Lin Myers Jovanovic - Project Parent: Preparing Yourself for your Childs Sex Education

Contents

Project Parent: Preparing Yourself for Your Childs Sex Education

Copyright 2017 by Lin Myers Jovanovi, PhD

Published by Plain Spoken Parenting

Editorial and Production Management: Janet Spencer King

www.spencerkingauthorservices.com

Cover and interior design: Karen Hudson

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced,
stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means,
electronic, mechanical, or otherwise,
without the prior written permission of the publisher, except for brief

quotations in articles and reviews.

Printed in the United States of American for Worldwide Distribution

ISBN: 978-0-9978635-0-5

Praise for Project Parent

There is a great need for comprehensive sex education for children, especially by parents. This unique book is a wonderful resource to help them take on that role. The author shows empathy for parents anxieties and discomfort while being positive and encouraging about helping them meet this challenge. She guides adults in becoming aware of their own history and vulnerabilities about sex, which is enormously helpful in freeing them to be sex educators for their children. The information that provides quality sex education for special needs children is also impressive. Overall, the book is a valuable resource for adults who want to be positive models and sex educators for
their children.

Barry McCarthy, PhD, author, professor, workshop presenter

I highly recommend this book for all parents who struggle with how and when to talk to their kids about sex. It helps parents identify aspects of their own experiences and upbringing that may hinder their attempts to communicate with their children. And it gives them information about how to overcome these barriers.

Kate Shaw, PsyD, Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Lin Myers Jovanovics book is an easy-to-read, comprehensive guide for parents to help them navigate the often awkward task of educating their children about sex. She covers all bases, including exercises for parents to deal with their anxieties and fears about doing it right. She invites them to reflect on their own sexual journey, starting at a young age when curiosity about sex begins. As well, the author shares her personal experience teaching her own children about sex. I highly recommend this book to parents of all ages; as she point out, it is never too early to start to help children develop a mature and healthy attitude toward sex and sexuality.

Barbara Desmarais, Parenting and Life Coach

As a development couples counselor I marveled at the authors ability to design meaningful exercises for parents to foster teamwork as well as growth for each individual partner. These will help parents grow in their own sexual development and guide them in identifying their current parenting styles. The books exercises also help parents learn ways to better communicate in general, which they can apply to all areas of their relationship. It is an impressive book that is rich with guidance and information.

Kelly Scharver, LPC, Mom and Couples Counselor

This aptly named book teaches how to handle the important and sensitive subject of children and sexuality. The author shares her knowledge and experience as a parent, researcher, and sex therapist. The book includes valuable information and many practical exercises that will help all parents conduct sex education for their children. It is a great source of wisdom and knowledge and a must have for parents everywhere.

Charlotta Lfgren-Mrtenson, PhD, Director Centre for Sexology and Sexuality Studies, Malm University

Acknowledgments

The idea of this book came from my work with parents who often expressed their concerns about how to begin the conversation with their children about tough topics like sex. I am indebted to them for showing me where they most needed help.

I am grateful to the many colleagues and students who have helped and encouraged me about this book especially Susan Goodwyn, who supported my dream from the beginning. I also want to express my gratitude to Tara Lain, who conducted her thesis work on parents comfort with talking to their children about sex. My thanks as well to the Master Mentoring group led by the amazing Ellyn Bader, PhD, and Peter Pearson, PhD, of the Couples Institute. The group members have been my bedrock with ideas, support, and love as I navigated the many difficult parts of writing this book. I appreciate you all beyond words.

I owe a debt of gratitude to a number of people who looked at various drafts of the manuscript and contributed their ideas: Leanne Jacobson, Lexie Lee, Nicole Pallios, Dr. Alex Iantaffi, Megan Mooneyham Williamson, and Sarah Kiehl. Their feedback helped shape it into an accessible resource for parents.

I now fully understand why authors thank their editors. My deep thanks goes to Janet Spencer King, my editor, for her firm but kind hand in turning my writing into accessible content for parents. Her expertise has been invaluable.

Dedication

This book is dedicated to my children, Tiffany Macias, Ashlie Myers, Celeste Myers Gray, and Logan Bowers, who chose me to be their mother and have taught me to be a better person. And to my husband, Branislav Jovanovic, whose support and love helped make this dream come true.

Introduction

What in the world do I say to my kids about sex?

Most of us grew up in a world where sexuality and the specifics about intimate relationships were a mystery. Thats pretty amazing given all the information out there in the world about sex and relationships. Yet, parents in the 21 st century are still unsure when and how to start sex education with their children and are resigned to all of it being scary and awkward.

As a sex educator, researcher, and therapist for over 25 years, I have seen firsthand the pain, awkwardness, and consequences of people who felt lost in navigating sex and relationships. I wrote this book specifically to help parents get beyond the pain, to feel prepared, and to deliver their values and accurate knowledge with confidence to their children. Plus theres a bonus: parents will become much more comfortable about their own sexual relationships.

I didnt become a mother until I was 44 years old. Because I had an infertility problem I eventually had to decide if I would adopt. At the time I was single, but I determined that I needed to act on this now. I ended up bringing two sisters, then ten and eleven years old, into my home. They had come from a difficult background and I knew raising them would be a challenge.

Even as a sex researcher and educator for so many years, I was somewhat unprepared for the first instance of how sexuality popped up in our lives. As I was folding clothes one day, the girls ran in from the park at the end of our block, burst into the room, and asked me what a blowjob was. Luckily, I had my face turned away from them and had a moment to take a deep breath. I was able first to calmly ask them where they had heard that term and they explained that an older boy at the park had said it. Now, this was when the Clinton impeachment trial was going on and the term blowjob was out there in public in a way it had never been before. With another deep breath, I said, That is when a person puts his or her mouth on the genitals of another person for pleasure. The girls looked at each other, said ew, and ran back out to play.

I was exhausted from just that one brief conversation! I was glad I had the presence of mind to ask them where they had heard this and I followed it up by quickly walking to the park to find the 15-year-old who was the culprit. In no uncertain terms I explained to him that if he wanted to talk about things like that again, it had better not be to my girls.