Tammy Gold - Secrets of the Nanny Whisperer: A Practical Guide for Finding and Achieving the Gold Standard of Care for Your Child

How I Became the Nanny Whisperer

Welcome to Secrets of the Nanny Whisperer. My name is Tammy Gold, and today is the day that finding the perfect nanny for your family just got easier. Whether youre a first-time parent or a mother of five, whether you work seventy hours a week or twenty, hiring someone to help you care for your most precious possessionyour childcan be an incredibly daunting task. The good news is that it no longer has to be. Youve picked up this book, and Im here to help.

In many ways, my life has always been about helping parents and their children. After college, I received my masters degree in social work from Columbia University and began working as a therapist for at-risk children in a New Jersey school. It was while working with these kidsmany of whom suffered from neglect and abusethat I witnessed firsthand the effects that poor caregiving could have on a child and the critical link between healthy, effective parenting and a childs social, emotional, and intellectual development.

As a student at Columbia, I had been very interested in attachment theory, which is the science of how early caregiving influences a childs life. First developed by the British psychiatrist John Bowlby, attachment theory asserts that for an infants social and emotional development to occur normally, the child needs to form a close, trusting relationship with at least one primary caregiver during infancy and the earliest years of life. Other well-known theorists such as Mary Ainsworth and Erik Erikson confirmed Bowlbys research with a number of landmark studies that showed conclusively that the earliest bonds formed by children with their caregivers have a tremendous impact. A mother who is available and responsive to an infants needs establishes a sense of security and creates what Ainsworth called a secure base for the child to then explore the world. Erikson argued that a childs entire identity is shaped by an early sense of trust vs. mistrust, depending on whether his caregivers reliably respond to his needs and provide constant care and affection. In short, infants and very young children need to establish strong relationships with loving, devoted caregivers in order to grow up to be emotionally healthy, happy, stable adults.

It was also around this time that I gave birth to our first daughter, Braydin. After years of dreaming about having my own children, motherhood didnt turn out to be as easy or straightforward as Id expected. Braydin was extremely colicky, so instead of sharing all of these beautiful Pampers moments with my new baby, she cried constantly, and I was a wreck. The pediatrician had no answers, and I just kept thinking to myself, How is it possible that I had no preparation for this? I was exhausted and overwhelmed, and worst of all, I felt like I was failing as a parent. Here I was, a childhood therapist, and I had no idea how to help my own child!

Eventually, through my own research, I figured out that Braydin had reflux, and once I switched her to a hypoallergenic formula, she was a new baby. But the experience made me realize that all parents occasionally need help to be the best caregivers they can beeven those, like myself, who have experience with children. When my maternity leave ended, I decided to start my own business devoted to giving moms and dads the support and tools they need to be better parents, particularly in the early, developmentally crucial years of a childs life. Because I had studied attachment theory and child development, I knew that there was, in fact, an essential formula for raising happy, well-adjusted children. I wanted to share this information with other parents, so I started taking on clients and the business grew.

But then something unexpected started to happen. I was working from home and had hired a nanny, Maria, to care for Braydin while I was with my clients. After those first rough months with a colicky baby, Maria was a godsend. She was warm and lively and full of energy, always willing to jump in and do whatever was needed. She was fantastic with Braydin, always singing and playing and loving, and she was a huge support for me as well while I learned to juggle motherhood and my career. Even my friends noticed that Maria was providing our family with a whole different level of childcare, and they started asking me, How did you find your nanny? Ive never seen a nanny like that before. Or saying, I wish I had a relationship with my nanny like the one you have with Maria, because they saw that there was no tension or drama. Before long, they approached me to ask for help, saying, I know this isnt exactly what you do, but what we really need more than anything is a good nanny. Can you help us find someone like Maria?