Lauren Kozlowski - What a Narcissist Does at the End of a Relationship: Dealing With and Understanding the Aftermath of a Narcissistic Relationship

Breaking up in normal circumstances is hard enough. If you throw a narcissist into the equation, it makes it all the more difficult. Not only are you left heartbroken from the separation, but the actions and behaviors of the narcissist post-break-up are nothing short of cruel, confusing, and downright crazy-making. You feel like your world has ended and you dont know how to rebuild it.

Amongst all of the heartache, youre also left wondering just how your narcissistic ex is feeling about the break-up. Has the narc discarded you and appears to have moved on without so much as a second thought about you? Or did you initiate the break-up, only to find your ex isnt prepared to let you go that easily? After all, when you break-up with a narcissist, youre essentially damaging their fragile ego; and they wont accept that without retaliating cruelly.

Regardless of how the relationship ended, narcissists all tend to behave and react in very similar ways when a relationship ends. Either their frail ego and narcissistic supply have both been shattered, or theyve discarded you and need to reap the egotistical benefits of that: both ways mean youll be the target of their emotional warfare.

This book will explain what the narcissist wants to achieve from their post-break-up behavior, why they act the way they do, and how their premeditated actions are supposed to make you feel and react. By knowing this, youll be better prepared to deal with the separation, and youll understand exactly why the toxic behavior youre being exposed to by the narc is directed at you.

Ive endured the emotional tornado of a break-up with a narcissist, and I know first-hand just how devastating it is. Not only do you need to contend with the mending of your shattered heart, but you also need to deal with the bewildering and distressing mind-games your ex is putting you through.

Why A Narcissist Discards You: Revisiting The Demise Of The Relationship

A narcissist will always end up discarding you. It doesnt matter if its you that left, or if they left, or how the relationship was severed. Regardless of how it went down, its undeniably hard to deal with the realization that the narc can live without you (almost too easily) and doesnt care how youre feeling. In fact, not only do they not care about hurting you, they actively strive to do it - they want you to feel low, worthless and pining after them.

Our post-break-up pain comes from their hurtful words and upsetting actions. This includes their complete lack of understanding, zero empathy from them, and no accountability or any remorse for what theyve done to us. We have to confront the shattering realization that our feelings mean next to nothing to the narc; they may even appear to have nothing but hate for us now, and are acting like theyre hell-bent on completely demolishing us.

I really do feel for you if youre suffering through the trauma of this. I know that until healing takes place, the heartache and emotional trauma are unspeakable.

Narcissistic Discard - The Heavy Shock Of The Discard

Falling from the pedestal you once were placed upon can come as a huge shock. The impact of you hitting the floor after being at the dizzy heights of being idealized by the narcissist is undeniably a sobering awakening.

Up until this point, we believed that we were the narcissists world, they told us that we were their everything. Their actions, at least during the love-bombing stage, certainly matched those words. Also, in the latter stages, when the narc begins to hoover us, the love-bombing commences once again, and they make you feel like number one yet again. Of course, all the narcissist is doing here is luring us back into their toxic clutches in order to keep us for narcissistic supply.

What we neglect to see until much later in the relationship is that we were a necessity to the narcissist, but not as part of a partnership. They dont view you as a human being with a soul full of emotion and feelings. Instead, we were the object to grant them their source of narcissistic supply we were simply used to feed off of our energy, enhance their significance, offer them resources, sex, attention and even money: whatever they need from you to silence their inner wounds of insecurity and insignificance.

The painful truth is that the narcissist is never, and can never be, in love with you. They arent capable of that. They are only ever in love with the narcissistic supply you offer them; their much-needed feelings of relief you offer them from their inner turmoil and inability to accept who they truly are.

You are simply a necessary object. An item to be utilized, a commodity, a thing to the narcissist. When you end up being no longer useful to the narcissist, they will devalue and discard you quicker than you can realize whats going on. Even more heartbreakingly, theyll often easily replace you with someone wholl offer them the narcissistic supply they require. Your replacement has probably been groomed by the narcissist and has been in waiting for some time already.

The narc aims to make you feel responsible for mending their wounds and ensures that youre forever dancing around their wants and requirements. They use you to their toxic advantage, and dont hesitate in scapegoating you as the sole blame as to why they act so horribly, are so negative, and are unhappy.

This is undeniably so confusing and hurtful when the one person in our life who is supposed to be loving towards us, be unwaveringly supportive and offer an abundance of empathy and care treats us appallingly. The heartbreaking truth we must accept is, if someone has a narcissistic personality disorder, we cant change the way they behave.

When youre discarded by a narc, the majority of the time, it wont end amicably and in a way that can be processed and dealt with humanely. The narcs techniques used to discard you are brutal. Chances are, youll be accused of all kinds of things, the type of things you know youd never do. They could possibly even accuse you of being a narcissist yourself - this isnt uncommon. The narc will convincingly declare that they were honest, caring, and trustworthy. They will try to make you believe that you carelessly threw them away and acted with a lack of respect and love for them.

Frustratingly, the narc will take zero responsibility for their behavior, words, lies, and actions, no matter what proof or evidence you have to support the fact that theyve been behaving poorly (to put it mildly.)

When it gets to the point that youre no longer adequately serving the narcissist, or aiding them in their quest to promote their false self, you will be discarded. They dont do it nicely, either - they completely delist you, making it their mission to discredit you and smear your character.