James C. Dobson - Parenting Isnt for Cowards: The You Can Do It Guide for Hassled Parents from Americas Best-Loved Family Advocate

The you can do it guide for hassled parents

DR. JAMES DOBSON

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Parenting Isnt for Cowards

Copyright 1987 by James Dobson, Inc. All rights reserved.

Previously published as Parenting Isnt for Cowards by Multnomah Publishers, Inc., under ISBN 1-59052-372-5. Multnomah is a trademark of Multnomah Publishers, Inc., and is registered in the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office.

First printing by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., in 2007.

Cover photo by Stephen Vosloo, copyright by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved.

Interior design by Katherine Lloyd, The DESK, Bend, Oregon

Cover design by Erik M. Peterson

Study Guide Contributing Writers: Ruth and Jan Willson

Leader of the Band by Dan Fogelberg. 1981 April Music, Inc., and Hickory Grove Music. All rights controlled and administered by April Music, Inc. All rights reserved. International copyright secured. Used by permission.

Shes Leaving Home by John Lennon and Paul McCartney. 1967 Northern Songs Limited. All rights in the USA, Canada, Mexico, and the Philippines controlled and administered by Blackwood Music, Inc., under license from ATV Music (MACLEN). All rights reserved. International copyright secured. Used by permission.

Scripture taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide.

Scripture quotations marked KJV are taken from the Holy Bible, King James Version.

Scriptures marked NCV are taken from the Holy Bible, New Century Version, copyright 1987, 1988, 1991 by Word Publishing, Dallas, Texas 75039. Used by permission.

The circumstances of certain events depicted and the names of individuals have been altered to protect the privacy of the people involved.

ISBN 978-1-4143-1746-5

Printed in the United States of America

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This book is affectionately dedicated to the mothers of the world, especially the one to whom I am married, who have dedicated themselves to the care and training of the next generation. They have been maligned, goaded, blamed, and ridiculed in recent years, but most have stood their ground. Quietly and confidently they have continued to love and nourish their children and prepare them for a life of service to God and to mankind. There is no more important assignment on the face of the earth, and I hope this book will make their task a bit less difficult.

JAMES DOBSON

CONTENTS

Chapter One
THE CHALLENGE

H ave you noticed? Being a good parent seems to have become more difficult in recent years. It never has been all that easy, of course. For one thing, babies come into the world with no instructions and you pretty much have to assemble them on your own. They are also maddeningly complex, and there are no guaranteed formulas that work in every instance. The techniques that succeed magnificently with one child can fail bewilderingly with another.

Many parents do not understand this frustrating aspect of childrearing because they have never experienced it. Through no great achievement of their own, they managed to produce a house full of easy children. My wife and I are acquainted with a family like that. They were blessed with three of the most perfect children you are likely to find. All three made straight As in school, kept their rooms perpetually clean, were musically talented, ate with one hand in their laps, were first-team athletes, spoke politely and correctly to adults, and even had teeth that didnt need straightening! It was almost disgusting to see how well they turned out.

Predictably, our friends awarded themselves complete credit for the successes of their children. They were also inclined, at the drop of a hat, to tell you how to raise yours. Overconfidence oozed from their fingertips.

But then an interesting thing happened. The Lord, who must have a sense of humor, gift-wrapped a little tornado and sent it as a surprise package on the mothers fortieth birthday. That family has been stumbling backward ever since. Their little caboose, who is now six years old, is as tough as nails and twice as sharp. He loves to fight with his parents and already knows considerably more than they. Just ask him. Hell tell you. The funny thing about his parents is that they quit giving child-rearing advice shortly after his birth. Their job suddenly got tougher!

When I think of these parents today, Im reminded of a photograph in my files of an elegantly dressed woman who is holding a cup of coffee. Her little finger is cocked ever so daintily to the side and her face reveals utter self-assurance. Unfortunately, this woman does not yet know that her slip has collapsed around her feet. The caption reads, Confidence is what you have before you understand the situation. Indeed!

More than one tough-minded youngster has sandblasted the confidence of his parents. Thats how he gets his kicks. If you have raised only compliant children who smiled regularly and then hustled off to do your bidding, then beware. You may not yet understand the situation. And the Lord could send you a surprise package too. Of this fact Im certain: If you produce enough babies, you will discover sooner or later that there is nothing simple about human beings...of any age.

From the mail I receive from parents it is clear to me that many are struggling with their responsibilities at home. To learn why, I asked one thousand mothers and fathers to describe the frustrations they were experiencing in child-rearing. Their answers were fascinating. Some talked of sticky telephones, wet toilet seats, and knotted shoestrings. Others told the most delightful stories.

Ill never forget the mother who had been cooped up with her toddler for several weeks. In a desperate effort to get out of the house, she decided to take her son to a Muppet movie...his first. As soon as they arrived in the theater, the mother discovered a minor technical problem. The child didnt weigh enough to keep the spring seat down. There was nothing left to do but hold this churning, squirming two-year-old on her lap throughout the movie.

It was a mistake. Sometime during the next two hours, they lost control of a large Pepsi and a king-sized box of buttered popcorn! That gooey mixture flowed over the child onto the mothers lap and down her legs. She decided to sit it out since the movie was almost over. What she didnt know, unfortunately, was that she and her son were being systematically cemented together. When the movie was over, they stood up and the mothers wraparound skirt came unraveled. It stuck to the bottom of the toddler and followed him up the aisle! She stood there clutching her slip and thanking the Lord she had taken time to put one on!

Cant you see this mother desperately begging the child to drag her skirt back within reach? Parenthood can certainly be humiliating at times. It also seems specifically designed to irritate us. Tell me why it is that a toddler never throws up in the bathroom? Never! To do so would violate some great unwritten law in the universe. It is even more difficult to understand why he will gag violently at the sight of a perfectly wonderful breakfast of oatmeal, eggs, bacon, and orange juice...and then go out and drink the dogs water. I have no idea what makes him do that. I only know that it drives his mother crazy!