

As a person who grew up with undiagnosed autism, I know how important social skills are for people who are neurologically different. I know firsthand the pain of loneliness and the sense of failure unwanted social isolation brings. The sting of childhood rejection followed me long into adulthood, and I'd do anything to save today's kids some of what I went through.

As a parent of a young adult with autism, I also know how powerful the effect of parental coaching can be. Like me, my son is on the autism spectrum but with recognition of his challenges and social skills coaching he grew up to be far less isolated and more socially successful than I did.

When I raised my sonas I describe in my memoir Raising Cubby I flew by the seat of my pants. I watched him struggle and fail, pondered his actions, and gave the best advice I could based on my limited life experience. That's all most people could hope to do, until now.

Dr. Liz Laugeson has devoted her career to studying the behaviors that lead to social failure and finding ways to teach alternate ways of acting. Most important, she has kept records of her work, and she's learned what works and what doesn't.

She leads a team of researchers and therapists at UCLA's Semel Institute, where they have developed and proven the benefit of an intervention known as PEERS, which stands for Program for the Education and Enrichment of Relational Skills. It's one of the first programs of its kind and the first to be backed by solid evidence of its effectiveness.

The PEERS program was originally designed to be delivered by two therapists. One would meet with the kids, the other with the parents. Right now, Dr. Laugeson and her staff are training teams to do PEERS all over the world, but there are still many families in need who are not near a trained PEERS team, hence, this book.

In it, you will find all the core concepts of PEERS with advice on how to work through the elements with your teen or young adult. If you're like me, you may even find the lessons of PEERS relevant in your own life or those of your partner.

If you follow the guidelines, I guarantee you will see greater social success. And that is one of the best predictors of happiness and good life outcome. I can't stress strongly enough what it's meant to me.