Tedd Tripp - Shepherding a Childs Heart

Shepherding

a Childs Heart

Tedd Tripp

Shepherd Press

Wapwallopen, PA

Preface to the Second Edition

In the ten years since Shepherding a Childs Heart was published I have taught the material in this book hundreds of times. I have conversed with scores of young people who are in the throes of childrearing. These opportunities have left me more and more convinced of some biblical underpinnings that are essential for making sense of the childrearing task.

God is concerned with the heartthe well-spring of life (Proverbs 4:23). Parents tend to focus on the externals of behavior rather than the internal overflow of the heart. We tend to worry more about the what of behavior than the why. Accordingly, most of us spend an enormous amount of energy in controlling and constraining behavior. To the degree and extent to which our focus is on behavior, we miss the heart.

When we miss the heart, we miss the subtle idols of the heart. Romans 1 makes it clear that all human beings are worshipers; either we worship and serve God, or we make an exchange and worship and serve substitutes for Godcreated things rather than the Creator (Romans 1:18-25). When parenting short-circuits to behavior we miss the opportunity to help our kids understand that straying behavior displays a straying heart. Our kids are always serving something, either God or a substitute for Godan idol of the heart.

When we miss the heart, we miss the gospel. If the goal of parenting is no more profound than securing appropriate behavior, we will never help our children understand the internal things, the heart issues, that push and pull behavior. Those internal issues: self-love, rebellion, anger, bitterness, envy, and pride of the heart show our children how profoundly they need grace. If the problem with children is deeper than inappropriate behavior, if the problem is the overflow of the heart, then the need for grace is established. Jesus came to earth, lived a perfect life and died as an infinite sacrifice so that children (and their parents) can be forgiven, transformed, liberated and empowered to love God and love others.

When we miss the heart, we miss the glory of God. The need of children (or adults) who have fallen into various forms of personal idolatry is not only to tear down the high places of the alien gods, but to enthrone God. Children are spring-loaded for worship. One of the most important callings God has given parents is to display the greatness, goodness, and glory of the God for whom they are made. Parents have the opportunity, through word and deed, to show children the one true object of worshipthe God of the Bible. We know that the greatest delights our children can ever experience are found in delighting in the God who has made them for his glory.

Many times when I have taught the things found in this book people have come to me and said, These truths you are teaching are not just about our children; they are about me. We need to incarnate these truths for our children.

So, welcome to the second edition of Shepherding a Childs Heart. What you find here may be a paradigm shift for you, but it will bear good fruit in your life and in the lives of your children.

My prayer for you is expressed by King David in Psalm 78, that not only would you teach and model these truths for your children, but that even generations yet unborn would arise and teach them to their children, so they might put their hope in God.

Tedd Tripp

July, 2005

Preface to the First Edition

I have been motivated to write on this subject because I believe that our culture, and therefore the church, is in great need of a biblical focus on the task of parenting.

I have sought to apply the principles which I have seen bear good fruit in my life and in the counseling and pastoral ministry God has given me.

Thanks are in order. My family has been of great support throughout this arduous writing process. It is no easy task for a preacher to become a writer. My dear wife Margy has read this book more times than either of us care to remember. If you think it is too long, you should thank her for chopping words as she did her Strunk and White simplification several times. My now-adult children, Tedd, Heather and Aaron, have been willing to be named and analyzed as illustrations. Tedds wife, Heather, has been a willing and valuable help in the final steps before publication. Their vitality and ardent love for God has encouraged me many times when I would have given up in this task.

The people of Grace Fellowship Church, whom I have loved and learned from for 21 years, have had great influence on my walk with God as well as on the content of this book. They have helped me refine the things taught here through countless times of teaching. My fellow elders and the deacons who serve us faithfully have encouraged me to get away to work on this on many occasions when I would have let the project die.

There have been many faithful readers: Daniel Boehret, Gene Cannon, Marcia Ciszek, Jon and Jose Hueni, Kelly Knowlden, Jean Neel, Ted Vinatieri, and Jay and Ruth Younts. The cogent comments and observations of these people have clarified and focused the content.

A special thanks to David Powlison and Jay E. Adams of the Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation. Davids teaching is a model of true spirituality I have sought to emulate and apply to the task of childrearing. Jay Adams has sharpened me like iron sharpens iron. I am in his debt.

May God bless these things to raising up a holy seed for his church.

Tedd Tripp

July 1995

Foreword

This is a masterful book. Tedd Tripp knows what he is talking about and he knows whom he is talking to. He knows children, he knows parents and he knows the ways of God.

Most books on parenting give you advice either on how to shape and constrain your childrens behavior or on how to make them feel good about themselves. Either control or self-actualization is deemed the goal of parenting. The former makes parental wishes supreme; the latter makes childish wishes supreme.

Shepherding a Childs Heart contains something very different. The book teaches you what your goals as a parent ought to be, and how to pursue those ends practically. It teaches you how to engage children about what really matters, how to address your childs heart by your words and actions. It teaches you how communication and discipline work together when parents love wisely. It teaches you how your objectives shift as infants grow into children and as children grow into teenagers. Shepherding a Childs Heart will humble you. It will inspire you to become a different kind of parent. It will teach you how by precept and example.

Most books on parenting actually dont understand what childrenor parentsare really like. Their advice builds on a foundation untrue to Scripture, untrue to human reality. Their bits of good advice mingle with bits of bad advice because the overarching vision is faulty; their bits of good advice totter or misfire because the balancing elements of wise parenting are neglected. Tedd Tripps book on parenting is different. The cornerstone is accurately aligned. Shepherding a Childs Heart understands you and your children truly, so it leads in straight and wise paths. Tripp gives you a vision and he makes it practical. You cant ask for more.

Tedd Tripp is a seasoned parent, pastor, counselor, and school principal. But more than that, he is a man who has listened well to God and has wrestled out what it means to raise children. Listen well to him, and wrestle out what it means to shepherd your childs heart.

David Powlison

Christian Counseling and

Educational Foundation

Laverock, PA

Introduction

Jennifer was failing to do her homework. Her teacher called Jennifers folks to solicit help. But her parents could not help. Twelve-year-old Jennifer would not obey them. Jennifer was not under their authority. They had hoped that school would provide the direction and motivation they had not been able to provide for their daughter.