H.G. Tudor - No Contact: How to Beat the Narcissist

No Contact:

How to Beat the Narcissist

By

H G Tudor

All Rights Reserved

Copyright 2016

No Contact:

How to Beat the Narcissist

By

HG Tudor

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the express written permission of the publisher.

Published by Insight Books

1. Introduction

The concept of No Contact is widely regarded as the most effective way by which a victim can escape the influence and effects of a narcissist. This is entirely correct. No Contact is the killer blow against the narcissist. It is hard to implement and even harder to maintain but I am going to discuss and analyse the concept of No Contact from the narcissists perspective which will give you a hitherto unseen look at how this principle works, how it affects my kind and most importantly of all it will provide you with the information and knowledge that will prove invaluable in your quest to beat the narcissist.

The starting point for understanding how best to implement and maintain No Contact is to understand what it is that the narcissist wants. Many people when asked this question will respond by suggesting things such as control, domination, superiority, attention, admiration, the destruction of those who oppose him and similar suggestions. All of those descriptions are correct but they happen to be by-products of the one thing that a narcissist wants. We want just one thing. The sole reason we engage with certain individuals is because they provide us with one thing; fuel. This fuel is the catchall for any form of emotional reaction whether it is through word or deed that another person provides to us. It may be an admiring look, attentive comments, angry insults, tear-filled pleading or a tender hug. All of these and far more amount to the provision of fuel. We need fuel. It is the very thing that secures our existence for reasons, which I have expanded on in the book Fuel. We require this fuel each and every day. This is why we invariably select a primary appliance to supply us with this fuel and then engage in creating fuel lines to lots of different alternative appliances (supplemental sources) to ensure we have a steady stream of fuel through our waking hours. The removal of this fuel is what we dread more than anything else. Puncture this supply or even worse cause its cessation and we are forced to take dramatic steps. Initially, we will strive to re-establish the provision of fuel by unleashing every manipulative device in our devilish toolkit but if the cessation continues we have no choice but to seek our fuel from an alternative source. We cannot be starved of this precious resource for too long. The consequence of this is not something that we wish to contemplate.

Accordingly, the institution of No Contact will bring about the cessation of the supply of fuel. We will fight to recover it, although amongst the lesser of our brethren this fight will be short-lived since the expenditure of energy involved in doing so will soon outweigh the potential gain. This, along with the fear of the consequence of being deprived of fuel for too long will force the lesser narcissist to seek out fuel from somewhere else. Thus, you will be freed from his or her grip. The greater narcissist will apply his or her manipulative wiles for a longer period, spurred on by the twin combination of the potentially ultra-sweet fuel that results from a successful Hoover and the desire to punish you for having the audacity to interrupt the supply of fuel in the first place. You will be subjected to a longer period as the greater narcissist fights hard to secure the supply once again and to lash out at you. Even when the lesser or greater narcissist has given up on the fuel returning any time soon they never truly go away. Should you ever allow them the opportunity; they will Hoover again in order to bring about the return of the fuel supply. The narcissist never vanishes. Instead, he or she sits like some dormant virus ready to spring into life when the conditions to do so are favourable. To this end, you must always be on guard to ensure you do not sail back into the narcissists sphere of influence. In a later chapter I explain what you can expect in terms of duration and intensity of Hoovering from either a lesser or greater narcissist in differing scenarios.

Thus No Contact is the fatal blow against the narcissist. By going No Contact, you will deprive him or her of the precious fuel and eventually cause the narcissist to leave you alone and seek fuel from some other source. You can never let your guard totally down but you will be able to live your life free of the toxic influence of the narcissist. No Contact is the stake through the heart of the vampire; it is the silver bullet that slays the werewolf and the kryptonite, which renders Superman just a man. No Contact is the thermonuclear weapon in the victims arsenal and if used appropriately and most importantly, when maintained, it will allow near total freedom from the influence of the narcissist. Whilst it may be the silver bullet you of course need to know how to fire that bullet and where to aim otherwise this golden opportunity becomes a lost opportunity to rid yourself of the narcissist who plagues your life. No Contact is a very simple concept. It is the complete and utter cessation of all contact with the narcissist on every level and in every circumstance. It is a complete shutdown of communications. It is the eradication of the narcissist from every facet of your life and the rigid and unwavering commitment to never straying from such a course of action. It is all about staying away and keeping away. Simple enough concept you will agree, yet whilst the concept is straight forward, the execution of this doctrine is far more difficult.

This is for two reasons. Firstly, it is because of what you will do. Secondly, it is because of what we will do. By the time you have any realisation that you have been ensnared by a narcissist you may well have endured years, many years, of the push and pull, the cycle of seduction and devaluing, the discard and the Hoover. You are unlikely to have realised what has happened to you without outside help because our ways are so subtle and insidious that you have little hope or realisation on your own. You need others to smash the brick of awareness in your face in order to wrench you from the false reality that we have created and deposited you in. Once you have been given this awareness the period of abuse that you have been subjected to will have been substantial and significant. You will be exhausted, quite possibly having had a nervous breakdown. You will exhibit the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder your confidence will be shot, your self-esteem will be on the floor, your coping mechanisms eroded and your capability for critical thinking eradicated. You are left in an extremely vulnerable position. This makes you highly susceptible to the Hoover to draw you back into the dance with the narcissist. You cannot be blamed for falling for this overture once again. You have little in the way of defences and then you face the charm, the seduction and the promise of the golden period once again. Few can resist this in such a weakened state and accordingly they become sucked back into the narcissists world once again. They enjoy a brief period of rejoicing as the narcissist rolls out the illusion that suckered the victim the first time around before the denigration and devaluation begins once again. This cycle will go round and round and round. Intelligent, independent, self-sufficient and strong people will fall for this seduction and the process of devaluation, discard and Hoover. There is no shame in admitting this because even the most socially adept, emotionally aware and intuitive individual can be and is ensnared by the narcissist. We are complete experts in the art of the seductive illusion. We have been created to seduce so we get our fuel. We have plenty of experience at luring people in with our sugarcoated words and empty promises and next to nobody can resist us. If you could not resist us at the very outset, before you became drained by us, what chance have you got when we apply such overtures when we have you in an exhausted and run-down state? Accordingly, the instigation of No Contact is very difficult for you because of the condition you find yourself in when you realise that you must deploy No Contact. Yet, your difficulties do not end there. Not only have you been stripped of the positive resources which would help you maintain No Contact you will be come under repeated and sustained attack from us as we seek to Hoover you. I will be detailing later in this book what you can expect to happen when you try and implement No Contact, the campaign that will be launched against you and the various Power Plays that will be deployed against you. Knowing that these are in the pipeline and how they will manifest will prove particularly valuable to you. You need to know how the narcissist will react once you make that decision to implement No Contact. You must know what is in store for you to allow yourself any chance of maintaining No Contact in a successful manner. Very few people implement No Contact in a successful manner the first time. There are four reasons for this.