THIS BOOK IS WISE AND WONDERFUL!
Lawrence Cohen illuminates play. He speaks to our questions and hesitations as parents, and offers a bounty of ideas and anecdotes that convey his generous spirit and deep understanding of both parents and children. He offers simple things to try, and shows what a difference play can make. A lot of hope for parents springs from these pages.
PATRICIA WIPFLER
Director, Parents Leadership Institute
Too many conscientious mothers and fathers think parenting is all about homework, car pools, and town soccer and are not experiencing much joy with their families. Larry Cohen encourages parents to lose their dignity' in order to find their child,' and then he demonstrates exactly how that can be done. You will find that you can be closer to your children and can enjoy them more. When I finished the book I immediately wanted to go wrestle with my kidsno ticklingand let them win!
MICHAEL THOMPSON, PH.D.
Coauthor of Raising Cain
According to Cohen, children of all ages have an ongoing need for connectedness, security, and attachment; playful interaction with parents is an important way to develop such bonds. The book explores play with compassion, but is often so funny that parents will find themselves chortling out loud with recognition and anticipation.
Publishers Weekly (starred review)
PARENT TESTIMONIALS FOR
PLAYFUL PARENTING
Your ideas are so creative and fun and just generally terrific. It's one thing to read about how important it is to have a sense of fun as a parent, it's another thing entirely to have it modeled, and in a way that I can try out immediately. Instead of feeling like I am not being a good enough parent, it makes me think, Oh, I could do this!
ANNE STRAINCHAMPS
I love your book. It is so gentle and kinda great antidote to our stressed out lives and a prescription for making them less so. It is insightful, accessible, and educational without being pedantic.
PAUL HOLLINGS
I thank you for helping me find new ways to communicate with my little girlthis was so much more fun than yelling at her!
DIANA PARTINGTON
Your book has had an immediate effect on me and my playing with [my son]. I am discovering a whole new dimension to being a parent, which is making me thrive as a mother. And amazingly I can see the difference on my boy as well. At the risk of sounding overly dramatic, this has been a truly ground-breaking book for me.
PIA LOFDAHL
CONTENTS
Why Children Play . Fostering Closeness Instead of Isolation . Fostering Confidence Instead of Powerlessness . Fostering Emotional Recovery Instead of Emotional Distress . Becoming a Playful Parent |
Reentering a World We Once Knew . Providing a Helping Hand . When Children Are Having a Difficult Time Connecting with Peers or Adults . When Children Seem Unable to Play Freely and Spontaneously . When Things Are Changing in Children's Lives . When Children Are in Danger . The Importance of Getting Down on the Floor . Why It's Hard for Adults to Play . I Call It Fathering . A Special Note About Nonparents . Tuning In to Your Child |
Connection, Disconnection, and Reconnection . Filling My Cup: Attachment and the Drive to Reconnect . Playing Toward Connection . The End of Blissful Eye Gazing . Finding Connection Everywhere: The Love Gun . Unlocking the Tower of Isolation . Who Is that Holding You? Moving from Casual Connection to Deep Connection |
Power and Powerlessness . Experimenting with Power: Playing the Poopyhead Game . Preparing Your Child for the World . Quieting That Critical Voice . Recovering Lost Confidence |
Laughing Together . Unlocking the Tower of Powerlessness . Lighten Up the Scene . Making Up and Playing Dumb . Lose Your Dignity to Find Your Child . From Giggles to Tears: When Good Play Leads to Bad Feelings |
Larry's Rules of Wrestling . Getting Started with Playful Wrestling . Aggression . The Benefits of Active Physical Play |
Reversing Roles . From Tragedy to Comedy . Storytelling to Heal Fears . Acting and Directing When Necessary . Fantasy Play . Finding an Original Script |
Why I Play Barbie (and Action Figures), Even Though I Hate It . Connecting with Both Boys and Girls . Boys, Girls, and Powerlessness . Boys and Feelings . Boys and Girls, Playing Together |
Just Say Yes . Do Whatever They Want to Do . Be Safe (But Don't Worry Too Much) . Set Aside PlayTime . Take Time to Recover . Letting Children Take the Lead in Play |
Offer a Gentle Push . Insist on Connection . Challenge . Introduce Important Themes . Make It Fun . Leading the Way |
Dependence (I Can't!) and Independence (I'd Rather Do It Myself!) . Aggression . Sexual Feelings and Expressions . Invite the Behavior You Hate |
Containing Feelings versus Releasing Them . Taking Time Out for Feelings . Adults' Unfelt Feelings . Handling Tantrums and Frustrations . Handling Expressions of Anger . Handling Fear and Anxiety . Handling Children's Tears . Putting the Brakes on Whining . Experiencing the Big Cry . Encouraging Emotional Literacy Through Play |
Cool Off . Make a Connection . Choose a Meeting on the Couch over a Time-out . Play! . Instill Good Judgment . Look Underneath the Surface, at Children's Feelings and Needs . Prevent Instead of Punish . Know Your Child . Set Clear Limits . An Unexpected Hero |
Playing with More Than One Child . Every Child Has Sibling Rivalry (Even If They Don't Have Siblings) . Siblings and Refilling the Empty Cup . The Hidden Power of Younger Siblings, and Other Mysteries of Family Dynamics . Playful Parenting with Siblings |
Having Our Own Turn . Getting Our Own Cups Filled . Helping Out Other Parents . When Adults Are Locked in the Towers of Isolation and Powerlessness . Becoming a Great Playmate . Building a Playful Parenting Community |
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
L ike most psychologistsand most parentsI have learned most of what I know about children from getting down on the floor and playing with them. My warmest thanks to all those children, and to their parents, especially Eileen Ryan and her family. Your names are all changed in this book, but I hope I have been true to all that you have taught me. Thanks also to my teachers, especially Holly Jorgenson and Patty Wipfler.
It has been a privilege to be involved in various writing, teaching, and consulting projects with two gifted child psychologists, Sam Roth and Michael Thompson. Listening to them and talking with them about children and childhood has shaped my thinking more than I could possibly convey through a footnote.
I want to thank Anne Strainchamps for saying, You should write a book; my agent, Josh Horwitz, for saying, You can sell this book, and for showing me how; and my editors, Elizabeth Zack, Ginny Faber, and Joanne Wyckoff, for making it a reality. I would never have had the nerve to write a book at all if it weren't for Kathryn Deputat's writing classes and seminars, and I could not have written this book without the emotional and intellectual support of the Re-evaluation Counseling Communities. Thanks also to Kate Bowditch, for careful and thoughtful reading of earlier drafts.