JD Stockholm - Dear Teddy

DEAR TEDDY

J D Stockholm

What readers are saying:

Fresh writing style.

... a sobering look into the terrifying world of child abuse as seen through the survivor's eyes... a five-year-old boy.

The reader is easily transported.

I found myself praying for him throughout the book. I found myself cursing and talking out loud and comforting him.

... then there was his childlike vocabulary, his bright mind, his utterly sweet spirit, even his ignorance of what was actually happening on every level, it was all like a buffer against the horror of it.

Copyright 2012 J D Stockholm

All Rights Reserved

Also by JD Stockholm

Dear Teddy

Dark Ramblings of the Phoenix

Telling Teddy

Stupid Boy

Goodbye Teddy

T o Jamie.

I wrote this story for you. The story of a little boy a long time ago. I never realised how big his voice really was, or even what he meant to me. Maybe I dont always say it. Maybe I dont always feel it.. Im glad that you are part of my life. Without your strength and courage, perhaps this story would not be possible. I owe the words to you.

Thank you.

***

T hank you to Diane for all your support, smacks, jabs, pokes and generally being there through all the hard times that came about while I wrote this. Thank you to Sue for taking the time to read through this to make sure that it was right. Thank you to Mr. Ted. For always holding my hand when I needed it and for still watching over me.

Based on a true story. Though names, places and dates may have been changed.

Contact

http://jdstockholm.com/

http://www.facebook.com/dearmrted

His Name Is Ted.

His name is ted

But he doesn't understand

I lay there waiting

Holding his hand

Night has come

And I lie and stare

I cannot close my eyes

I do not dare

I clutch his paw

And hold on tight

Maybe my prayers

will be answered tonight

The floor boards creak

outside my door

And I know I have been bad

Once more

The tears fall

Before he starts

Another night

And a broken heart

He takes my clothes

And my soul

I cannot get back

The innocence he stole

I cry for my mum

But she does not come

No chance of rescue

For her evil son

My teddy bear

Held tight in bed

He will never tell

The secrets I said.

CHAPTER ONE

L ittle boy, little boy,

Curled in a ball.

I know your secrets,

I know them all.

Dont tell. Dont tell. Its a secret, you know.

It was special, my Nan said, Dont tell your mother, so I promised I wouldnt. I had to tell Mr. Ted, of course. I told him. He knew everything. He looked after me. He was magic and he kept them away; the bad people that came.

We were going to the circus. I had never seen one before, not in real life, just on the television or in books at school. I asked Mr. Ted what he thought about them, but he didnt know. He had never been either.

He wasnt allowed to come with us. Hell get lost if you take him, my Nan said. And then what will you tell your mother?

I thought about that; Mr. Ted all alone in the dark or that maybe someone else would find him and take him home. What would I do then? He wouldnt be able to find his way home and then the bad man would get me.

I knew my Nan was right, but it still made me sad. I didnt want to leave him home alone. I did as I was told. I took him to my room and placed him in the bed; just his head and his arms popping out from under the covers.

Ill tell you all about it, I said to him before I left. I promise.

The circus was big. Bigger than anything I had ever seen before. I wished I could tell my mum and dad about it, but my Nan said they wouldnt understand and so I promised not to tell. But I could tell Mr. Ted. He wouldnt tell anyone.

There were clowns with big feet and funny coloured hair. People on ropes that swung through the air. I wondered how they didnt fall. It was like flying. Everyone cheered when the man caught the girl and I jumped up. I was afraid he would miss. I had forgotten myself and I winced with the pain.

My Nan didnt see. I didnt want her to know. She would ask me questions and want to look, but then she would know I had been bad.

At the end of the show when it went dark, I sat and waited. I didnt want it to be over. No one else moved either. They waited just like I did and when the small lights lit the ground, like tiny stars down below; I couldnt wait as I leaned forward.

Four platforms raised and out came elephants and dancers. They stood in the corners. A man came out; my Nan said he was called the ringmaster. He wore a long coat. It was red and black, and his hat was tall like the ones that were in my books. He was real.

Music began and the crowd started to clap. It was so loud I could feel it in my chest like a heartbeat.

Happy Birthday he sang and listed some names. He said my name and two other boys. I gasped and stared as my Nan leaned over my shoulder and smiled.

Thats me? I asked her and she nodded with a grin.

Go on, she said, as the ringmaster called us down to come and stand with him. He made everyone sing to us like we were something special. My Nan took a picture.

When it was over and we went home again, I got Mr. Ted and we sat in our spot by the fire between the hearth and the chair; out of the way. I had a certificate; it said Happy Birthday and my name in big red letters.

I told Mr. Ted about the way the clowns made each other fall over. I told him about the animals and the flying people. I told him about what my Nan had said and the song that was sung. She told me I was five and it was my birthday. I had never had a birthday before. My brother had them. Hed had three, but my mum told me that children from the devil didnt have birthdays.

Thats where I was from. My mum told me that my dad had forced her and babies made that way came from Satan. But it was okay. She was going to cure me and I wouldnt be evil anymore and then she could love me. I couldnt wait. I didnt need birthdays.

When she gave me Mr. Ted, she told me he was a gift. I had to keep him safe and look after him, and at night when I was sleeping and the evil came into the house, it wouldnt be able to take me because he was there and he wouldnt let them.

He had some fur missing and the squeak in his tummy didnt work anymore, but I didnt mind. He was mine and he listened. He was my friend.

I sat Mr. Ted on my knee and put my certificate into my scrapbook. I stayed quiet by the fire and waited for my mum and dad to come home. I didnt know where they had gone, but when they came back; my dad threw a black sack at me.