Ginger Hubbard - I Cant Believe You Just Said That: Biblical Wisdom for Taming Your Childs Tongue

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G inger Hubbard is a sought-after speaker, author, and award-winning writer. Best known for her popular book Dont Make Me Count to Three! and the Wise Words for Moms chart, she has spoken at hundreds of parenting conferences, moms events, and homeschool conventions across the country.

Jesus-saved and Southern-raised, Ginger enjoys reading, writing, and spending time with her husband on Lake Martin, where they are forever honeymooning. Ginger is a veteran homeschooling mother of two fabulous children and stepmom to two much adored stepsons. When they are not traveling or on the lake, she and her husband, Ronnie, reside in Opelika, Alabama, where they enjoy working together from home.

First of all, Id like to say thank you so much for taking time to read I Cant Believe You Just Said That! It has truly been an honor to share this time with you. I wish I could give you a warm Southern hug and tell you face-to-face that you are a great mom. How do I know you are a great mom? Because a great mom is always looking to nurture and train her children in the ways of the Lord, and I know you purchased this book with a heart to do just that. Now that weve connected, Im not ready to say good-bye, so I invite you to visit my website www.GingerHubbard.com where you can sign up to receive my encouraging blogs, fantastic giveaways, and see when Ill be speaking at a womens conference or moms event near you. Until we can meet face-to-face, I would love to connect with you on a more day-to-day, personal level through Facebook @OfficialGingerHubbard and Instagram @ginger.hubbard. Hope to see you soon!

Blessings to you and your family,

Ginger

Mooommy, I want some juuuiiice! Whining

She was mean to me first! Blaming

Youre stupid! Disrespecting

Tommys not doing what you told him to do! Tattling

No, Im not going to clean my room! Disobeying

I didnt take a cookie from the jar! Lying

You dont love me anymore! Manipulation

W hat causes a child to speak such tender words as I love you or Youre the best mommy in the world in one breath and say something terrible in the next? Before I had children, whenever I thought about my future family, I envisioned happy, well-mannered little darlings who always obeyed. The kid kicking and screaming in the restaurant? Not going to happen with mine. The kid reaching from the grocery cart, greedily grabbing everything within reach? Not my child. The kid throwing an obnoxious temper tantrum on the floor after being told he cant have the candy bar? Nope. The kid hitting his sister, because he wants the toy and she wont give it to him? No way. Boy, was I in for a rude awakening.

So what happened to all my plans for great parenting and well-behaved children? The stick turned blue. Twice.

Im guessing Im not alone in this. In short order I became the mom who was consistently taken aback when her kids spoke foolishly, whether it was in the form of whining, lying, or talking back. With an expression of shock, I would ask, Why do you act like that? It made no sense to me. I had instructed my children not to whine or lie or talk back, and I had administered consequences whenever they disobeyed. I did not understand why my plan was not working. Why did they continue to act like that? After a closer look at the Word of God, I realized I was asking the wrong question.

Jesus explained, For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of (Matt. 12:34). In other words, there is merit to the old saying, Whats down in the well comes up in the bucket. The apostle Paul confirmed, For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Rom. 3:23). Because we are sinners, it is natural for us to manifest sin in the words we speak, so it should not surprise us when our children do the same thing. Even children with agreeable dispositions show their sinful hearts through the things they say.

Our sin does not begin with our mouths; it begins with our hearts. Thus, it is not sinful words that defile the heart, but a defiled heart that brings forth sinful words. An impure heart pumps sin, infects the body, and spews contaminated words from the mouth. While the words our children speak alert us to a problem, we must understand that the heart is where the words are conceived. It took me a while to catch on to this myself, so if this is new to you, dont worry. Lets dig into this more deeply together.

Jesus said, For it is from within, out of a persons heart, that evil thoughts comesexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly (Mark 7:2122). The sin that shows up in our words comes from inside of us, and it starts sooner than we might think. King David proclaimed, Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me (Ps. 51:5). When we as parents truly grasp the origin of sin and the total depravity of man, we no longer question why our children sin. I slowly learned to quit asking, Why does my child sin? and began to ask myself, When my child sins, how might I point him to the fact that he is a sinner in need of a Savior? How might I help him understand and live in the power of the gospel?

The responsibility of training our kids to walk in this transformative way can seem overwhelming at times. It can be tempting to convince ourselves that their flaws are just natural character traits or personality quirks for which we should extend grace and leave it at that. After all, the child is human, and humans sin through the things they say. But, while it is natural for children to verbally sin, Gods Word confirms that this natural inclination to sin does not excuse parents from their God-given responsibility to train them in what is right. We are commanded to bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord (Eph. 6:4). We mustnt excuse our childrens sins simply because they are natural expressions of the flesh, but we also mustnt expect our children to never sin. After all, they are sinners in need of grace, just as we are.

When children speak offensively, parents often respond in one of two ways: either we ignore the child, hoping he will outgrow it, or we administer some sort of consequence, hoping to put the fear of God in him. Both methods are ineffective because they fail to train and instruct. There are occasions when ignoring may seem more convenient for us. After all, it does take time to start children off on the way they should go (Prov. 22:6). Yet, to ignore a child who needs correction and guidance is to selfishly place our own interests above the interests and well-being of the child.

Consequences for wrong behavior have their place, but they are not a substitute for training and instructing. Administering consequences without following through with righteous training only teaches children one thingthere are consequences for sin. While that is an important lesson, an even greater lesson is to understand the higher calling of living in ways that are pleasing to God and bring him the glory he deserves. Our purpose in disciplining our children is not merely to teach them to avoid consequences, but to train and instruct them to honor God with their lives, that being the way they should go.

Are you embarrassed by the words that come out of your childs mouth? Could it be that you have grown accustomed to ignoring verbal offenses or merely administering punishment? The Bible warns us against these sorts of tactics: A child left undisciplined disgraces its mother (Prov. 29:15). Our mission is to teach children whats right, not to shirk our parental responsibilities by ignoring them or to exasperate them by failing to follow through with godly counsel for right living.