H.G. Tudor - Your Fault: Blame and the Narcissist

1. Introduction

Nobody likes to be to blame for something bad or disappointing that has happened. People want to claim credit for the triumphs and the fantastic achievements, some people often claim credit for the achievements of others or fail to give credit where it is due. When it comes to blame however nobody wants to shoulder it or take responsibility for it. Some people eventually do so as a consequence of their own moral compass telling them that whilst it is not pleasant to accept the blame, that it is the right thing to do. Some people apologise, accept they are at fault and offer an explanation for why they are to blame. Other people shirk the blame offering excuses as to why they may have smashed the window but how it is not actually their fault. The wind blew the ball towards the window and that was what caused it to smash. Then again there are other people who not only avoid accepting the blame but they actively point the finger elsewhere. They find a scapegoat. There is an increasing tendency in modern society for people to avoid accepting responsibility for their failings. There is also an increased attitude of needing to find someone else at fault. You see it each and every day.

How many stories have you heard of people taking legal action to sue for personal injury because they fell over something when if they had been watching there they were going and not had their eyes glued to their phone, they would have seen the obstacle and avoided it. They trip over the bollard and injure themselves. There once would have been a time that the person would have dusted themselves down, limped away and feel ashamed that they were so clumsy. That person would not have dreamed of claiming that the local authority was to blame for placing the bollard where it was without some kind of warning sign. You may have heard of the person who sued the manufacturer of a garment because he burned himself trying to iron it whilst wearing it. He claimed that the manufacturer should have placed a warning on the label not to iron it whilst it was being worn. I would have counter-sued his mother for failing to brand his forehead with the description Warning: This man is a grade A idiot. He had no concept of taking responsibility for his actions. We see criminals who trespass on a homeowners property who falls through a weak roof looking for compensation on the basis that the homeowner did not put up a warning and/or failed to ensure the roof was strong enough for a burglar to walk along. Too often people look to pin the blame on somebody. Once upon a time they would have shrugged and commented that accidents will happen and got on with their life. Not any longer. The warping of the moral compass, the erosion of an individuals sense of shame and the lure of a compensation payment as served to create a culture of entitlement. Someone must to be blame for this mishap. Yes, usually you, but dont let that stop you trying to blame someone else for your own shortcomings, especially if you think that some money will be coming your way.

This state of affairs has moved from accepting responsibility for ones actions and the consequences thereof, through to looking for someone else to blame and claim from moving on to fraudulently creating a situation where blame can be apportioned to someone else. Gangs have been established which engage in crash for cash. They will stage traffic accidents and then put in exaggerated claims for personal injury, car repairs and car hire, milking the insurance system as much as they can. Some gangs are involved in hundreds of accidents and the organisation behind these claim factories is quite staggering with whole families roped in to assist in the accidents and submitting false claims.

Take a teenage serial criminal offender. He knows what he is doing. He knows that it is wrong to steal from shops, to smash car windows and snatch that laptop left on the backseat. He knows it is wrong to wrench a bag from the shoulder of an elderly person and to spray graffiti over a wall. Yet notwithstanding the knowledge that his behaviour is wrong he will not accept responsibility for this actions. Why is that? It is a question which many working in and around the criminal justice system have grappled with for a long time and continue to do so. Is it the effect of the drink and drugs that causes him to behave outside of the acceptable social norms? Is it the fault of those intoxicants? Is it the fact that he has never had a stable male role model in his life and his mother does not care what he gets up to so long as she is able to sit watching daytime television with her bottle of vodka and ten cans of lager? Perhaps it is her fault? Is it the fact that he has been raised in a low-income household? Is that what is to blame for his delinquent behaviour? If every person from a low income home engaged in criminal activity there would anarchy. Doubtless there will be a line of apologists from social workers through to mitigating lawyers all opining that it is someone elses fault or something else was to blame for how this young man behaves. They miss the point. He is accountable for his actions. He chooses to behave this way. He knows it is wrong yet he still decides to do it. He wants to engage in criminal behaviour but he sees no reason why he should be accountable for it. It suits his purposes. He wants to retain his liberty and be free to do as he wants. He knows there will be plenty of people (all now making a living from preventing him owning up to his own blameful behaviour) who will pin the blame elsewhere. The list of excuses grows each and every day: -

His dad was never around.

He is picked on at school.

He doesnt eat enough fruit.

It is the influence of violent movies.

He has nothing to do and does it out of boredom.

This is his way of asserting himself.

He hasnt got the latest trainers and feels excluded by his peer group.

He was beaten as a child.

He wasnt beaten as a child.

He had over strict toilet training.

Always somebody elses fault.

Our teenage offender is not the only product of this environment whereby one does not accept responsibility for ones actions or recognise that sometimes mishaps can happen without anyone being at fault, they just happen. History is full of examples of people pointing the finger of blame elsewhere. Crops failed? It cant be anything to do with your poor farming technique can it? Why not blame it on the strange woman who lives on the edge of the village. She must be a witch. Look her nosed is hooked. Witch! Burn her! In 15 th century Normandy a cock was accused of laying an egg and had a lawyer appointed to defend him. When it could not be proved that the act was an involuntary one both the cock and the egg were burned at the stake. It was their fault. How many civilisations sacrificed animals in order to appease the gods following some kind of catastrophe? Blame the goat or the pig of the cow and sacrifice them. The fall of Adam was down to the fact that he listened to Eve, it was the womans fault (how many times have you heard that? More to come on that.) There were the wrong leaves on the line, that is why the train was late. The referees incompetence cost us the game. Hitler blamed the Jews. Philip Larkin blamed your mum and dad for fucking you up (although he did have a point there).

Human beings have an innate ability to always blame somebody else for misfortune. After every disaster there must be someone at fault. Someone did not plan properly, someone did not quickly enough, someone did not allocate enough money to flood defences, someone did not call out the army quick enough, not enough shelters had been built, not enough people were warned in time and on it goes. The spectacles of hindsight are put on and through them one looks for a scapegoat, someone to blame, someone to point at and say