Mona Alyedreessy - The Muslim Narcissist: An Islamic guide to understanding, surviving and healing from narcissistic and spiritual abuse

Copyright 2021 Mona Alyedreessy

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be replicated or reproduced in any form, without permission in writing from the author, except by a book reviewer, writer or scholar who may use quoted passages.

Edited by: Neda Shams

Published in the United Kingdom by: Independent Publishing Network

Date of Publication: 1st of December 2021

Author website: www.themuslimnarcissist.com

ISBN: 978-1-80049-998-0

Acknowledgments

This book is for my 18-year old self who would have loved to have read it, understood and known what I know today. Im so grateful to God for giving me the time, experiences and knowledge to write this book that I pray will help many people. I thank my incredible mother Dr. Samira Zaidan, who encouraged me to pursue a doctorate in this field and start writing and who made me aware of narcissism when I was a victim of it, as it greatly empowered me and made me stronger at the time. Im also grateful to my friends who were there for me, especially Selma, who gave me endless counselling when I needed it and helped me to understand myself and everything I had been through. Youre an absolute gem Selma. Im also thankful for all the wonderful Muslim scholars like Sheikh Hamza Yusuf, Sheikh Mohammed Al-Nabulsi, Imam Omar Suleiman, Sheikh Mufti Menk and Ustadha Yasmin Mogahed who were a source of valuable and very beautiful Islamic knowledge that kept me going and made me feel very blessed to be a Muslim. I also appreciate the videos made by the Supernova Empath YouTubers who educate us about narcissism and who supported me and so many other people in their healing journeys.

I dedicate this book to all my Muslim brothers and sisters who need to be set free from their egos, pains, societal pressures, false guilt, abuse and traumas that have caused their colours to fade. I pray that I can inspire you to pick up your brushes and paint your lives with bright colours, and most importantly re-connect with God on a deeper level, reclaim your faith and find yourselves in this book.

Table of Contents

8. Exploring the Cause of Mental Health
Disorders in Islam

9. An Understanding of Narcissism
from an Islamic and Cultural Perspective

10. An Understanding of Co-Dependency
from an Islamic and Cultural Perspective

11. The Need for Sexual Validation Among
Co-Dependent Muslims

12. An Understanding of Empaths
from an Islamic and Cultural Perspective

14. The Dangers of Social Media and Online
Marriage and Dating Apps

16. The Social Problems Muslim Narcissists
Cause

1. Introduction

I ts the 1 st of November 2020 and Prime Minister Boris Johnson has just announced that England will go into its second lockdown on the 5 th of November for four weeks. As everyone has been ordered to stay at home I thought now would be the best time to start writing this book that has been delayed for quite some time. As I sit on my bed in front of a blank MS Word page, I remember the words that inspired me to write about the plight of Muslims in the world we live in today.

There arent any nice and genuine practicing Muslims to marry anymore, looks like we are destined to stay single forever , Every Muslim guy I have met is a playboy, its hard to find someone who is serious about getting married, The beautiful Muslim women are all asking for high dowries and Im struggling to find a hijabi who is attractive and compatible with me. These are lines I hear in almost every phone call, discussion, counselling session or gathering of single Muslims over the age of twenty-five who are struggling to meet someone they can marry and start a family with.

Many people often question why it has become so difficult to find a suitable marriage partner despite the large number of single Muslims in our communities. Muslim marriage app CEOs proudly claim that they have hundreds and thousands of single Muslims registered on their databases, especially in countries like the USA and the UK. So, whats going on? It can be argued that finding a partner is more difficult for Muslim women, as social statistics show theres a greater number of single women than there are single men (on the apps too), so why do we still have so many young single men despite the increasing number of modern apps and services to help them connect with potential partners? One of the reasons why there are more single Muslim women than men in this generation is because according to Islamic law, Muslim women can only marry Muslim men. There are several reasons behind this, the primary one being that Muslim men are followers of the same mindset, values and lifestyle and can therefore be role models for their children who will be raised with the same beliefs and life goals too (to do well in life while pleasing God and earn a place in Paradise). However, the rapidly decreasing pool of suitable, practicing and morally sound Muslim men is causing a crisis for the Muslim women in our societies who wish to get married. They either end up marrying narcissists and abusers (knowingly and un-knowingly), because they ignore early red flags, marry non-Muslims, go through difficult trials to remain patient and chaste, which can cause depression, loneliness and mental health disorders and/or slip into a non-Islamic lifestyle if or when they lose their patience and faith. You may ask what causes the decrease in the number of suitable Muslim men these days? Well, to begin with, women who have qualities, such as being financially independent, educated, beautiful and belonging to a good family often have standards that many men are either unable to meet or are unwilling to make efforts to reach or exceed. Women complain that the men they meet both online and offline are not eligible because theyre not practicing and dont pray, are secretly married, are separated and not yet divorced, are single fathers with a complex parenting routine or problematic ex-wife, belong to a very different ethnic background and culture, belong to a different Muslim sect, are gay or bisexual, are narcissistic, are just looking for Muslim girlfriends, arent able to decide who and what they want, have difficult parents, are uneducated and/or unemployed, are mummys boys, have a criminal record, have a bad reputation, are immature, are unattractive, are too old or too young, arent financially stable enough, arent intellectual, ambitious or interesting, are after citizenship and other personal benefits, are too western and liberal, are too strict and religious, are drinkers, womanizers and drug users, are looking for casual sexual encounters or are too feminine and not manly enough. On the other hand, great Muslim men are struggling to find Muslim women who possess a joint combination of these five traits: being beautiful, practicing, educated, kind and interesting. It was found during my research that men are more likely to compromise on education if the other four traits are present and if the woman isnt excessively feminist. Many men have complained that some impressive women have put them off pursuing them for marriage because their feminist views were too strong. A Muslim man with the correct understanding of Islam will know and accept the rights that women are entitled to, but when he feels that a woman is too western in her understanding and practicing of feminism that may go against his cultural values or teachings of Islam, he loses interest. Good men are attracted to feminine women who know their rights but allow men to thrive as leaders, protectors and providers. However, good men can also fall into the trap of getting involved with narcissistic women who harbour an abyss of mental health issues that they havent healed or recovered from.