Bonnie Harris - Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids Youll Love to Live with

Feeling confident as a parent is a real joy, and Harris helps us discover this joy. The eight principles in this book are simple and sensible. They provide keys to parenting well in our very challenging age. Kudos to Harris for this practical and wise book.

Michael Gurian,
author of Nurture the Nature and
The Wonder of Boys

Bonnie Harris has written a truly informative, practical book that will serve as an invaluable resource for parents and professionals alike. She has skillfully described eight key principles that parents can follow as they raise their children to be more confident, responsible, and resilient. Through real-life stories she offers realistic examples of ways of practicing these principles and dealing with situations that all parents face. She educates us with empathy, compassion, and humor. She is to be commended for writing such an impressive book.

Robert Brooks, Ph.D. Ph.D., Faculty, Harvard Medical School
Coauthor of Raising Resilient Children and
Raising a Self-Disciplined Child

Revolutionary! Ms. Harris has done it again. What an eminently practical book. She opens doors for a new way of thinking about being a parent.

Michael Trout, Director, The Infant-Parent Institute

How I wish I had such a guide when I was a young parent! A rich and very readable book loaded with accessible information and analogies, carefully chosen examples, and thoughtfully constructed solutions. The message that comes through loud and clearChildren are NOT problems, but rather they HAVE problemsshould be incorporated by both parents and professionals who work with families.

Elvin Kaplan, M.D.,
Assistant Professor of Pediatrics and
of Community and Family Medicine,
Dartmouth Hitchcock Medical Center

In a sea of parenting books, this one stands out like a beacon. Her powerful insights rise above the noise, typical quick fixes and how-to tactics, and offer a rare two-way mirror for parents and children to truly see each other and connect. For life.

Lu Hanessian, author of acclaimed memoir
Let the Baby Drive: Navigating the Road of New Motherhood
and host of Make Room for Baby,
Discovery Health Channel

If you read just one parenting book this year, make it ConfidentParents, Remarkable Kids. Bonnies 8 Principles of Confident Parenting are easily applied to just about every situation, from mealtime struggles to bedtime arguments. Easy to read, with bulleted summaries and practical exercises at the end of each chapter, this book is sure to enhance, tweak, and improve every familys relationship. A must-read for parents who are looking for practical and empathic ways to deepen their connection with their children.

Karen B. Walant, Ph.D., author of Creating the Capacity
for Attachment, Board Member of Attachment Parenting
International, and private practitioner

Bonnie Harris sheds light on how to bridge the gap between negative behaviors and a positive parent/child relationship. ConfidentParents, Remarkable Kids is a must-have parenting handbook on how to return to the essence of parenting: love, safety, understanding, and connection. The author offers a loving way to maintain boundaries while giving children unconditional love.

Heather T. Forbes, LCSW
Beyond Consequences Institute

Of the many ways Bonnies eight principles support parenting through connection, my favorite is the way she changes our perception of challenging behavior from my child is being a problem to my child is having a problem.

Pam Leo, author of Connection Parenting

Confident
PARENTS
Remarkable
KIDS

8 Principles for Raising Kids
Youll Love to Live With

Bonnie Harris, M.S.Ed.,
bestselling author of When Your Kids Push Your Buttons

Copyright 2008 by Bonnie Harris.
All rights reserved.
This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any form without permission from the publisher; exceptions are made for brief excerpts used in published reviews.

Published by
Adams Media, an F+W Publications Company
57 Littlefield Street, Avon, MA 02322. U.S.A.
www.adamsmedia.com

ISBN-10: 1-59869-471-5
ISBN-13: 978-1-59869-471-0
eISBN: 978-1-44051-484-5

Printed in the United States of America.

J I H G F E D C B A

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
is available from the publisher.

This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information with regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering legal, accounting, or other professional advice. If legal advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought.

From a Declaration of Principles jointly adopted by a Committee of the American Bar Association and a Committee of Publishers and Associations

Many of the designations used by manufacturers and sellers to distinguish their product are claimed as trademarks. Where those designations appear in this book and Adams Media was aware of a trademark claim, the designations have been printed with initial capital letters.

This book is available at quantity discounts for bulk purchases.
For information, please call 1-800-289-0963.

This book is dedicated to all parents
courageous enough to swim against the current.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

F or the past twenty years, I have had the opportunity to work with parents around the globe and to help them understand their own and their childrens behavior. I would not know how to do this without their stories, their desire to learn all they can about the most important job they will ever have, and their courage to change old patterns. For every parent I have worked with, I am eternally grateful.

A special thanks to my agent, Al Zuckerman, for his patience with my process in bringing this book to fruition and his belief in that process.

And to the many people who have helped and supported me in getting my work out to more and more parents. A few of them are: Kristin Frykman, Carol Lake, Liz Broderick, Carol Lunan, Lee Burwell, Deb Navas, Don McGillivray, Nancy Albanese, John and Melissa Hood, Beccy Goodhart, Amy Einhorn, Ping Wu, Jennifer Kushnier and Paula Munier at Adams Media, and my devoted and extremely patient husband, Baxter Harris. And my children, Molly and Casey, whom I have loved living with.

CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION

M y children taught me two important lessons: Each child is completely different and requires different expectations, and neither punishment nor reward teaches anything worthwhile. By watching my children, discovering what helped and what didnt, I became fascinated with human behaviorwhy parents and children respond to each other the way they do and how that interaction affects childrens future behavior and well-being.