Ellen Bowers - The Everything Parents Guide to Positive Discipline: A Constructive Approach to Raising a Kind, Cooperative, and Respectful Child

THE

PARENTS GUIDE TO
POSITIVE DISCIPLINE

2ND EDITION

Dear Reader,

When I became a mother, my own mother wisely said to me that being a parent is one of those things that you dont really know how to do until youre finished with it, and then you dont need to know anymore!

I learned along the way, much as she predicted, in many ways letting my child chart the course with her needs and inclinations, combined in a unique way with my own values, beliefs, and what I learned from studies and other parents.

Discipline can be one of those bugaboo aspects of being a parent that may worry you or scare you. It doesnt have to be that way. Discipline naturally arises from honest, respectful relations, just as it does in your normal adult life. The only difference is that the child is smaller, younger, and less experienced. Youre the guide, helping the little one to be a responsible person among others. Youll find its not so bad.

From one whos been there and is still smiling,

Ellen Bowers, PhD

WELCOME TO THE

PARENTS GUIDES

Everything Parents Guides are a part of the bestselling Everything series and cover common parenting issues like childhood illnesses and tantrums, as well as medical conditions like asthma and juvenile diabetes. These family-friendly books are designed to be a one-stop guide for parents. If you want authoritative information on specific topics not fully covered in other books, Everything Parents Guides are your perfect solution.

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When youre done reading, you can finally say you know EVERYTHING!

PUBLISHER Karen Cooper

DIRECTOROFACQUISITIONSANDINNOVATION Paula Munier

MANAGINGEDITOR,EVERYTHINGSERIES Lisa Laing

COPYCHIEF Casey Ebert

ASSISTANTPRODUCTIONEDITOR Jacob Erickson

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EVERYTHINGSERIESCOVERDESIGNER Erin Alexander

LAYOUTDESIGNERS Colleen Cunningham, Elisabeth Lariviere, Ashley Vierra, Denise Wallace

Visit the entire Everything series at www.everything.com

THE

PARENTS GUIDE TO
POSITIVE
DISCIPLINE

2ND EDITION

A constructive approach to raising a kind,
cooperative, and respectful child Ellen Bowers, PhD

Ellen Bowers, PhD

This book is dedicated to you, the reader, as you
have embarked upon a courageous journey, raising
and disciplining a child. I applaud you.

discipline (ds-pln) n.

1. Discipline is a combination of parental example, instruction, and correction that teaches a child to live according to family values and rules in harmony with society and culture.

Acknowledgments

To Janet, who taught me that parenting is one of the most creative, enjoyable pursuits available to human beings, and to my parents, who so lovingly and firmly set a foundation for the rearing of functioning, independent, individualistic people.

Introduction

P arenting is the process of caretaking and education through which you help your child grow from a dependent infant into an independent young adult. Caretaking is a matter of expressing love. Education is a matter of training. As a healthy parent, you must provide both love and training to raise a healthy child. Providing love alone or training alone is not enough. Training alone is oppressive, and love alone can be overindulgent. In either case, a spoiled child can resulta child who is ruined for healthy relationships later on because he is too socially compliant or socially domineering.

Discipline is a part of a parents responsibility. Your job is to help your child learn workable beliefs and behaviors in life through example and direction. The definition of right and wrong in your family depends on the traditions and values that you carry into parenthood from your own background and personal experiences. No two families subscribe to exactly the same definitions of what is right.

Starting out as a first-time parent can be a humbling experience. It is easy to feel overwhelmed by incompetence. What am I to do? My child is crying, and I dont know what is wrong! Im older and wiser, but my teenager is running the show! The truth is, your children teach you how to parent as they grow. You will be a fast learner, and you know more than you think you do. You will adapt and improvise to suit the situation.

Just to give you a head start, however, here are six As that most children want from their parents all through their growing up.

Attentionlistening and noticing

Acceptanceunderstanding and interest

Approvalvaluing and praise

Appreciationacknowledgment and thanks

Affectionlove through telling and through touch

Authorityrules and guidelines for living

Keep delivering these, and your parenting should be fine.

CHAPTER 1
The Basics of Discipline

C hildren are born totally dependent on external care and knowing nothing about social conduct. Your job as a parent is to provide stable support and nurturing love, and to create a structure of beliefs and behavior that your child can beneficially learn to live by. Your disciplinary responsibility is to clearly establish this structure. Discipline is more than simply getting your child to behave the way you want him to or stopping your child from behaving the way you dont want on a specific occasion.