Helen Cowie - Emily Is Being Bullied, What Can She Do?: A Story and Anti-Bullying Guide for Children and Adults to Read Together

Emily Is
Being Bullied,
What Can
She Do?

A Story and Anti-Bullying
Guide for Children and
Adults to Read Together

HELEN COWIE, HARRIET TENENBAUM
AND FFION JONES

Illustrated by Ffion Jones

Jessica Kingsley Publishers
London and Philadelphia

Contents

How to use this book

This book can be used by parents or teachers as a helpful resource to discuss bullying. The first part of the book is a fictional story about a child who is bullied at school, with a focus on different ways of ending the bullying. The second part of the book is a guide for adults and includes definitions of bullying that put the behaviour in its larger context, suggestions for ways to help children prevent and resolve bullying situations, and further resources for parents and teachers.

The book highlights that bullying is never the fault of the child being bullied. However, children who are being bullied might find some of the story and pictures upsetting. We recommend that you read the book first before you read it together with your child or students. When you read it together, take time to discuss the ideas and feelings evoked. You may wish to ask questions about how the main character feels and how the school and other children might help to resolve the situation. This may help to reinforce the books positive message that everyone can make a difference in the bullying situation.

Emily

Hello. My name is Emily and I have been bullied.

Id like to tell you how I was bullied, what it felt like and what helped make it stop.

What is bullying?

I didnt know what the word bullying really meant until it started happening to me. I thought it was being beaten up or being threatened. Sometimes it is, but really bullying is when someone hurts or upsets someone else on purpose, again and again over time.

Some children pick on people to make themselves feel better, because bullying is about power. Sometimes they are actually bigger or stronger, but sometimes they just know how to make themselves popular. They pick on people using this power so that they can feel more powerful, usually because they dont feel that they have power in other parts of their lives.

What happened when I was bullied

I didnt even know I was being bullied at first. It just happened one break time that no one would play with me. Eventually, someone told me that a girl called Hannah had been spreading rumours about me. Ive known Hannah a long time, but weve never been friends. I didnt know why she would say mean things about me and so I thought it must be a mistake. I didnt think it was going to be a problem.

But Hannah was popular, so people seemed to listen to her. Soon, I didnt have anyone to play with.

Hannah and her friends would whisper when I went past and sometimes they would hiss words at me, like weird and ugly. Hannah started calling me Smellily when the teacher wasnt around. I thought it was a stupid name, but it still upset me.

In the hallway, Hannah and her friends would push past me, knocking my bag out of my hands. They would smile and say Sorry! in a sarcastic voice, but I knew they were doing it on purpose.

Some people laughed when it happened, but most of them just watched and said nothing. Nobody helped me pick up my bag and no one stuck up for me. I didnt understand why everyone seemed to be taking Hannahs side over mine.

I wished I was invisible.

How I felt when I was bullied

At school

I started to hate going to school. It felt like everyone was looking at me all the time and talking about me behind my back. Id try to keep my head down and keep myself to myself.

I didnt even want to be with people like Beth and Ravi, who Ive known forever. I thought we were friends, but they werent standing up for me, so now I wasnt so sure. I wondered if they had ever really liked me, or maybe I had done something that had put them off me. I couldnt think what it could be. Maybe I was weird, like everyone said.

Because I didnt know why the bullying was happening, I didnt know what to do about it. It was so confusing.

I was scared.

I didnt have anyone to talk to about it and so it felt like the problem was getting bigger and bigger.

I kept going to the school nurse. I said it was because I felt sick and I had a headache. I did a bit but mainly it was because it meant I could miss class. I couldnt concentrate in class anyway because I kept worrying about what was going to happen at lunch time.

But then the teachers started to notice I wasnt doing too well and that got me worried. School felt like the only thing I was really good at and now I wasnt even good at that. I started to hate even being there and I didnt even stay for my after-school clubs, like hockey and Spanish. I used to really enjoy them, but I just wanted to get away as soon as possible.

At home

I suppose it should have been a relief to be at home and away from the situation with Hannah, but it wasnt like that. I couldnt stop thinking about what was happening at school.

At night, I couldnt get to sleep because Id go over and over the situation at school, thinking about what this person said or that person did. When I finally fell asleep, Id have nightmares about everything that was happening with Hannah. Staying up late and not sleeping properly meant I was tired and cross all day. All I wanted to do was stay in my room. I didnt even want to get out of bed in the mornings. I started saying I was sick so that I wouldnt have to go to school or join in with family time. Even at the weekend all I wanted to do was stay in my room, because I was already worrying about Monday.

Just thinking about school made me feel sick. Mum kept asking if I was OK and even though I knew she was worried, I was embarrassed about the whole situation and would tell her to leave me alone. I thought that I was the problem, so I was the one who had to fix it. I thought that I had to handle it all myself.

My little brother tried to cheer me up by playing with me, but Id just shout at him. I felt so angry and upset all the time. It felt like I would always feel like this.

What I thought about when I was being bullied

One of the main things Id think about when I was being bullied was Why me? I couldnt think of anything Id done that might make people think I was a bad person who deserved to be treated this way.

Because I couldnt think of anything Id done to deserve being bullied, I thought it was because of who I was. Im not perfect, but I think Im nice to people. Im a bit quiet and shy but people say they like that about me. I wondered if maybe it was because I liked putting my hand up when the teacher asked questions. So I stopped doing that, but the bullying carried on anyway.