Cynthia Bailey-Rug - Life After Narcissistic Abuse: There Is Healing and Hope

Copyright 2015 by Cynthia Bailey-Rug. Allrights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced inany form without written permission by the author. Please visithttp://www.CynthiaBaileyRug.com to contact author via her websiteor email author at .

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Unless otherwise noted, all Scriptures aretaken from the King James Version of the Bible.

Scripture quotations from THE MESSAGE.Copyright by Eugene H. Peterson 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000,2001, 2002. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers,Inc.

Scripture quotations marked (AMP) are takenfrom the Amplified Bible, Copyright 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965,1987 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

Dedication:

This book is dedicated to all who havesurvived narcissistic abuse. May God bless and comfort you as youheal.

Other books by this author:

Non-fiction:

Its All About Me! The Facts About MaternalNarcissism

You Are Not Alone!

Emerging From The Chrysalis

A Witness Of Faith

Lessons From The Heart: What Animals HaveTaught Me About Life And Love

All I Know About Marriage...I Learned TheHard Way!

Pawprints On Our Hearts

Baptism Of Joy

Romantic Inspirations

Facets Of Love

Fiction:

Sins Of The Father

The Christian Womans Guide To Killing HerHusband

Table Of Contents

Introduction

Surviving a relationship with a narcissist isno small accomplishment! Whether that narcissist is a friend,spouse, sibling, or a parent, the pain they can inflict upon theirvictims and the damage they can do is indescribable, and oftenlasts a lifetime. Worst of all is the fact that they do not care inthe least about what they have done to you. Their lack of caring oreven the obvious joy that they show knowing they have hurt youseems to make the pain even worse.

In this book, I hope to help you to heal fromand teach you what I have learned about the complicated task ofhealing from narcissistic abuse.

While many people know and understandNarcissistic Personality Disorder fairly well, they are oftenoblivious as to what to expect when healing from narcissisticabuse. Very little is said about the healing process compared toNarcissistic Personality Disorder. This leads to a large group ofpeople living with problems that they do not understand. Possibly,they may not even connect their problems to being abused by anarcissist.

To add insult to injury, many people do notunderstand the incredible amount of pain and suffering thatnarcissistic abuse entails, and they will make you feel inferiorfor having problems resulting from it. They do not understand thatnarcissistic abuse is extremely insidious - it invades every singlepart of your being. They often think narcissism simply meanssomeone is very selfish, when the reality is it is so much morethan that. Narcissistic abuse can destroy your self-esteem and evenyour sanity, yet many people act as if you, the victim, areoverreacting or exaggerating its effects.

If the abusive narcissist in your life isyour mother, this brings on a whole new level of invalidating,painful comments, such as:

That is your MOTHER! How can you talk abouther like that?

She wont be around forever yanno!

Shes the only mother youll ever have andyou should treat her better!

You need to make things right withher!

So many people put all mothers on a pedestal,even the abusive ones. This can be even more difficult for those inthe Christian community, because if you say anything less thanpositive about your mother, no matter how true it is, so manypeople automatically quote Exodus 20:12 which says, Honour thyfather and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the landwhich the LORD thy God giveth thee. (KJV) Personally, I find itvery interesting that so many of the people who are very quick toquote this Scripture seem to fail to remember Ephesians 6:4,Fathers, do not irritate and provoke your children to anger [donot exasperate them to resentment], but rear them [tenderly] in thetraining and discipline and the counsel and admonition of theLord. (AMP) and Colossians 3:21, Fathers, do not provoke orirritate or fret your children [do not be hard on them or harassthem], lest they become discouraged and sullen and morose and feelinferior and frustrated. [Do not break their spirit.] (AMP).

As a result of this dysfunctional thinkingabout mothers that is so prevalent in society, the victim oftenfeels invalidated, and often wonders if she is overreacting,reading too much into things, being too sensitive or is the reasonher mother treats her so poorly. She may end up not discussing herpain, and suffering in silence. This is very wrong!

If you have read any of my writing, then youknow I grew up with narcissistic parents, was previously married toa narcissist, and my current husbands parents are alsonarcissists. I have plenty of unwanted and unasked for experiencein the area of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Probably as muchas some mental health professionals, even though I never haveworked in the mental health field. I also have no formal educationin mental health. However, I became a Christian in 1996, and sincethen, God has helped me tremendously to heal and to learn aboutthis evil and dangerous disorder. Most recently, God has beenteaching me a lot about the recovery process from narcissisticabuse. I have learned that some problems I currently have, havetheir root in being a victim of narcissistic abuse, even though Inever made the connection before. It has been fascinating to me tolearn these things since I am intrigued by all thingspsychological. It also has helped me immensely in my own healingjourney.

In this book, my goal is to teach youeverything I have learned about healing from narcissistic abuse.Because of my strong faith in God, I will be discussing God a lot,as He has been central to my healing. If you do not share my faiththough, please keep reading anyway, as I am sure you still canbenefit from what I have learned.

Although everyones healing is different, weall go through many similar problems. Some problems are hard toconnect with narcissistic abuse as they do not seem related atfirst. I hope covering those problems will give you the answers youare seeking to help you heal.

Healing is not easy, and frankly, I believeit is a lifelong battle, no matter how strong or how weak yourfaith in God. The abuse is truly all-encompassing. There are manyups and downs, good and bad days. Some days, you are going to befrustrated with the symptoms and problems, and feel like giving up.Such things are all very normal, although you probably will doubtthat as you are going through them. You also may lose relationshipswith people who do not understand what you are going through.However, I want to encourage you to keep on moving forward! Yourworst day healing is still much better than your best day beingabused by a narcissist!