Sandra Blackard - Say What You See for Parents and Teachers: More Hugs. More Respect. Elegantly Simple.

CONTENTS

An easy parenting strategy that reallyworks.

Dr. Laura Markham,
founder of Aha! Parenting

Ive used this with my children and clients. Assimple as it is, it has the ability to change every relationshipyou have or will ever have.

Dr. Theresa Kellam,
author of The Parent Survival Guide

Nothing else makes this kind of difference withthe children.

Phyllis Torres, Day Care Owner

It is fantastic. I use these ideas in my middleschool classroom and they WORK!!!

Anne Macharia, Teacher

I have it on my nightstand as a reference.

Dr. Anthony Brown, Parent

I wish I had this when my kids werelittle.

Kathy Romine, Grandparent

Great illustrations and excellentmaterial...interesting and easy to read. I absolutely loved readingthis book.

2012 NAPPA judge,
Dr. Stephanie Mihalas, NCSP,
founder of The Center for Well-Being

Our three-part approach always starts with onething: First SAY WHAT YOU SEE to connect with children. Add aSTRENGTH when you see a behavior you like. Add a CAN DO when yousee a behavior you dont like.

Its that simple.

Written and Illustrated by
Sandra R. Blackard

4th Revised Edition

Published by Language of Listening
at Smashwords

Copyright 2005, 2012 Sandra R. Blackard

All rights reserved. No part of this documentmay be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means,electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise,without prior written permission of the publisher.

Some stories in this book are composites ofactual events. Names are changed or details modified to protect theidentities of individuals. Grammar intentionally reflects commonusage.

Language of Listening and SAY WHAT YOU SEEare registered trademarks of Sandra R. Blackard.

Cover design by Rita Toews
Photo by Patrick Blackard

ISBN-13: 978-0-9800015-3-2
ISBN-10: 0-9800015-3-6

The author and Language of Listeninginstructors are available for speaking engagements. To contact usor find more resources, products, and services, visit ourwebsite:

www.languageoflistening.com

To the memory of my parents, Ruth and HaroldSmith, who grounded me in love.

To Dr. Garry Landreth who opened my eyes to thechilds world.

To my husband Pat and our daughters Colleen andBetsy who have given me a life I love.

To Eva Sim-Zabka whose vision and friendshiphave kept my dreams for Language of Listening alive.

SAY WHAT YOU SEE simplifies, integrates andexpands on communication techniques and concepts commonly used byplay therapists as they were generously presented to me by a truehero for all children, Dr. Garry L. Landreth, as my mentor and inhis books including, Play Therapy: The Art of theRelationship, Second Edition, (Brunner-Routledge 2002) and withDr. Sue Bratton, Child Parent Relationship Therapy (CPRT),(Routledge 2006).

In addition, I want to acknowledge Dr. HaimGinott for his 1965 book, Between Parent and Child, and hismedia appearances that introduced a number of these groundbreakingconcepts to the public. Although I had not read his work beforewriting this book, he significantly raised the level of parentingawareness in the world, ultimately making books like this onepossible.

I would also like to acknowledge my family andfriends for their years of enthusiastic support, and all of thechildren in my life who have reminded me what it is like to be achild, especially my own two daughters, Colleen and Betsy, and myniece, Kylee.

Id been warned. Brandon was seven years old,always in trouble, and full of excuses. I was the parent volunteerassigned to be his buddy on the first-grade field trip to the zoo.I have to admit that I was uneasy about the assignment and wouldhave preferred to accompany my own child that day, but Iagreed.

After a frantic morning of child-herding asBrandon tried to run ahead to get to the next cage first, sliparound the corner to peek behind the Staff Only door, and duckunder the railing to get a closer look at the lion, the two of ussat down with the teacher and the other kids for a picniclunch.

We had just finished eating when I looked up andsaw Brandon grinning and aiming the straw in his juice box directlyat me. Before I knew it, he squeezed the box and red punch flewonto my white t-shirt.

My usual reaction to reckless behavior after anexhausting morning wouldve been an angry, Look at what you justdid! Indeed, the teacher had just such a look. But instead, I sawBrandons look of horrified shock and responded to what I saw. Iheard myself say to the teacher in a surprisingly calm voice, ItsOK! He didnt mean to do it. Then I said to Brandon, You thoughtthe box was empty!

Upon hearing this, Brandons tense shouldersrelaxed, his little face shifted to remorse, and he noddedprofusely. Instead of excuses, Brandon delivered a heartfeltapology. I got the sense that it was the first time in a long timethat he had been understood rather than blamed for an accident.

The buddy assignment turned out to be valuablefor us both. Each time he saw me for the rest of the school year, Igot a big hug; I could tell he felt good about himself when he wasaround me. With one response, Id demonstrated love and respect andwas getting the same in return.

When we demonstrate love and respect, thats whatwe get back.