Michelle L. Bailey - Parenting Your Stressed Child: 10 Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Practices to Help Your Child Manage Stress and Build Essential Life Skills

There is no question that the things we think have a tremendous effect on our bodies. If we change our thinking, the body frequently heals itself.

C. Everett Koop, MD, Former Surgeon General of the United States

Our thoughts create our reality. Much of the stress we feel does not come from the life event or situation that occurs but instead results from what we make the event mean to us. It is our experience of life that translates into our joys and sorrows. The way we think about something and the value we assign to it (positive or negative) affects our mind, and that ultimately has an impact on the physical body. Lets take a look at how the mind and body are connected and how stress can affect that connection.

Stress is a part of life. It affects each of us and at every stage of life. While most people acknowledge that stress affects adults, many are unaware of the stress experienced by children on a daily basis. Movies and television programming display provocative images, prematurely exposing children to inappropriate sexual content. Video games, computers, cell phones, television, and extracurricular activities provide a myriad of options to occupy our kids time. Overscheduled days and continuous stimulation place an incredible amount of stress and pressure on our kids.

Stress has been generally thought to be rare in childhood, but many studies are finding that kids experience moderate to extreme levels of stress in everyday life (American Psychological Association 2007). Pressure to do well in school, peer relationships, and family financial concerns are among several issues that serve as sources of stress for children.

Keep the Lines of Communication Open

If you are like most parents, you probably feel that by keeping your own worries from your child youre shielding him from stress; however, in talking to children in my practice, I find that the opposite is often true. Kids sense when their parents are worried. Children often accidentally overhear discussions about financial difficulties where parents are talking about how they are going to pay the bills this month, for example. And when your child doesnt know what is going on, he may be more likely to fill in the detailsperhaps erroneouslyon his own. This can lead to feelings of anxiety or self-blame for whats perceived as a parents distress.

Instead of unintentionally adding to your childs stress by keeping information hidden, share with him whats going on. He doesnt require many detailsjust enough to reassure him that he is safe and secure. Providing general information about the events affecting your family and talking to your child about your own feelings that result from stress is a good first step in beginning the dialogue. You might start the discussion like this:

Dad: You may have noticed that Ive been working a lot more lately. I know I havent been around as much, and Im tired and a little grumpier when I get home. I worry sometimes that I dont have enough money to give you everything that you want. I just wanted you to know that Im working hard to make sure I can provide the things that we needa safe place to live and enough food to eat. I miss spending time with you. Things are a little hard right now but I know they will get better. What kinds of things do you worry about?

Then listen to what he has to say. Communicating honestly about your concerns and worries demonstrates the importance of talking about whats bothering you. Be patient if your child doesnt have anything to share initially. With time and proper role modeling, he will understand that it is safe to talk about his worries and the feelings surrounding them. Remember that he will be watching you, looking for signs of reassurance that all is well. Learning to cope with the stress in your life in a healthy way builds confidence in your child that he can do the same. Despite what we may like to believe, kids place a greater emphasis on what we do than on what we say.

An Everyday Occurrence