Edward Brandon - Covert Manipulation: Discover How to Deal with Narcissism: Recover Yourself from Narcissistic Emotional Abuse caused by Toxic Relationships with Passive-Aggressive Narcissists

Covert Manipulation

Discover How to Deal with Narcissism: Recover Yourself from Narcissistic Emotional Abuse caused by Toxic Relationships with Passive-Aggressive Narcissists.

By Edward Brandon

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Table of Contents

Introduction

Narcissistic personality disorder has been a hot topic for the past few years. Most people have a basic understanding of it as an obsession with oneself. The tale of Narcissus tells the story of a man who fell in love with his own reflection. That is the origin of the disorders name. A narcissist surrounds themselves with people who will make them a priority. This means they often feed off of the emotional energy of empathetic people. They also target people with low self-esteem because they will not require much of people and accept poor treatment.

Narcissists cannot reciprocate. They take but do not give. If they need emotional support you will be expected to provide it for them for as long as they need you to, but if you are going through a rough time and need a shoulder to lean on, they will be nowhere to be found. They will not respond to your calls or messages. They will only come back around when it is yet again their turn to need something, but your turn will never come.

In a genuine relationship, the other person sees you as an equal partner and as a human being with their own feelings, and they know they will need to compromise at times. If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, they see you as a source of their narcissistic supply. This is a term used to describe the endless amount of attention and admiration they need from others. It is a form of sustenance for them. They value you based solely on what use you can be for them, and that is exactly how they place worth on everyone in their life.

Their ego is overblown, but it is easy to bruise. It does not have to be an outright insult. For example, merely focusing on something else other than them for a moment translates in their mind to you implying they are not relevant to you. This is because they require your undivided attention and constant validation. They cannot self-soothe, which is why you will often hear them say they are bored. If you are not giving them attention, they will gain it by pushing your buttons in an attempt to start an argument.

In this book, we will be primarily focusing on covert narcissists. A covert narcissist operates differently from an overtone. They play the victim and their narcissistic supply comes in the form of sympathy and seeing that people are willing to drop everything to help them. However, their supposed victimhood has a sinister side. If you slight them, whether it is real or perceived, which you inevitably, they will be outraged and want to expose you to everyone you know. The most likely source of their anger is that you tried to set a boundary with them and tell them no, which is the word a narcissist cant stand to hear.

A covert narcissist is highly manipulative. They are masters at spinning the facts into their own version of what happened to where they come out of it completely innocent you are the villain. They will tell other people you abuse them and yet they love you, so leaving you isnt an option. This serves to bolster their martyrdom while simultaneously making you look bad in their eyes. At the same time, they will use your feelings and investment in them to get you to do what they want. This will not end until you decide to break away from them, which is often referred to in narcissistic abuse support groups as going no contact.

Getting disentangled from a narcissist is not easy. They will not like the idea of losing you because this is a narcissistic injury for them. This means you not doing what they want or being a source of what they need, will damage their inflated yet fragile opinion of themselves and their importance. You will need to know how to deal with a smear campaign, which is often what happens to a person when they break contact with a narcissist. This means they will try to create a negative public image of you by spreading rumors and generally speaking ill of you to everyone who will listen. You must have the discipline not to retaliate because this will add fuel to the fire. If you handle this correctly, the truth will come out and it is they who will be exposed for their true selves.

If you cannot completely break contact with them, such as if there are children involved or you work with them, we will discuss different methods of dealing with someone with a narcissistic personality. They will throw incendiary words and accusations your way, and you will have to desensitize yourself to it and just stick with the facts. For example, if they start telling you all the things you did wrong in the relationship and how difficult you were to live with, do not respond to this and simply ask if they picked up the kids.

You will also need to recover from their manipulation and abuse, especially if it took place over a long period of time. In fact, you will most likely need to go through some form of therapy because of the constant onslaught of gaslighting, berating, and many other tactics in a narcissists bag of tricks. One of the most effective methods of treating narcissistic abuse is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. This will aid you in seeing the person for who they really are and recognizing what they have done to you as intolerable behavior.

It is no easy task to recover from an abusive cycle and get your life back on track, and it is something you will need to be able to commit. However, if you stick to your principles, combat the backlash with a level head, and reach to other friends both old and new, a life free of manipulation and enriched by friends and opportunities is right around the corner.

Chapter 1: Covert Emotional Manipulation