Wendy L. Moss - Raising Independent, Self-Confident Kids: Nine Essential Skills to Teach Your Child or Teen

Moss and Moses have written a unique and compelling book about how parental behavior may promote or discourage self-confidence and independence in children. They provide guidance on parenting that is grounded in theory and research, and encourage readers to reflect on the impact of their own parenting styles and actions. Many down-to-earth and humorous anecdotes vividly illustrate how to parent at each stage of development in order to raise independent, self-confident kids. I wish I had read this book when my children were young, but now I have a terrific resource to recommend.

Stewart Lipner, PhD, Director of Psychological Services, The Zucker Hillside Hospital, Long Island Jewish Medical Center, and North Shore University Hospital/Manhasset, Glen Oaks, NY

Through questionnaires, examples of difficult parenting moments, and sound advice, Moss and Moses help readers consider their own style of parenting. They give clear recommendations about how best to meet the most essential challenge of parentingraising independent, secure children.

Amy Raphael, PhD, New York, NY

This book is bursting with practical advice and essential skill-building activities for raising confident children. It will go a long way to calm the anxieties of both new and seasoned parents. Moss and Moses skillfully illustrate how to help children navigate the winding path of successes and failures in a way that will ultimately lead to their independence.

Robin A DeLuca-Acconi, LCSW, PhD, Certified School Social Worker, Adjunct Professor of Social Work, and coauthor of School Made Easier: A Kids Guide to Study Strategies and Anxiety-Busting Tools

Timely and invaluable, this book is a must-read toolkit for raising confident and self-reliant children. As a parent, I recognized several strategies that worked for me in raising two happy and successful young adultsand a few I wish I had tried! As an educator, I applaud Moss and Moses for including an entire chapter on executive functioning skills. These skills, rather than intelligence or aptitude, are what set successful students apart. If your child is strugglingin school, or in lifethis book could be the most important thing you read this year.

Colonel (Retired) Albert M. Zaccor, MA, High School History and Civics Teacher, Bridport, VT

Copyright 2018 by the American Psychological Association. All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the United States Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced or distributed in any form or by any means, including, but not limited to, the process of scanning and digitization, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Electronic edition published 2018.

ISBN: 978-1-4338-2841-6 (electronic edition).

The opinions and statements published are the responsibility of the authors, and such opinions and statements do not necessarily represent the policies of the American Psychological Association.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Moss, Wendy (Wendy L.), author. | Moses, Donald A., author.

Title: Raising independent, self-confident kids : nine essential skills to teach your child or teen / Wendy L. Moss, PhD and Donald A. Moses, MD.

Description: Washington, DC : American Psychological Association, [2018] | Series: LifeTools | Includes bibliographical references.

Identifiers: LCCN 2017023395 | ISBN 9781433828256 | ISBN 1433828251

Subjects: LCSH: Self-reliance in children. | Self-confidence in children. | Parenting.

Classification: LCC BF723.S29 M67 2018 | DDC 649/.7dc23 LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2017023395

British Library Cataloguing-in-Publication Data

A CIP record is available from the British Library.

First Edition

http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/0000067-000

10987654321

I dedicate this book to Gloria and Haroldmy parents. Harold knows that once the lessons of becoming a responsible, independent adult are learned, you can focus on good times and healthy living. Gloria advises that its important to have love, laughter, and lots of fun. This book is also dedicated to P. M.your unconditional support, encouragement, and patience have been invaluable.

Wendy L. Moss, PhD

I dedicate this book to Edward Mosesmy father, a psychologist and school principal, who often said, Remember, in raising children it is the first 75 years that are most difficult.

Donald A. Moses, MD

INTRODUCTION

Parenting can be an enjoyable, rewarding, and special experience, yet often is filled with times of uncertainty, stress, and anxiety. When your child is a baby or toddler, you may ask in desperation, When will she finally go to sleep? When your child is in elementary school (or maybe even in middle and high school), you may wonder, How much help should I offer him with his report? When your child becomes a teen, you may think, Should I encourage her to go for that summer job? Can I trust her to get herself to work on time when Im not available to wake her up? The questions never seem to end, even when your child launches into higher education, career, and even becomes a parent him- or herself.

Every day, every stage of your childs or teens development brings unique challenges and, hopefully, wonderful times. In a variety of situations, many of us ask the same basic question over and over: When do I step in, and when do I watch it play out? Its a question, essentially, about independence. How much independence can your child handle? How much should you support and guide your child versus doing things for her or him?

Children and teens of all ages can learn skills that help them to be independent. This book is for expectant parents, foster and adoptive parents, parents of infants and toddlers, and parents of children in kindergarten through high school. The skills described in this book are meant to be adaptable to your childs age and unique personality and abilities. Although independence and autonomy are values in some ways entangled with culture, we believe that there are many ways to teach these skills that fit ones cultural values and beliefs. Children and teens from all cultures can benefit from learning the abilities that can lead to becoming a healthy, competent adult.