Cheryl B. Evans - I Promised Not to Tell: Raising a transgender child

I Promised Not to Tell

Raising a transgender child

Written by Mom

I Promised Not to Tell

Raising a transgender child
Written by Mom

Copyright 2016 Cheryl B. Evans All rights reserved.

Published by Cheryl B. Evans - Ontario, Canada
www.writtenbymom.ca
No part of this eBook may be copied, transmitted in any form by any means, used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without the prior written permission from the publisher with the except in a brief quotation embodied in a review or mention.

First Published in 2016

Hardcover ISBN: 978-0-9951807-0-3
Paperback ISBN: 978-0-9951807-1-0
eBook mobi format ISBN: 978-0-9951807-3-4
eBook epub format ISBN: 978-0-9951807-2-7

Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication

This is a work of nonfiction.
Names have been changed to protect the familys privacy.

First Edition - Revised August 2020

Other books by Cheryl B. Evans include:

What Does God Think? Transgender People and The Bible
Wonderfully and Purposely Made: I Am Enough
My Parenting Journey with an LGBTQ+ Child: A Journal
My Parenting Journey with a Transgender Child: A Journal
I Love You Unconditionally: A Journal for LGBTQ Children & Teens

Dedication

I dedicate this book to my two wonderful children. You inspire me and make me want to be a better person. Being your mom has brought me so much joy, even during the challenging times, for you are two of the finest human beings I have ever met and Im blessed to have you call me Mom. I love you. xoxo

I Promised Not to Tell

Raising a transgender child

Written by Mom

Introduction

I magine that you have just had a beautiful, healthy baby. As your baby is being handed to you for the first time, you see her, your perfect baby girl. Taking her tiny hand in yours, you marvel at how small and perfect she is. You take her in your arms and gently kiss her on the forehead as joyful tears fill your eyes. You have waited nine long months to meet your little one, and you are overjoyed that she is finally here. You have taken great care to choose a name for your daughter. Softly speaking her name to her for the first time, you feel an immediate bond. You simply adore her.

Over the coming weeks and months you clothe her, feed her, bathe her, talk to her and embrace her in every way possible. Your heart is full of love for your daughter and you begin to envision the remarkable life that lies ahead of her. As you hold her close in your arms and look down at those perfect little fingers and toes, her magnificent little face, her eyes filled with wonder and you ask yourself, What will she do when she grows up? What will she look like? Will she marry and have children of her own? There are so many possibilities. Images begin to form in your mind as you envision the life she may have one day, but none of them, not a single vision, prepares you for what is to come. Imagine the unanticipated realization that hits you when you discover, that your daughter, isnt your daughter after all. What you are about to read is our familys true story about discovering the son we never knew we had.

When I initially began to write this, I did so without the intention of it ever being published. I thought of my writing as my own very private, personal, therapy sessions.

This allowed me to put my thoughts down on paper without the fear of ridicule or judgement. I allowed myself to be vulnerable and speak honestly from my heart; often shedding tears as I wrote.

Our familys journey was not always an easy one. The emotional highs and lows I experienced were exhausting. It was like being trapped on a rollercoaster, feeling fearful and elated all at the same time. Wishing it would slow down, even for a minute, so I could catch my breath. Putting my many thoughts and feelings down on paper helped me come to terms with what was happening. There was so much to learn, to acknowledge and to understand. This whole story, which I documented over the course of almost three years, has brought me from ignorance to acceptance.

My family, specifically my husband and two children, mean everything to me. There is nothing I wouldnt do for them. I have learned a lot about myself and each one of them during the time it has taken for this story to unfold. Most importantly, I learned that love, patience and time really do heal.

Along this journey, I became enlightened to the hardships that many transgender people face, some at the hands of complete strangers and some at the hands of their own families. Our society often seems a nave and cruel place when it comes to the acceptance and treatment of transgender people. It was the knowledge of the existence of these things that got me thinking about sharing our story with the world. Once I thought about this story as one that might actually become published, I began to write about some of the broader issues. I do not want to believe bigotry, hatred and discrimination will win out, but I realize that without stories like ours being told, we cant expect others to understand.

The main problem, as I see it, is the lack of understanding of what it really means to be a transgender person. The more stories that get shared the more I hope we, as a society, can become more understanding, more compassionate and more accepting. If sharing this deeply personal story can make a difference, even for one person or one family, then sharing it will have been worth it. If this story can help to change some of societys negative views towards the transgender community, then I am grateful I found the courage to write it. If this story is able to touch your heart and leave even a small impression on your soul it will have been worth it. If after reading this book, you feel you have gained a better understanding of what it means to be a transgender person then this book has fulfilled its purpose.

Our real names have been changed throughout the book. By doing so, it gave me a way to share our familys story with you and still honour the promise I made to my son when I promised not to tell. Now, I give you, our story

Sincerely,

Cheryl B. Evans

PART ONE

Ignorance is Bliss

C H A P T E R 1

Two Beautiful Daughters

F rom the time I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to be a mom. I was twenty six when my first baby was born, a beautiful healthy baby girl. We named her Mariah. When Mariah was on the way I made a commitment to myself that I would do whatever I needed to do, to be able to stay home with her. When my maternity leave was finished, I resigned from my job to make that a reality. Leaving the corporate world behind in favour of becoming a stay at home mom is a decision I have never regretted.

My husband, Jim was wonderfully supportive and worked hard to support our family and make my dream of staying home possible. Looking back, I realize how truly blessed I was to be able to stay home with Mariah. I will always cherish the memories I have from the early years when it was just her and I most of the time. She was a wonderfully bright, very loving, happy little girl and I loved being her mom more than anything in the world.

We took daily walks, often to the park, discovering the outdoors and enjoying the fresh air. We would read every day, something I started doing with her before she was even born. There were the regular nap time and night time stories, but we would always find time to squeeze in extra story time throughout the day. I think we read Goodnight Moon and Forever Your Baby Ill Be a thousand times each. Well, maybe not a thousand times, but often, so very often.