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Pepper - Transitions of the heart: stories of love, struggle and acceptance by mothers of transgender and gender variant children

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Book:
Transitions of the heart: stories of love, struggle and acceptance by mothers of transgender and gender variant children
Author:
Pepper / Rachel
Publisher:
Cleis Press
Genre:
Books / Home and family
Year:
2012
City:
Berkeley;CA
Rating:
3 / 5
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Intro; Title Page; Praise; Dedication; Foreword; Introduction; Sean; Discovering Raffi; Dear Friends and Family: A Letter About My Daughter; A Hard Road; A Twin Story; My Name is Alba; One of Lifes Surprises; A Blessing in Disguise; I Wish Her Happiness Most of All; Hatch! Mister Sister; Jenna, now John; Silly Ma Ma! Im A Boy; Transition Mama; Our Story; From AM to PM; Living Between Two Worlds; He Is Finally Living His Dream; Im Not Isabelle, Im Isaboy; We Have All Come to Peace With It; My Daughter Was Always Different; Am I Doing the Right Thing?;Transitions of the Heart is the first collection to ever invite mothers of transgender and gender variant children of all ages to tell their own stories about their childs gender transition. Often transitioning socially and emotionally alongside their child but rarely given a voice in the experience, mothers hold the key to familial and societal understanding of gender difference. Sharing stories of love, struggle, and acceptance, this collection of mothers voices, representing a diversity of backgrounds and sexual orientations, affirms the experience of those who have raised and are currently raising transgender and gender variant children between the ages of 5-50. Edited by Rachel Pepper, a gender specialist and co-author of the acclaimed book The Transgender Child, Transitions of the Heart will prove an invaluable resource for parents coming to terms with a childs gender variance or transition.

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Table of Contents

Advance praise for Transitions of the Heart

For every thriving transgender or gender nonconforming son or daughter, there is a parent who has struggled, searched, listened, and loved. Rachel Peppers Transitions of the Heart is a compelling and moving compilation of the personal stories of mothers from all walks of life who have taken that journey. In their own words, the mothers poignantly teach us one easy lesson: listen to your children, love them, and carve a path for their unique gender selves. Balancing a fierce love for their child against the fear of the challenges their child may face in a trans-phobic world, the mothers that Rachel Pepper so brilliantly brings to us in Transitions of the Heart give us an opportunity to know from the inside out what it takes to raise a healthy gender nonconforming or transgender son or daughter. The first book of its kind, it is a must-read for anyone who is a parent, works with a parent, or wants to learn about a mothers courage to overcome personal barriers, stand up to an unfriendly word, and stand by her gender-creative child.

Diane Ehrensaft, PhD,
author of Gender Born, Gender Made and Director of Mental
Health at the Child and Adolescent Gender Center

For many transgender or gender nonconforming people, our life journey is riddled with struggle, solitude, and a long road toward self-acceptance. The love from a mother is a treasured gift. Transitions of the Heart captures the complexity and depth of a mothers journey to understand and support her childa child who, confronted with questions, fear, and self-doubt, is sometimes the one who leads the mother to understand the true meaning of unconditional love. The stories told in Transitions of the Heart are brave, honest, compelling, and timely. They represent a powerful tool that can guide a parent from struggle to acceptance.

The Jim Collins Foundation

These honest, deeply felt testimonies of parents discovering and grappling with the unexpected difference of their trans child exemplify the grace of parental love. I am moved to tears reading these stories, amazed continually by the insight, tender reflection, and courageous love that each parent exhibits in their struggle to understand their trans child, and to parent responsibly and with inspiration. The book Transitions of the Heart restores my faith in the world.

Max Wolf Valerio, author of The Testosterone Files

As a mother its easy to relate to the concerns expressed by the contributors to Rachel Peppers new book Transitions of the Heart. These mothers represent a variety of family arrangements, life stages, and backgrounds...but they communicate the love for their children, hope for their future, and self-doubt of their parenting skills familiar to most mothers. What happens when parents learn their child is transgender? How is it different if they are adults, or still in school? Will they be safe? Can they be happy? While the experiences are specific to being the mother of a transgender child, any mother can relate to the feelings the women reveal. The mothers we meet in these pages can be our friends, our neighbors, ourselves.

Eden Lane, host and producer of In Focus on Colorado Public Television

For all the mothers whose love and acceptance fills these pages and
blazes a trail of courage for others to follow.
This book is for you and, of course, for your children.

Foreword

Kim Pearson

My transition of the heart began June 6, 2006. My severely depressed fourteen-year-old daughter and I had been working with a counselor twice a week for six months. I remember nearly every detail of that afternoon: the uncharacteristic confidence in my childs walk; the upright posture; the calm demeanor and direct eye contact. You see, that day my child began to walk in truth and the truth was that I never had a daughter. At the end of the hour I exited the office knowing I had a son.

It is difficult to explain the sense of isolation parents raising a gender nonconforming child often experience. Many endure the disapproving gaze or comments of strangers in the grocery store. Family members may criticize their parenting skills and occasionally they are reported to social service agencies for alleged abuse of their children. Then there is the particular struggle of the parents that didnt see any signs of gender nonconformity in their young children. They are taken totally off guard when their children assert their cross-gender identity and its quite a struggle to make sense of this situation.

No one ever tells you that having a transgender child is a possibility. It isnt in any of the baby or child-rearing books. How can anyone be prepared for this journey? Its as if we have been forced into running a marathon and all the other runners are given a five-mile lead and a map of the course. We spend our time trying to catch up, with no idea if we are even on the right path.

We want facts and figures. We want information on how to keep our children safe. We want to know our children will be happy and successful. We want to know that we have not lost our minds and that someone truly understands what we are going through.

On that day in 2006, I went looking for the information I needed to help my child and I discovered a startling void. No books, no articles, no websites, nothing that directly related to children who were like my son. What I did eventually find was a group of courageous parents traveling the same road. We talked, cried, ranted, grieved, and comforted each other. We gave each other hope. After hope came inspiration and after inspiration came action.

Along with two other mothers I began to tell my story more publicly. We helped other families like ours find and support each other. We learned that by sharing our stories we were changing hearts and minds. Our journeys are as distinct as the personalities of our children. Magic is created when we come together and share our joys and challenges with each other and with the world. Today there are websites, television shows, documentaries, blogs, and books. We are filling the void with our voices.

Rachel Peppers new anthology, Transitions of the Heart: Stories of Love, Struggle and Acceptance by Mothers of Transgender and Gender Variant Children, provides intimate glimpses into the joys, challenges, and triumphs of families like ours. It is a support group, a tutorial, and an educational text all rolled into one. In my work with families, schools, and communities, I have found that it is rarely a persons mind that must be changed, but rather their heart. Whether you are a parent, educator, healthcare professional, or just generally interested in this topic, be prepared for these stories to change your heart. And there can be no better person to compile such a collection than Rachel, whose dedicated work as a therapist and as a writer makes her uniquely qualified to advocate for families such as ours.

Inspiring others to see that our transgender children are gifts to the world is my daily goal. I am truly grateful to have a collection such as Transitions of the Heart to add to my toolbox and to recommend to others.

Namaste,
Kim Pearson

Executive Director/Co-founder, TransYouth Family Allies

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