Karen Bongiorno - The ABCs of Being Mom: Advice and Support from the Mom Next Door, Birth through Kindergarten

THE
ABCs
OF BEING MOM

Copyright 2021 Karen Bongiorno

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, digital scanning, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, please address She Writes Press.

Published 2021

Printed in the United States of America

Print ISBN: 978-1-64742-010-9

E-ISBN: 978-1-64742-011-6

Library of Congress Control Number: 2020921887

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For my dear husband and children and for loving moms everywhere.

I t started in the delivery room, when I became a mother on a gorgeous October day that sparkled with autumns vibrancy. Such a day had to be filled with possibility and promise! And it was, because at 5:57 p.m. on that October day, my first child, my daughter, entered the world two weeks before her November due date.

She arrived crying, no doubt letting us know that she was not happy to have been squeezed out and cut loose from her warm, secure haven of the last eight and a half months, and deposited without a warning into this bright, cold, wide-open space. The doctor and nurses ignored her cries and began attending to her newborn requirements: the routine Apgar tests for vital signs and responsiveness, recordings of her weight and length, and imprints of her tiny, perfect feet.

Thats when it happened: I began to worry. I didnt see the instruction manual! Wasnt it supposed to be attached to her ankle in a waterproof bag? Without that guide, how would I ever become a good mom who was capable of raising a balanced and happy child?

While I was pregnant, Id read numerous books explaining my babys daily natal development. Id eaten the necessary foods to provide the right vitamins, proteins, and minerals for my growing baby. Id baked my own healthy snacks, taken the prescribed neonatal vitamins, and given up caffeine and alcohol. Id gone to my OB/GYN appointments with a list of questions to make certain my baby-to-be was growing properly. Both my husband and I took Lamaze classes and even a baby CPR class. Id followed all the doctors and experts advice in the books I read, to ensure that my baby would enter the world healthy. But now I needed the sequel to tell me what I needed to know about motherhood itself.

I worried as the nurses were busy cleaning my daughter. They secured her in the standard newborn hospital blanketwhite with faded stripes of narrow pink and thick blue. Next, they topped her head with a tiny knit hat. By now she was warm and swaddled and had stopped crying, but I could not stop shaking. My adrenal hormones were causing my body to react after labor, although I didnt know this at the time. I wondered what was happening. I asked the doctor and labor nurses, When does the shaking stop?

A male nurse answered cheerfully, Not until they go off to college, as if to say, Lots of luck, lady, we just deliver the babies. Now off you go and just get on with it.

I wrote the THE ABCs OF BEING MOM to help you as you get on with your journey of loving, nurturing, teaching, guiding, and raising your child from the day she or he is born until the day he or she leaves for college. Because, with the arrival of your baby, whether you are your childs birth mother or adoptive mother, your life as you knew it has changed. Completely.

There are many books that tell all about babies and what to expect when you are pregnant. Many books explain the developmental stages your baby, toddler, child, and adolescent will go through, and how he or she will transform physically and emotionally in each stage.

THE ABCs OF BEING MOM, however, is not one of those. THE ABCs OF BEING MOM was written specifically for moms, telling you what its like to be Mom, taking you through the various stages of motherhood, telling you what to watch out for and whats likely to come next.

Moms encounter a full spectrum of emotions. We worry, question, doubt, cheer, become confused, agonize, praise, and feel proud, happy, blessed, delighted, angry, and sadsometimes all in the same day. We learn and assimilate as we grow and pass through phases. For the most part, we begin our journey with no experience, adapting and learning as we go. We take on roles and responsibilities as they present themselves.

Before becoming a mother, we heard people say, Motherhood is wonderful! This is true, but we could not fully understand this because we had not yet experienced motherhood. Motherhood is a different kind of wonderful; it completely engulfs us, filling our hearts and souls with devoted passion and love for our children. It plants us deeply in a field, where we grow and feel the warmth, connection, and joy of loving freely and absolutely.

As mothers, we learn we need support on our journey of raising our children. We discover that caring for our children brings new challenges, questions, and added layers of detail and information to keep track of. Our priorities change, as do our views and outlook. Our world, hearts, and knowledge expand. We master one phase or role and are regularly faced with new ones to figure out and take on.

We dont get much feedback on our efforts or know if what we are experiencing is normal. We have no frame of reference. At times we feel confident and happy in being Mom. Other times we falter and have fears about how to handle the circumstances and situations we face. Sometimes we just feel exhausted or overwhelmed by the chaos and disarray in our lives and homes. If we do have time to pause for reflection, we recognize how much meaning came into our lives when we became Mom and how special it is to be Mom. Above all, we know we love our children and want them to be happy.

This is certainly how being a mother has been for me. While raising my children, I loved them fiercely, but I did a lot of worryingsomething Id not done much of before. By nature, I am an optimist and a hard worker, and Id made my way through adult life this wayworking hard at each stage, expecting Id do fine and would continue this way. Id taken each step, from being a college student and then a graduate, to beginning a successful career, to building a happy marriage. This had added up to a reasonably balanced life. But all this changed when I became a mother. I was still an optimist, but I was no longer balanced, and Id become a worrier.

The epiphany that your life really has changed doesnt occur until your baby arrives. When you were pregnant or preparing to adopt your child, people probably told you, Motherhood is life changing. At that time, your thoughts might have been something like,