H.G. Tudor - Sitting Target: How and Why the Narcissist Chooses You

1. Introduction

We never choose our victims at random. We engage in a careful and measured selection of those who we wish to draw into our world and serve our purposes. People put a lot of effort into choosing where they will live or the type of career that they will follow. We put plenty of effort, consideration and planning into choosing our victims. You may have performed the dance with the narcissist and now, having largely escaped, you may be wondering why you? Why were you chosen and treated like a queen and then thrown off the pedestal into the dirt below? Did the narcissist decide at the outset to subject you to this bewildering contrast in behaviours or were you just unlucky? You may still be in the grip of the narcissist and you are searching for answers as to what drew the narcissist to you in order to gain some understanding which will give you peace of mind and allow you to plot your escape. You may know someone you care about who has been targeted by our kind and you want to know why so you can reach out and help that friend or family member. Finally, you may belong to that rare group of people who knows about me and my kind and you want to ensure you see us coming. You want to know what it is that attracts our kind to your kind so that you can be vigilant and take steps to evade our clutches.

It may be the case you know other people who have fallen foul of our machinations. You may belong to a victim or survivor group where various war stories are swapped as horrific tales are exchanged about what has happened to each of you. Interestingly, many of these groups become little more than forums for two things; the detailing (sometimes on a day to day basis) of the abuse that is being doled out and a place to rail against the narcissist. Some clearly find it cathartic to explain in detail what the narcissist did to them today, or to ask others what their views are about the way the victim has been treated. Often these groups will go around in circles as the victim asks another, why is he doing this? What should I do? How do I make it stop? The bile and hatred for the narcissist is spewed forth and this entirely understandable. Pictures are created with the typically inspirational quote or message written underneath and posted in a valiant attempt to raise spirits and promote healing. Again this is all understandable and obviously has a value. However, I do not see these groups ever seeking to debate why each person was chosen. Many may think this to themselves but it does not tend to appear as something which is discussed. On the few occasions where it does, reference is made to the fact that the victims are empathic and are kind and decent people. Those are relevant and important traits but the simple fact is that these discussions do not get far because the victims do not really know why they have been selected. They do not understand the true nature as to why the narcissist picked them. Now you will be able to change that situation.

Did the narcissist choose you because you have green eyes or blue eyes or brown eyes? Did the narcissist choose you because of your job? The fact you have children or do not have children? Did he choose you because you have long hair or short cropped locks? Did he select you because of your choice of music, the nature of your favourite food or was it because you happened to be stuck in a lift together? Does the narcissist just choose anybody to be his victim and in reality has no discerning taste as to who he sinks his fangs into? Is it the case that anybody and everybody is a potential victim for the narcissist and everyone is at risk of becoming ensnared? I will be addressing considerations such as these.

I know from my vast experience that our victims, either when still in our clutches or surveying the aftermath of their tumultuous time with us will always wonder why me? I have written in other publications about how the need to know and understand is a central part of our victims psyche. You need to understand why things happen so you can then choose the most appropriate step to take. You are also often burdened with guilt and in so many scenarios you will ask yourself whether you were to blame. You will analyse your behaviour and the dance you performed with us as you try and gain some kind of understanding as to what has happened. We know that you will obsess (because we make you do it) over every detail of what has happened. You will recall each day of your involvement with us and be able to recount the events, the things said and the action taken in considerable detail although you will not understand what has happened. You will consider whether you ought to have done something in a different fashion, if there was an alternative which may have brought about a change in the outcome. As you sit mulling these events over, debating them with your closest friends and family members, one question will keep manifesting in your mind; why me? Why did he or she choose me? What was it about me that meant he or she wanted me? Am I bad person? Did I deserve to be treated like this in some way? Did I bring it on myself? Was I nave and missed certain clues as to this persons behaviour? Could I have done anything in a different way? Should I have listened more to what people were saying?

You may find yourself among a growing number of people who have been selected by our kind more than once. It is entirely common for this to happen. Some people do not realise that they have become enmeshed with one of our kind so that it happens a second and a third time. You may have been the victim of our kind through parental influence and then targeted by our kind in the context of a friendship or even more likely an intimate relationship. You ought to realise that being the victim of more than one narcissist is increasingly common. This is for reasons which I will expand on below.

Not only do you ponder why you were chosen but also you sit and look back and ask yourself, How the hell did that happen? How was it that one day you were making your way through life, attending to your home, carrying out your job and then some time later you were left devastated after being sucked into our false reality, spun around and around and then unceremoniously hurled to the wayside as we disappeared into the sunset arm in arm with our next victim? How did you get from confident and independent person to one who was truly suckered and mesmerised by our kind? How did we seek you out? How did we charm you in such a manner? How did we achieve all of this without you having any realisation as to what was actually going on? I wont be explaining how we charm and seduce that is for elsewhere, but what I will be providing you with clarity, is how we went about selecting you and we went about getting into position to then advance our charm as we love bombed you into submission. Much of this will be complete news to you but by learning about it you will gain understanding which in turn will allow you to apply it for your own benefit and the benefit of others.

Whichever group you happen to belong to you are in the right place if you are looking for answers. You will not find lengthy scientific and psychological explanations here. There are plenty of texts accommodating those who wish to delve into the narcissists world in that way, but they are often lengthy, rambling and fail to bridge the gap between the theory and the practical. This is not the case here. You have the distinct advantage of gaining this knowledge and information from a master practitioner of the dark art of narcissism. I am a narcissist. I have known this for some time as a consequence of my own intellect and also the repeated involvement of specialists who form part of my treatment, which is very much ongoing. As part of this treatment and also my desire to have an audience I have set down in writing many elements of the narcissistic lifestyle, worldview and behaviours in order to allow you to consider them and in turn gain a far better understanding of what we are and why we act as we do. Whilst victims and therapists provide a valuable role in aiding understanding and suggesting methods of recovery, they are not able to convey exactly what we think and why we act as we do, because they are not us. I am able to share with you my thoughts and actions, relay events which have happened in order to allow you to gain unrivalled access into the mind of the narcissist. This is not always comfortable reading but I am not going to pull any punches as to do so would insult you and we are not at that stage just yet! I will provide to you direct and uncompromising examples and explanations which will give you a level of understanding which you have not previously been able to access from other providers. I tell you exactly how it is, in terms which you can relate to and no doubt recognise but you never knew why the narcissist in your life behaved this way. That is all going to change as you delve into my world.