Carl E. Pickhardt - The Everything Parents Guide To Positive Discipline: Professional Advice For Raising A Well-behaved Child

THE EVERYTHING PARENT'S GUIDE TO POSITIVE DISCIPLINE

Professional advice for raising a well-behaved child

Carl E. Pickhardt, Ph.D.

Copyright 2004, F+W Publications, Inc.

All rights reserved. This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any form without permission from the publisher; exceptions are made for brief excerpts used in published reviews.

An Everything Series Book.

Everything and everything.com are registered trademarks of F+W Publications, Inc.

Published by Adams Media, an F+W Publications Company 57 Littlefield Street, Avon, MA 02322 U.S.A. www.adamsmedia.com

ISBN 10: 1-58062-978-4

ISBN 13: 978-1-58062-978-2 (paperback)

ISBN 13: 978-1-60550-516-9 (EPUB)

Printed in the United States of America.

J I H G F E D

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Pickhardt, Carl E.

The everything parent's guide to positive discipline / Carl E. Pickhardt.

p. cm.

ISBN 1-58062-978-4

ISBN 13: 978-1-60550-516-9 (EPUB)

1. Discipline of children. I. Title. II. Series: Everything series.

HQ770.4.P53 2003

649.64 dc21

2003014701

This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information with regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering legal, accounting, or other professional advice. If legal advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought.

From a Declaration of Principles jointly adopted by a Committee of the American Bar Association and a Committee of Publishers and Associations

Many of the designations used by manufacturers and sellers to distinguish their products are claimed as trademarks. Where those designations appear in this book and Adams Media was aware of a trademark claim, the designations have been printed with initial capital letters.

Cover illustrations by Barry Littmann.

This book is available at quantity discounts for bulk purchases. For information, call 1-800-289-0963.

All the examples and dialogues used in this book are fictional, and have been created by the author to illustrate disciplinary situations.

THE PARENT'S GUIDE TO Positive Discipline

Dear Reader,

When I was awarded my Ph.D. in counseling psychology and called my mother to let her know I was officially degreed, her response was, Wonderful! Now you'll never have any more problems with your children. Not quite. Like any other parent, I mostly muddle through.

As for being a private-practice psychologist, that is actually a very humbling experience. Each day I learn more about how much I don't know. Thank goodness for my teachers. Every parent and every child and every family I have ever counseled with have each managed to teach me something about parenting I didn't know before. And I am forever in their debt for this continuing education. Much of my function as a psychologist is to pass this understanding along through counseling, giving public talks, and writing various books about parenting.

My purpose in writing this book is not to get you to agree with what I say. It is to get you to think about how you want to discipline your children. Please take what you like and leave the rest. And one final thing: Enjoy your kids!

Welcome to THE PARENT'S GUIDES

A S A PARENT , you're swamped with conflicting advice and parenting techniques that tell is best for your child. THE EVERYTHING PARENT'S GUIDES get right to the point about specific issues. They give you the most recent, up-to-date information on parenting trends, behavior issues, and health concerns providing you with a detailed resource to help you ease your parenting anxieties.

THE EVERYTHING PARENT'S GUIDES are an extension of the bestselling Everything series parenting category. These family-friendly books are designed to be a one-stop guide for parents. If you want authoritative information on specific topics not fully covered in other books, THE EVERYTHING PARENT'S GUIDES are the perfect resource to ensure that you raise a healthy, confident child.

Visit the entire Everything series at everything.com

disciplinen. 1. and parental correction teach a child to live e Discipline is a combination of parental instruction and parental correction that teach a child to live according to family values and within family rules.

Acknowledgments

To Irene, with whom parenting has been, and continues to be, an adventure, a delight, and a surprise.

Introduction

P ARENTING IS THE PROCESS of caretaking and education through which you help your child grow from a dependent infant into an independent young adult. Caretaking is a matter of expressing love. Education is a matter of training. As a healthy parent, you must provide both love and training to raise a healthy child. Providing love alone or training alone is not enough. Training without love can become extremely oppressive, and love without training can become overindulgent. In either case, a spoiled child can result a child who is spoiled for healthy relationships later on because he is too socially compliant or socially domineering.

Discipline is part of a parent's training responsibility. Your job is to help your child learn right beliefs and follow right behaviors in life through example and direction. The definition of right depends on the traditions and values you carry into parenthood from your own personal experiences. No two families subscribe to exactly the same definitions of right.

The Everything Parent's Guide to Positive Discipline describes the different strategies for instilling discipline in your child in a positive way as he or she grows from infancy through adolescence. As your child changes with age, you must change your approaches to discipline to remain effective.