J. Patrick Lewis - If You Were a Chocolate Mustache

If You Were a Chocolate Mustache
Poems by J. Patrick Lewis
Drawings by Matthew Cordell Text copyright 2012 by J. Patrick Lewis
Drawings copyright 2012 by Matthew Cordell All rights reserved
For information about permission to reproduce selections from this book, contact . The Bog Poet was first published in the August 2008 issue of Cricket magazine. Honk If Youre a Reader was first published in the July 2009 issue of Language Arts . Nicknames in the NBA was first published in the anthology The Arrow Finds Its Mark: A Book of Found Poems, edited by Georgia Heard, copyright 2012, Roaring Brook Press.

Papa Bear was first published in the anthology Poems for Fathers , selected by Myra Cohn Livingston, copyright 1989, Holiday House; it later appeared in the anthology Ring Out Wild Bells, selected by Lee Bennett Hopkins, copyright 1992, Harcourt Brace. Spoiled Rotten was first published in the anthology Nasty Bugs, selected by Lee Bennett Hopkins, copyright 2012, Dial. On , the poem The Universal Turtle Verse and accompanying artwork are an homage to the famous childrens poet Shel Silverstein and his wonderful poems and books, but they imply no endorsement or authorization by Mr. Silverstein or his heirs or estate.
An Imprint of Boyds Mills Press, Inc.
815 Church Street
Honesdale, Pennsylvania 18431
Printed in the United States of America ISBN: 978-1-59078-927-8
ISBN: 978-1-62979-179-1 (ebook)
Library of Congress Control Number: 2012939794 First edition
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Design by Barbara Grzeslo
Production by Margaret Mosomillo
The text for this book is set in Candida
The drawings are done in pen and ink. For Sue JPL For Julie and Romy MC The Backward Man There was a man from Santa Cruz Who sold his shiny Sunday shoes The shoelaces, The shoelace holes, The heels and tongues.

He sold the soles. And not one thing was overlooked He sold the steps the shoes once took! The nincompoop who bought the shoes Now walks around in Santa Cruz But always with a backward look, Taking steps the shoes once took.

One Lost Sock Quandary? Laundry. Try yer Dryer. Dragon Dryer Sitting in the corner Is a Dragon in a crate. I push its belly button, Then I watch it agitate Heavy Duty/Cottons/ Linens/Delicates Wham! It thumps against the Washer Monster blam, blam, blam! The Dragon Dryers rocking On its heels and toes So hard I think it must be Having breakfast, Toastie Clothes .

Finally, I think its safe To creep up on the beast. Dragon D. enjoyed himself: The laundry is deceased!

Bear One, Bear Two Bear One was big, Bear Two, look-see! They tipped the scales at GET OFF ME! Bear One got thin, like Two, his twin A double loss of a triple chin. Bear One got sickwhat a dirty trick. Bear Two took care of his twin sidekick. Bear Two told jokes; Bear One got well.

Bear Two said, Laughters a magic spell . Bear One said, Im staying home from school , Bear Two said, One, thats against the rule . Bear One sang a song to a banjo string, Bear Two sang along to an onion ring. Bear Two ran away, Bear One stayed home Bear Two had the wandering chromosome. Bear One, sad sack, till Two came back A double yolk is hard to crack.

Mexican Jumping Bean Why does the Mexican jumping bean jump? Inside the bean, theres a larva-size lump.

The lump was an egg of the bean moth, and now The caterpillar bean moth is taking a bow And doing the mambo, the tango ol! (The heat from your hand makes it rock and roll! )

The Longest Watermelon Seed Spit Lee did the watermelon deed that I think I can super-seed. Book Riddles: Three Poems A Princess naps a hundred years Until some lippy guy appears. Charles Perrault Sleeping Beauty This tale becomes a trail of crumbs. The Brothers Grimm Hansel and Gretel Exterminator catches pests; the town refuses his requests. He sets out to right the wrong by playing on his flute a song exciting and inviting thats when kids start disappearing. Rats! Robert Browning Brothers Grimm, The Pied Piper of Hamelin Mr.

Twisty I touch my ankle to my shoulder, And bring my heel up to my waist, Then curl my leg around my collar Quite easily although red-faced. I pinch my shoulder blades together. My tibia brushes my nose, My chin caresses my patella. And Pretzel-Wears my brand of clothes.

Never Eat Your Pretzels Straight Oh, never eat your pretzels straight. A pretzel ought to circul8! A pretzel fried without a twist Is like a knuckleball you missed! A pretzel made without a weave Is only pretzel make-believe.

A pretzel thats not baked to bend Deserves the name Pretzel Pretend, Salt-on-a-Twig, or Feed the Squirrel. Pretzels zing when pretzels curl.

Black & White A voyage to Antarctica Allowed me to pursue A study of the penguins ways And why he never flew. You must admit, the Penguin said, The studys overdue. This flipper flips, that flapper flaps You neednt take a note. (Which would have been impossible; The Penguin rocked the boat.) And while he sharpened icicles, He told this anecdote.

Ducks and geese fly north! said he. It simply isnt right! Their overcoats are blue and green, Theyre guaranteed for flight. We penguins cant get off the ground, Were only black and white! A better explanation I Agreed I never heard. Surprising, too, it was because Id heard it from a bird. The Penguin poked his pocket watch And left without a word.

Danny Dooley Danny Dooley, what a dilly, Danny Dooley, he was swell.

Danny Dooley loved his honey, Judy Jingle. Shes a belle. Danny Dooley lost his honey, Lost his true love down a well. Judy Jingle lost her doozie, Danny Dooley, when she fell. Danny Dooley went in mourning To the well where she fell in. As he sniffled in his hankie, So did Judy Jingles twin.

Danny Dooley fell in love with Joanie Jingle. Shes a peach. Oh, he still loves Judy Jingle, But shes slightly out of reach.