H.G. Tudor - Revenge: How to Beat the Narcissist

Revenge:

How to Beat the Narcissist

By

H G Tudor

All Rights Reserved

Copyright 2016

Revenge:

How to Beat the Narcissist

By

HG Tudor

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the express written permission of the publisher.

Published by Insight Books

1. Introduction

If you want to achieve revenge over a narcissist there is only one person who can explain how to do this. The narcissist. That is because in order to exact revenge, true and proper revenge you need to understand what the narcissist fears more than anything and what will destroy the narcissist. Only the narcissist knows this. Only the narcissist can detail to you what it is that will achieve revenge and the methodology you will have to apply to secure this. Nobody else can help you do this. Others will have suggestions. Others will detail ways of countering our behaviours. That is not revenge. That is containing us. There are those who will advocate No Contact. No Contact secures almost complete freedom from our kind but it is not revenge. To achieve real revenge, you must heed the words of the narcissist. My words.

Revenge. Getting your own back. Getting one over on the enemy. Just desserts. Justice. Call it what you will these are all forms of revenge and at some point in our lives we will have experienced that burning desire to exact revenge on somebody who has caused a problem. It might by minor, for instance the first time somebody has pinched a toy from us at school as an infant and we want to get them back for it. It may become the desire to get revenge over somebody who has excluded us from a group of friends at school. It may be an instant response and one, which can be executed in a moment, such as winning the ball back at football after having been tackled. As we become older the basis for and the scale of seeking revenge increases. No longer do we seek a favourable outcome following some petty slight committed against us. We do not want justice for the theft of our sweets. The stakes have increased. We want revenge on the person who beat us unfairly to that promotion at work. We want revenge on the neighbour who plays loud music late at night and keeps us awake. We want revenge on the person who stole our boyfriend or girlfriend away from us. We want revenge for the bullying of our child or the unfair treatment of a relative. Revenge is a common and normal emotional response.

When you have suffered at the hands of a narcissist it is highly likely that you will experience a thirst for revenge. This desire is driven by the awful treatment that he or she meted out against you. The months if not years of repeated abuse, the silent treatments, the beatings, the put-downs, the disappointments and so on. All delivered against a backdrop of hypocrisy, contradiction, lack of responsibility and blame shifting. You have been put through the ringer. The cost to you may have been high. There is always a cost for the victims of the narcissist. Always you will have faced an emotional cost as you are left bewildered by what has happened to you. You are wondering why it had to happen to you and what was that you have done to deserve such treatment? You may be traumatised exhibiting the symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder such was the severity of the treatment that you have been subjected to. Your sanity may hang by a thread. The damage does not just end there. You may have lost friends, fallen out with family and face significant financial difficulties after the destructive tornado that is the narcissist has passed through your life. You may have lost your job or now be too ill to work. You may have seen prized possessions stolen or destroyed. Faced a terrible fight through the courts involving your children. Every facet of your life has been affected by this insidious creature, which arrived with love and affection and then in an instant turned into the devil. He or she will not even be done with you. Despite the fact they have left you dazed and confused in the gutter, the narcissist will still keep coming back, pulling your strings and looking to Hoover you back into his or her nightmare existence in order to extract some fuel from you. You cannot be left to piece your life together, lick your wounds and try and move on. The ghoulish narcissist continues to haunt you, preventing your recovery and seeking to administer yet more pain to you despite presenting with faux remorse and contrition.

It may take you some time to realise that you actually became entangled with and even once you realise this, it will take you even longer to process on an emotional level what has happened to you. You require considerable support from those support networks you may have left after the damage caused by the narcissist. Professional treatment is often required as you try to make sense of what happened, how you became involved in it and allowing all of this to be eradicated from your heart and your head.

Some people focus on putting their life back together, healing and moving on. It is a tough task and with the spectre of the narcissist nearby, it may prove impossible to ever return to the person they were before the emotional vampire swept into their lives. This victim will eventually learn about the application of No Contact and how this doctrine is the only way to ensure that the narcissist is kept at bay and thus they are given time and space to effect as much as a recovery as they can. The implementation and the maintenance of No Contact are difficult and require preparation, perseverance and considerable commitment. If you have not already I recommend you read my book No Contact: How to Beat the Narcissist in order to protect yourself and maximise your prospects of successfully applying this concept.

In some respects, you should regard the instigation of No Contact as a form of revenge against the narcissist that has plagued your life. No Contact works on the premise that by denying any contact in absolutely any form with the narcissist you will deprive him or her of fuel. Fuel is the lifeblood of the narcissist. Remove this and you threaten his or her very existence. You may face (dependent on timing and the type of narcissist that you are dealing with) a frenzied attempt to recover this fuel from you. The narcissist will want to destroy your attempt at No Contact, breach your defences and reinstate that precious fuel provision once again. He will deploy manipulation after manipulation in order to try to achieve this. If you maintain No Contact he will be forced to seek this fuel from other sources and thus you will, for the most part be left alone. By denying the narcissist the very thing that he or she wants and moreover needs you will exact a form of revenge against him or her. You will deny them their fuel and force them to go elsewhere to find it, leaving you to recover and put your life back together again. That is truly a form of revenge over the narcissist.

The difficulties involved in implementing and maintaining No Contact mean that should someone succeed in doing this and remove the narcissist from their life (subject to further Hoover attempts) mean that for many people this is as good as it gets. It may not be in their nature to want to do anything more than secure their own freedom and recovery. No matter how badly they have been hurt by the narcissist, no matter the extent to which the narcissist has ruined the victims life that person decides that they must focus on their own defences. They must secure their own safety, recovery and then they can move forward. It may not just be a case of that being the mindset of the relevant victim. He or she may have suffered such a devastating assault on their person and their life that they do not have the strength to do anything more than implement No Contact and to try to maintain it. Anything beyond this is a bridge too far. The weakened state they have been left in means they are obliged to use what resources they have been left with for the sole purpose of trying to maintain their No Contact. Anything else is too much.