Scott - Its All About Her: Surviving The Female Narcissist

Lisa E. Scott

Smashwords Edition

Copyright Lisa E. Scott 2014

Published by Network Media Publishing

ISBN 9780985832728

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Table of Contents

With the rise of narcissism in recentdecades, more and more people are finding themselves inrelationships with narcissistic men and women. Narcissists are hardto avoid these days because our culture promotes narcissisticbehavior as glamorous and rewards it shamelessly. Narcissism hasbeen called an epidemic as studies show its increasing just asfast as rates of obesity. Research tells us that todays youth arethree times more narcissistic than their predecessors and a largepercentage of this increase has been attributed to a greater numberof narcissistic women. 1

I wrote my first book Its All About Himafter my divorce from a man who was diagnosed with pathologicalnarcissism to help others recognize and escape the emotional abusethat occurs in such a relationship. Ive been amazed by the numberof women who have reached out to share their own similar experienceof trying to love a narcissist.

More unexpected, however, has been theoverwhelming number of men who have asked that I write about thefemale narcissist. It is not easy for a man to admit hes beenabused by a woman, but such abuse is an unfortunate reality we canno longer afford to deny. In fact, in my research, I have foundthat female narcissists are often more cunning, manipulative andruthless than their male counterparts.

Why is it so difficult for us to accept thata female can be just as, or even more abusive, than a man? The mainreason for this is because we have been conditioned to believewomen are nurturers. Women inherently have more empathy andcompassion for others because they are equipped to provide primarycare and feeding to their offspring, right?

Unfortunately, what is not accounted for inthis widely held assumption is the fact that some women experiencean arrested development in their early childhood, which prohibitsthem from experiencing or feeling the kind of empathy required tosufficiently care for others. These women suffer from NarcissisticPersonality Disorder (NPD) and are truly incapable of love. It iscertainly unfortunate these women have failed to evolve in ahealthy way, but important to recognize in order to avoid beinghurt or manipulated by such women.

It is critical to understand that narcissistsare predators. Perhaps because one does not expect predatory typebehavior from a woman, the female narcissist can be much morecovert and stealth-like in her approach to lure her prey. A femalenarcissist knows how to manipulate a man into believing he ispursuing her when all the while she has targeted him from thebeginning.

Female narcissists use their physical assetsto attract, manipulate and control their victims. Whereas, men usetheir power and status to dominate, female narcissists havemastered the art of seduction and exploit the fact that many menare visual creatures. They target and hunt men they know will havethe means to cater to their needs and stroke their insatiableego.

It is often much more difficult for men tospot the red flags of narcissism early on in a relationship. Womencan often determine a mans intentions by seeing how patient he isto get physical. Its not quite so simple for a man. While findingsomeone of good character is just as important to a man, men areprimarily drawn to women via their sexual attraction, which givesan attractive woman a considerable amount of power over even themost discerning of men.

It is important you understand the type ofpersonality youre dealing with in a narcissist and stop blamingyourself for the pain and confusion you may be feeling right now.If you have been in a relationship with a narcissist for some time,you have been experiencing emotional abuse at the hands of someoneyou love, which is one of the most agonizing experiences one canhave in love and life. Please do not minimize what youre goingthrough and inform yourself by learning more. Knowledge ispower.

Its a deep and certain truthabout narcissistic personalities that to meet them is to love them,but to know them well is to find them unbearable. Confidencequickly curdles into arrogance; smarts turns to smugness, charmturns to smarm. - Jeffrey Kluger

Underneath the flashy exterior of anarcissist is a fragile ego, which requires constant attention andvalidation. The implications this has on a relationship are farmore damaging than you could ever imagine. Eventually, a narcissistwill belittle, criticize, devalue and discard you. Emotional abuseis inevitable in any long-term relationship with a narcissist. Theabuse is not only devastating, but comes out of nowhere and causesyou to question everything you thought you ever knew.

Narcissists are incapable of reciprocatinglove, which makes healthy relationships with them impossible. Whilethey appear caring in the beginning, eventually you realize, theyhave simply put on an act in order to win and secure your love. Theonly reason a narcissist seeks out a relationship is to ensuresomeone is always present to meet her never-ending needs.

She has a sense of entitlement which leadsher to believe she is deserving of everything from everyone; and ifyou want to sustain a relationship with her, you should be preparedto provide beyond what is typically considered reasonable. If youdont, she will be sure to remind you she can easily get this fromother men in her life with the snap of her fingers. A femalenarcissist prides herself on having a large circle of admirers(i.e. supply) available to stroke her ego at all times.

My ex-husband was a narcissist. Not justsomeone who exhibited narcissistic tendencies, but someone who wasdiagnosed with pathological narcissism by his own therapist.Someones narcissism is labeled pathological when it becomes soextreme they have no ability to recognize other people asindependent of themselves. They literally believe the worldrevolves around them and people exist to cater to their needs. Itis not just selfish, arrogant behavior that makes a relationshipwith someone like this difficult. It is much more complicated andthus, important to understand and recognize as early aspossible.

Knowledge is power and can betruly liberating.

While my ex-husband joked from day one aboutbeing a narcissist, it unfortunately took me eight years to lookinto the true meaning of narcissism and how it impacts arelationship. When I did, it explained everything to me and openedup a whole new world for me. I have made it a goal to share what Ihave learned with others so they dont live in the dark like I didfor years.

I wrote my first book Its All About Him tobuild awareness and help others recognize a narcissist beforegetting involved. I also started an on-line support forum at www.ThePathForwardNow.com/ where members talk about their attempt to love a narcissist. No oneknows what it is like to be in a relationship with a narcissistunless they have been through it themselves. Being able to talkwith others who are going through a similar experience is verycathartic. Our forum is a safe haven for members to share theirstory with others who can relate on a level no one else can.

I am frequently asked how to get over anarcissist. While there is no magic pill, you CAN and you WILL moveon with time and knowledge of who and what you are dealing with inthe emotionally void narcissist. Our current forum is full of greatideas and suggestions from members getting over such toxicrelationships. Based on the collective wisdom of this amazinggroup, dedicated forum moderators, personal experience andresearch, I have developed Six Steps I believe will help yourecover and move forward.