H.G. Tudor - More Confessions of a Narcissist

MORE CONFESSIONS OF A NARCISSIST

BY

H G TUDOR

All Rights Reserved

Copyright 2015

More Confessions of a Narcissist

By

H G Tudor

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the express written permission of the publisher.

Published by Insight Books

Dedications

To those who spar with my Twitter posts and blog musings, your invention and input is most appreciated.

Thank you.

Introduction

Hello and welcome back. I have committed more of my worldview to writing so that you may delve into my dark world once again. In order to provide you with insight into the way I act, think and do I have considered a variety of topics, which I am sure you will find of interest. The familiar triad of seduction, devaluation and discard runs through much of what I have written but by putting it in the words of a practitioner of the dark art of narcissism, you will get a far better understanding of the way I behave.

I know a number of you feel revulsion at what you read and that is an understandable reaction. You are after all a decent and honest person who has a healthy outlook on life. By reading my various observations and admissions, you will be able to better understand why I do as I do. This is priceless knowledge. You may wish to use this to remind you never to return to the narcissist who tore your life apart. The no nonsense style of delivery that I utilise may seem harsh but you already know what it is like to be on the receiving end of my kind and mines behaviour. These writings will serve as a useful warning never to go back. You may also wish to use the material to educate others; that can only be a good thing. Too many people have no idea about my kind and me until it is far too late. I am content for you to spread the word.

Finally, I should imagine that by gaining an understanding of why I behave as I do, it will assist you in laying to the rest the spectre of my involvement in your life. You may regard each piece as a hammer blow against the narcissist who you became entangled with as you seek to consign him or her to oblivion. This is your resource.

Sweet Caroline

I would like to tell you about an ex-girlfriend called Caroline. The song 'Sweet Caroline' was spot on. She was a positive delight. Nothing was too much trouble for her. She enjoyed helping people and when I met her all the hairs on my arms and the back of my neck stood up. My nostrils twitched, my pupils dilated and as I took her dainty hand, I could feel the power I would gain from this paragon of virtue already coursing through my body. To describe her as an empath would do her a dis-service. She was a super empath. If I was a vampire, I had just been given the keys to the blood bank.

Caroline had a huge conscience. It was sufficient to represent several people such was its scope and reach. This was marvellous for me as it ensured that she was completely open to my manipulative behaviour. Not only did I know that her decency, her caring nature and her honesty would make her susceptible to my overtures I also knew that she would not stand up to me or fight back. Ever. This is because I knew that she felt that standing up for herself felt alien and wrong to her. It was not something she was ever wired to do because she had never needed to do it. Everybody liked her and she revelled so much in helping other people she completely failed to see when people took advantage of her generosity because she was so caught up in being a good person.

I took advantage the most and would subject her to the entire array of my tools from my Kit of Devaluation. She would stand there sobbing in front of me, frustration and bewilderment overloading her emotions, as she would say,

"I would put my foot down with you, but it feels wrong doing that to someone who needs help."

It was mana from heaven. She would even tell me why she would not fight back. It felt wrong to her. This really was a carte blanche for me to do anything I liked and I knew always that she would not stay away or ignore me but she would try so hard to make everything all right and to try to understand me. She would be exhausted, eyes barely open as she tried to touch me and urged me just to tell her what was wrong and she would help me.

I did wonder if one of my kind had ensnared her previously, but she had not. I thought this because her thinking seemed automatically aligned to do what I wanted as soon as I had met her. Usually that takes a bit of time to achieve that state of mind on the part of my victim. I have to hammer their conscience into a particular shape so that they start thinking in a manner, which is calibrated to my wants and demands. Not with Caroline. This work had already been done but not by one of us, no, she came already programmed. She was the only one I found who was like that. She really was worth keeping. It was a shame she had to be taken away in the end, but I suppose even someone with as large a conscience as Caroline can only stand so much. I have not found anybody on her scale yet, but of course, I am always searching

A Matter of Choice

Dr O once asked me if I was familiar with the concept of utilitarianism. I swear she thinks I am some kind of epsilon semi-moron at times.

Yes I am familiar with it, are you? I replied.

Remember, I am the one asking the questions, she said coolly.

Whenever she says this to me, I feel like laughing out long and hard. These people suggest that I am some kind of abuser. That I am the one at fault and that I wreak havoc in peoples lives wherever I go, yet have you ever considered how they sit in judgement? They ask all the questions, invasive and personal questions and you are not permitted to query them. They get to learn all about you, every detail of your inner self (if you are stupid enough to offer it to them I do not, I am onto them you see, but plenty do) and they go away and pore over what you have said. They will often discuss it with a colleague and then come back with some half-baked hypothesis about who you are. I know who I am. I regard them as the abusive ones. Having me sat here subject to their interrogation. Who made them judge? Nobody.

Anyway, Dr O sat there waiting for me to continue.

It is the greatest good for the greatest number of people.

She nodded. Like I need her affirmation.

Do you subscribe to that point of view? she asked.

I know I should say yes and show some vestige of humane behaviour but I will not do so. Besides, when it really comes down to it, we all act for ourselves. They usually go on to ask would you rather nine guilty men go free in order to avoid an innocent man being convicted? Most people would say yes because the idea of an innocent person being convicted offends them. The utilitarian would reply they would not want that scenario because it would be better for the good of everyone that nine guilty men remain locked up and that one individual makes a sacrifice. What these head-examiners want to do is to get you to agree with the principle that we should ensure the greatest good for the greatest number of people. As a principle that sounds great. Lets have everyone happy. So you say yes and then they throw a number of scenarios at you where you can choose the greatest good for the greatest number of people of one, which benefits only you. Most people choose the latter and you are lectured about how we intend to do well but revert to self-preservation of others and ourselves close to us or some such claptrap. I do not intend to do good. I intend to preserve myself each and every time. Dr O is waiting for my answer.

No, I dont subscribe to that point of view.

Why not? Do you not think it would be better if each time you did something you caused the greatest good to the widest number of people possible?