Stephen W. Garber - Monsters Under the Bed and Other Childhood Fears: Helping Your Child Overcome Anxieties, Fears, and Phobias

Other Books by Stephen W. Garber,
Ph.D., Marianne Daniels Garber, Ph.D.,
and Robyn Freedman Spizman

If Your Child Is Hyperactive, Inattentive, Impulsive, Distractible Helping the Add/Hyperactive Child

Good Behavior

The names of individuals involved in examples and experiences used in this book have been changed. We have interchanged the pronouns used, alternating gender. In most cases, the pronouns could have been easily exchanged. When reading the information and incidents, feel comfortable to think of the children you know best.

Copyright 1993 by Stephen W. Garber, Ph.D., Marianne Daniels Garber,
Ph.D. and Robyn Freedman Spizman

Illustrations copyright 1993 by Kat Anderson

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. Published in the United States by Villard Books, a division of Random House, Inc., New York, and simultaneously in Canada by Random House of
Canada Limited, Toronto.

Villard Books is a registered trademark of Random House, Inc.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Garber, Stephen W.
Monsters under the bed and other childhood fears : helping your
child overcome anxieties, fears, and phobias / by Stephen W. Garber,
Marianne Daniels Garber, and Robyn Freedman Spizman.
p. cm.
eISBN: 978-0-307-78856-6
1. Fear in children. 2. Child rearing. I. Garber, Marianne
Daniels. II. Spizman, Robyn Freedman. III. Title.
BF723.F4G37 1993
649.1dc20 92-56812

v3.1

To every child
who has ever been frightened and to every
parent who has responded to the cry
Mommy, Daddy, Im scared

A very special thank-you to those individuals who have contributed in some way to this book:

Our families, Amy, Adam, Arielle, and Aubrey Garber, and Justin and Ali Spizman, who fearlessly put up with busy days and nights and support us in everything we do, especially Robyns husband Willy, who contributed tirelessly in so many ways to this project; our parents, Rooks and Dan Daniels, Gerry and Al Garber, Phyllis and Jack Freedman, and Gus and the late Regina Spizman, who taught us to put aside our fears; Doris Dozier and Bettye Storne, without whom we would get nothing done; our office staff, especially Merilee Kelley, Elaine Tavani, Cathy Jones, and Marilynn Foster, whose logistical support is invaluable; our colleagues at the Behavioral Institute of Atlanta who provided encouragement and clinical support so that we could complete this book, and the staff at Borders Book Shop, Oxford Book Store, and , who assisted us in finding appropriate books for children.

As always, a special word of gratitude to our literary agent, Meredith Bernstein, and our publisher, Diane Reverand, for their continued support and encouragement. We are especially indepted to our editor, Emily Bestler, whose insight, skill, and charm keep us on track, to Amelia Sheldon for always being ready to get an answer, and to Nancy Inglis and Mary OConnor, who read the copy with an eagle eye.

Finally, thank you, Kat Anderson: Your wonderful artistic talent and whimsical eye bring each fear to life in this book.

Mommeee, Daddeeee Im scared. What do you do when your child awakens from a nightmare shies away from an approaching animal wont climb a ladder shivers with fear because of an approaching storm clutches at your leg when it is time for you to say good-bye?

What parent hasnt been in one of these situations? How do you react? How do you know if your childs fear will naturally fade? When do you intervene? It is difficult to know how to respond to a fear. Do you empathize or ignore it? Placate or push?

Its impossible for adults to remember what its like to be a child. We know that dreams are not real and that nothing lurks under the bed, but to a child these fears are very real. No matter how many times you say, There are no monsters in the closet, your child is unlikely to believe you. When you say, Thats just the wind blowing, your child may still hear the footsteps of an intruder outside the window.

This book is about how to respond to your childs fears. Most children experience fears of the dark, strangers, unidentified noises, and numerous other things for a short time and then they pass. By supporting your child and filling in the gaps in her knowledge, you can minimize most of the normal childhood fears many children experience. By preparing your child in advance for the new situations she must meet, you may be able to avoid new fears.

You would probably like your child to retain a little fear. Healthy fear makes your child cautious when she walks across the street, keeps him from opening the door to a stranger when you are not home, and spurs your child on to a better performance when she speaks before a crowd. Sometimes, however, fears become so intense that they disrupt a childs life. Fears like these prevent some children from going to new places, interacting with peers, trying a new activity, or doing the things other children easily do.

When a child doesnt overcome a fear, it can grow and spread. In our clinic and others across the country, therapists see many children and adolescents whose fears have escalated beyond the norm. These youngsters wont spend the night away from home, are so afraid of the dark they sleep with the lights on and the radio playing all night, cannot approach a doctors office without feeling panic, get sick before giving an oral presentation, and avoid heights, elevators, water, dogs, cats, bugs, and a multitude of other things that scare them.

Even if your childs fears are not that severe now, you cant assume that they will go away with age. Children are often masters at hiding their fear, and unresolved fears can last well beyond childhood. Many of the millions of adults who have persistent paralyzing fears can attest to that. Their fears of heights, speaking in public, animals, elevators, and other situations were rooted in childhood experiences.

A study conducted by the National Institute of Mental Health recently reported that anxiety disordersincluding fears, phobias, and panic attacksare the number-one mental health problem in the country. The goal must be to help your child overcome his fears so he wont become one of these statistics.

Monsters Under the Bed is designed to help you understand, minimize, prevent, and overcome your childs fears. In , Overcoming Fear, presents the steps that will permit your child to overcome strong fears or ones that have lasted too long. Using four kinds of experiences involving imagination, information, observation, and exposure, you will learn how to desensitize your childs fears.

The rest of Monsters Under the Bed is devoted to helping you work with your child to conquer specific fears. Applying the information presented in Chapters 1 through 3, subsequent chapters deal with earliest childhood fears and fears of animals, illness, weather, separation, social events, transportation, school, heights, claustrophobia, crime, and death.

After reading the first three chapters, turn to the chapter on your childs specific fear. If your childs particular fear is not included, turn to a similar fear. For example, if your child is afraid of hurricanes, use the discussion in and the steps outlined in the section on thunderstorms to design a plan for your situation. In each fear section you will find the information you need to help your child.