Chanel Jasmin Clark - My Family Can Kiss My Ass

Copyright 2021 by Chanel J. Clark.

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DEDICATION

I want to dedicate this book to my spiritual family:

Nina, Beth, Brandon,

Pamela, Charoletta,

A. Diamond, Thalan, Beki, Ashley, Nicole, Princess, Arnold, Toni, Robin, Colby

(If I have forgotten anyone, please blame my head; youre still buried deep in my heart).

I love you all.

~SWB

Jesus told them,

Only in his hometown, among his relatives and in his own house, is a prophet without honor.

~Mark 6:4

Table of Contents

Wow! I cant believe that I am finally getting around to writing this book about family dysfunction. Its been a long time coming. For the last three years, Ive been on a tangent to help people escape toxic relationships through my YouTube videos and nationwide support groups. Just about everyone I can think of, are having relationship problems with a narcissist. During my phone sessions when Im coaching my clients, I always ask about their childhood upbringing.

Nine times out of ten, what my clients describe to me is narcissistic abuse at the core of their traumas within their families. So many people dont even realize that they were raised by a narcissistic parent (or grandparent). Once I validate and confirm their suspicions about family, their understanding of their codependency issues become clear. We learn toxic-codependency in our youth and it is transferred over into our adulthood. This is why you would attract a narcissist as a lover. Your mother and father programmed you to be addicted to narcissistic energy because theyre narcissistic and they normalized the toxic behavior in your household when you were a child.

Let me start off by explaining my childhood upbringing. I think that I have been very transparent with my audience. I dont hide my scars. I actually use my life experiences to help people grieve through theirs. Im not ashamed of anything that Ive gone through in life, because all of those bad experiences with every narcissist I have encountered, led me to my God-driven purpose. Once you learn who you are and who God called you to be, everything from your past will make sense. It took me a lot of research and problem-solving to get to the root of my family background to figure out who I was and the direction that God wanted me to take.

I got sick and tired of jumping from one bad relationship to the next. Every time it would fall apart, I would drive myself crazy trying to figure out where I went wrong or how I could fix things. I went into fixer mode not realizing that I had been trained as a child, to serve everyones needs before mine. I mean, thats what a care taker does right? We take care of family. Actually, the term for this behavior is called Parentification. Its the process where a child/teenager is put into a role reversal position to act like the parent in their household. How many of you had to take care of your siblings because your parents were not around or either too lazy to be the responsible parent that theyre supposed to be?

And you wonder why you grew up to become an adult that takes care of other toxic adults before putting your needs first. Look at your parents. They are the ones that programmed you to be a care taker. You cannot fix everyone when you havent fixed yourself. Your parents dont want you to focus on yourself. They want you to remain codependent and broken (just like they are). If your parents are narcissists, they will want you to take care of them and become dependent on them well into your adult years. They want total control of your money, your relationships, your children and your soul.

Aside from that, lets talk about how your parents programmed you to become toxic-codependent. Before you lose your virginity, your family is already teaching you that your life is of no importance, unless you are married with kids by a certain age. If you notice, the family members who are married for a very long time are usually unhappy with their spouses. Your family would prefer for you to be miserable in a marriage instead of being happy, single and free.

Let me describe my parents toxic marriage for a bit. My mother was only 19 years old and pregnant with me when she tied the knot with my father. Both of them were too young and too broken to understand what they were both getting into. Some people claimed that my parents were actually in love, but after my own careful analysis, I call bullshit. They were both pressured into marriage by my grandmother ( Nana ) because she wanted to brag to the community that her son (my father) was getting married. She also pressured my parents to have grandchildren too (I was the first grand-child born into the family). My parents werent in love. They were two young, immature, controlling narcissists who were entangled with each other, who were governed and controlled by a greater narcissist (my grandmother). My fathers side of the family had a history of tumultuous, toxic-enmeshed, relationships and my grandmother wanted to carry on tradition by transferring the toxicity down to her sons to further her agenda of maintaining power and control. This was nothing more than a selfish attempt to save face to protect her Jezebel ways and her miserable marriage. All of it was a faade that would later transfer over to her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

My mother already had an established relationship with my grandmother in her late teens because she would do my grandmothers hair after school. It was then that my grandmother ( Nana ) was already playing matchmaker and planning my mother and fathers wedding in advance. Hands down, my Nana is a malignant narcissist. She is a very dominant, masculine, controlling, criminal-minded, divisive, mean-spirited narcissist.