Tammy Plunkett - Beyond Pronouns: The Essential Guide for Parents of Trans Children

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Beyond
Pronouns

The Essential Guide for
Parents of Trans Children

Tammy Plunkett

Foreword by Mitchell Plunkett

First published in Great Britain in 2022 by Jessica Kingsley Publishers

An imprint of Hodder & Stoughton Ltd

An Hachette UK Company

Copyright Tammy Plunkett 2022

Foreword copyright Mitchell Plunkett 2022

Illustrations by Masha Pimas

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the publisher, nor be otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

Disclaimer: The information contained in this book is not intended to replace the services of trained medical professionals or to be a substitute for medical advice. You are advised to consult a doctor on any matters relating to your health, and in particular on any matters that may require diagnosis or medical attention.

A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library and the Library of Congress

ISBN 978 1 83997 114 3

eISBN 978 1 83997 113 6

Jessica Kingsley Publishers policy is to use papers that are natural, renewable and recyclable products and made from wood grown in sustainable forests. The logging and manufacturing processes are expected to conform to the environmental regulations of the country of origin.

Jessica Kingsley Publishers

Carmelite House

50 Victoria Embankment

London EC4Y 0DZ

www.jkp.com

To Mitchell, you have changed our lives for the better, and you will change thousands of hearts and minds.

To Mackenzie Neufeld, may this carry your light forward.

My name is Mitchell, the one who inspired my mom to write this book. We thought that I should include a short note for you because my mom likes to say, not about us without us, so she wanted to make sure to add my voice.

As of writing this foreword, Im 16 years old. Im a transgender young man, have been on hormone replacement therapy for about two years, and were still waiting for top surgery to become an option for me. I love building computers, talking with my friends, and playing video games. Im also learning how to drive since I just got my learners license. I want to be an IT technician when I grow up.

When I was younger, I knew that something was off about me and that I wasnt like the other girls. I couldnt figure what was wrong, but it all made sense after learning about transgender people.

I cant speak for all trans kids, but if there is one thing that you, the reader, should take away, it would be that I urge you to support your child unconditionally. Its a hard process, but it can benefit both you and your child since theyre feeling vulnerable and sensitiveat least I know I did. One of the things I needed the most when I first came out was someone to acknowledge that my feelings were valid and that we were going to go out and buy boy clothes the next time we were going to the store. I really needed to see a boy in the mirror. I think that starting that social transition is something that trans kids need and parents can easily offer.

The hardest part is dealing with close-minded people, negative comments, and bullies. It mostly happens online, and it happened at my old school. I eventually switched schools, and I was so much happier at the new one.

My mom is one of my best friends, and I think that her writing Beyond Pronouns has helped us get closer. She also injects my testosterone shots every week, so that probably also contributes to us being closer. Mom was with me for every single doctors appointment, psychologist appointment, and discussions about hormone blockers or testosterone. She was a nurse, so she understood the medical terminology that the doctors would talk about, and that helped. I think thats what I needed most, for my mother to be there. She was there when people were rude or discriminatory. She was there when I wanted to change my name and gender on my birth certificate. She was always there for me whenever I needed her, for which I am forever grateful.

My mom eventually started to help others in our community. She launched a group called Parenting with Pride and spoke to other parents about supporting their gender-diverse children in our area. She also mentored parents of trans kids. I know that my mom is most happy when shes writing, so I am proud to see this book come to life.

Mitchell Plunkett

Sending my biggest thank you to my closest consultant and a dear friend, Kiersten Mohr. Can you believe we have co-led Parenting with Pride for more than four years? Those meetings and your generous sharing of your knowledge and experience have shaped both my understanding and much of what I share in this book. I am beyond grateful to have you in my life. Thank you for your mental health expertise and friendship, Candice Kutyn. Much gratitude to Rebecca Niederlander for sharing the gender-diverse experience in the United States and pointing me towards the research in giftedness and exceptionalism in the transgender population.

Thank you for your forever kind guidance, Andrew James and the JKP editing team.

A book is never written in isolation. So, I want to thank my earliest cheerleaders, Nancy Livingstone, Michelle Weger, Dr. Wendy Rice, and my first readers when the manuscript was in its infancy, Zoey Duncan, Helene Diotte, Dana Goldstein, and Karen Parnham.

Finally, none of this is possible without my family. Rod, thank you for your undying support in writing this book and your unending support on this journey with Mitchell. You have held my hand and reminded me to breathe for so many years. I couldnt do it without you. Thank you for allowing me to have my blinders on for a while, Sarah, Victoria, and Andy. All those years of watching your mom sitting at the computer have paid off. Use them as a lesson to follow your dreams. Mitchell, to say none of this is possible without you sounds redundant considering the subject matter. But seriously, this book exists because you have kept asking me if you could read the next chapter. I have been so profoundly proud of you and your bravery and authenticity, and all I want is to make you equally as proud with this book. Thank you for trusting us with your truth.

Welcome to your safe space.

If youre the parent of a child who just came out as transgender, a thousand questions are swirling in your mind, and a confusing mix of emotions sits heavy on your chest. I know just what youre going through because my own child, raised as a girl, told me he was transgender when he was eleven years old. This book is meant to answer some of your questions and help you understand that those emotions are absolutely okay.