Caroline Foster - Narcissistic Mothers: How to Handle a Narcissistic Parent and Recover from CPTSD

NARCISSISTIC MOTHERS

How to Handle a Narcissistic Parent

and Recover from CPTSD

Caroline Foster

Copyright 2019

All right reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, recording or otherwiseexcept for brief quotation in printed reviews without the prior written permission of the publisher or the author. Excerpt from the book Narcissistic Partner Abuse: Change Yourself to Stop Being a Victim reprinted by permission.

Disclaimer

The information contained within this document is for educational and entertainment purposes only. All effort has been executed to present accurate, up to date, and reliable, complete information. No warranties of any kind are declared or implied.

Readers acknowledge that the author is not engaging in the rendering of legal, financial, medical or professional advice. The content within this book has been derived from various sources. Please consult a licensed professional before attempting any techniques outlined in this book.

Under no circumstances will any blame or legal responsibility be held against the publisher or author for any damages, reparation, or monetary loss due to the information contained within this book, either directly or indirectly.

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Table of Contents

I write books for people who are dealing with narcissists in different situations. I don't write to display my knowledge or to brag about my credentials. My books are simple and do not contain bibliographic references, because victims of narcissistic abuse are not interested in academic works references. They simply recognize the truth while reading it, because they have experienced the topics of the books throughout their lives.

Moreover, I am not a writer. If you are searching for well-written novels, my books might not be for you.

Dear victim of narcissistic abuse, I care about you, and even if you cannot heal simply by reading a book, I hope that my work will make a positive difference in your life. This is my ambition, and I wish you all the best.

Im going to open this book by first talking about how difficult it is to view a mother as a source of something negative because, regardless of the religion you practice, the culture you grew up in, everywhere in the world, the mother is worshipped. And this is a beautiful thing! But we must also be very careful because this same mother worship protects bad mothers, allowing transgenerational traumas to linger on and on, oblivious to most people.

The taboo of speaking badly about mothers makes it more difficult for people who have been affected by narcissistic mothers to seek healing. Adult children of narcissistic parents are often plagued with so much guilt and sense of deep obligation and shame that they feel duty-bound to keep whatever happened in the family secret, even when it is shredding their lives. Unfortunately, trauma and these kinds of negative emotions can (and if left unchecked will) rob us of the joy of life. These kinds of negative emotions thrive when we dont talk about them or when we do not make enough room for them to dissipate. This issue of toxic mothers challenges the status quo in so many ways but does need to be addressed. The problem with experiencing narcissism from a mother is that you will feel oftentimes unloved and unacknowledged. Its difficult to share your experience because narcissists, and especially narcissistic mothers, can be very good at creating the perfect image of the family for outsiders. The idea of something bad going on inside the family can seem almost unbelievable to an outsider, especially when it is coming from a child, and as children its just difficult to get validation and acknowledgement for many reasons. First, the mother can create a very difficult barrier to penetrate. Second, children often do not have the competence or the ability to state their needs and understand whats going on in a way that makes other people receptive and respectful of their young voices. And in so many cases it just gets worse and worse over time. There are so many men and women that are suffering in silence. Even in the last years of life their mothers are still tormenting them with guilt. Even when theyre on their deathbed, these mothers are still emotionally treating their adult children like doormats and just act horribly.

Therefore, it is important to state that there are lots of invisible wounds, because when you grow up in a narcissistic family there are toxic dynamics that are not all that apparent. These are the most painful situations and leave the most Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) residue. Its so difficult to live with these invisible wounds because you cant quite pinpoint what happened. It could be a series of small but repetitive traumatic events in your life that have made you feel continually worthless, have silenced you, or made you feel like theres something wrong with you and that you are somehow damaged. This is the message you get from growing up in these dysfunctional families. You cant even think for yourself because you are over-reliant on the opinion of others. You suffer in silence and sometimes dont even admit this to yourself. The healing journey will be long and difficult, impossible without the help of a psychotherapist.

This book is the first step forward, a step that I hope will make a difference in your life, because you deserve to finally find happiness.

Lets start with this: narcissism is a mental illness and only a qualified mental health professional can diagnose a person with narcissism. The rest of us only use this label based on our limited knowledge of the subject, which is often informed by what we have heard from others, seen on the Internet, or have personally experienced, all of which may not always be an accurate picture. Therefore, it is important first of all to start this book by explaining what narcissism is and isnt.

You cannot diagnose a personality disorder by just reading the search engine result pages. This requires a professional who has had extensive training on this subject. In a manner of speaking, it is a disease, a psychological affliction. Narcissism has different levels, and professionals use various tests to determine where on the narcissism spectrum a person falls. Even with all of this, it is still not easy to officially diagnose a person with a Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Mental Disorder published by the American Psychiatric Association provides professional information on how to identify a person with pathological narcissism. This book, also known as the Bible of Psychiatry, explains that for someone to be diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), that person has to meet at least five out of nine criteria set out in the book.

NPD is defined in the guidebook as a pervasive pattern of grandiosity in fantasy or in behavior, a constant need for admiration, and a lack of empathy beginning in early adulthood and is seen in a variety of context as indicated by the presence of at least five of the following signs:

• Has a grandiose sense of self-importance; for example, exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior.