H.G. Tudor - Confessions of a Narcissist

Think of this as pushing an ice cream scoop right into my brain.

Or perhaps more accurately, reaching a tentative hand into my swirling thoughts and grabbing a handful, which you can then consider.

What I am inviting you is to dip right into my mind.

As part of my efforts to elude those seeking to enforce their worldview on me (they laughingly call themselves doctors) I have agreed to detail and write about what I do so the world may better understand my kind and me. I'm happy to oblige. I love an audience

So, who are you?

That's an easy one. You are my soul mate. You complete me. You are the only one who gets me. I would die without you. I know we've not met yet but I feel a connection already and it's all down to how marvellous you are. I know it and I am so blessed that we are together. Nobody will love you the way I do.

Who am I?

Certain people have given me a label. That label has arisen from certain people that I have interacted with and also from a previous assessment my medical professionals (not the current doctors). I am labelled a narcissist. A narc. That label is irrelevant. Why? Because I am your husband, your mother, your sister, your boyfriend, your best friend, your boss, your neighbour and your favourite film star. I am everywhere. You need to wake up and realise this.

I was told I had to undergo some form of treatment. That was at the insistence of family. I have embarked on a number of sessions with the two doctors who have told me that they are working from a blank canvas. I understand they are working through assessing me and will then decide if treatment is required and what form that will take. My family have been more forthright in their own analysis. They state that I need to have treatment and that the nature of this treatment will be to ensure that I recognised and understood my behaviours and then to understand the impact it had on people. There was some discussion by them about trying to alter my actions. I regard all of this as a vanity project by my family and an utter waste of time. I know full well what I am and I know what I do and why I do it. You will see that as you read below. Unfortunately, if I am to maintain my liberty and more importantly a significant inheritance I have to go along with this farce.

During this process the doctors felt it would be beneficial for me (and apparently for you) to write down my thoughts and also to offer explanations for the things that I do. I have been encouraged to record and comment on my discussions with the doctors. In order to fulfil my obligations I provided numerous observations and confessions to those engaging with me. I also jotted down some thoughts and comments during the process. This was done to warn and educate those who do not understand the ways of my kind. These have all been contained in a concise form and cover a wide variety of topics. The concept, apparently, is to enable you to gain a better understanding of how I, a narcissist, think and act. It may answer some of those questions you have been unable to obtain an answer to after your own experience with one of my kind. You can read them in the order they appear in this book or take them randomly. Flick through the pages and then halt and see what you have landed on. Whichever way you decide to digest this publication, its content will provide you with a rarely seen worldview of my kind. That makes you rather privileged.

So, as I mentioned at the beginning of this introduction, you are the fortunate reader of what I think and do. I know you will be fascinated. Ready the scoop.