Jo Frost - Jo Frosts Toddler Rules: Your 5-Step Guide to Shaping Proper Behavior

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A Ballantine Books Trade Paperback Original

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Published in the United States by Ballantine Books, an imprint of Random House, a division of Random House LLC, a Penguin Random House Company, New York.

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ISBN: 978-0-345-54238-0

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To the special angels who love, protect, and guide me from above.
Thank you! I love and miss you very much.

When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.

UNKNOWN

W elcome! For years parents have watched from their living rooms as I helped parents transform the troublesome behavior of children and bring more peace and harmony to families. Youve seen me give advice to quickly resolve problems with hitting, throwing, and spitting; with children who wont stay in bed or who refuse to eat vegetables; with kids who wont listen. And time and time again, when I am out in public, people come up to me and say, I dont know how you do that, but it works.

The truth is that twenty-five years of experience with helping families has allowed me to develop strategies and solutions that work with kids in the heat of the moment. My vantage point in the homeworking with children and watching how their parents interact with themhas repeatedly afforded me the perspective to see whats really going on in a family, not just understand child behavior via textbook standards. More than just a loving nanny, Ive been a family troubleshooter!

You love your children and feel emotionally connected to them in every way. You want whats best for them, even if you dont know how to achieve it. Thats how it should be. However, because of your closenessand possibly because of worries or expectations you carry into the relationship from your own upbringingyou can sometimes fail to see what I can see. That doesnt mean, however, that I cant teach you what I know and help you gain your footing, because I can! In writing down what Ive learned and organizing my thoughts into five easy-to-use rules, I can be in your pocket all the time, whispering to you the secrets of getting it right. Embracing my toddler rules will give you what you need to know to keep your darling little ones headed in the right direction so that they become the kind, well-behaved, respectful individuals youd like them to be.

You may be surprised to see that four of my five rules are not what you might immediately associate with behavior. You may wonder why in a book on shaping behavior we are going to talk about sleep, eating, going out, and learning. Thats because I have observed that what seems like a behavior problem can actually be a result of an issue in one or more of these other areas. If parents dont put these fundamentals in place consistently, its not reasonable to expect your children to be well-behaved. My fifth rule is about good behavior in and of itselfhow setting expectations and modeling them in your own behavior gives children the gift of an example to follow. In the chapters devoted to each topic, I promise to outline the why and how of my rules, and give you ideas for how to handle the inevitable challenges (to your authority, to your consistency) that will sometimes be a part of their implementation.

Of course, it goes without saying that even with the most consistent and Rule-following parents, toddlers sometimes have a will that defies all logic, and youll see them act out in surprising and most definitely alarming ways. I can hear you asking me, Is that natural? The answer is yes. Toddlers are supposed to explore and test limits and learn about the world by pushing those limits. Remember, the goal here is not to make your toddler into a person who has to live and breathe within a rigid box that suffocates his or her spirit and personality. Rather, the goal here is for you as parents to understand the toddler rules and implement them as often, as calmly, and as consistently as you can, and to have my tools in your back pocket to use when your toddler shows defiant behavior.

If you watched Supernanny, Extreme Parental Guidance, or Family S.O.S. with Jo Frost, you will have heard me say to parents, You need to SOS. In this book for the first time, I will teach you the details of what that means and break down my SOS technique for being a calm, compassionate, and in-charge parent. SOS stands for Step Back, Observe, and Step In. I will teach you to be able to do this quicklywell make it second nature to you, so whether your toddler wont stay in bed at night, refuses his vegetables, or throws a tantrum at the mall, youll be able to assess whats really going on and act accordingly. Trust me, this is what I do with every family when the mud hits the fanand you can too.

Because thousands of parents ask me how to handle tantrums, I also offer a special section at the end of this book that is devoted to those upsetting and sometimes embarrassing outbursts that are so often the domain of toddlers. After years of observation, Ive discovered there are three types of tantrums, and I believe its vital that you be able to assess which type youre dealing with. Living with a toddler, youll no doubt experience all three types, but once you know which kind of tantrum youre seeing, you will be well equipped to put an end to it quickly and head it off at the pass in the future!

Raising children is not to be underestimated. Because our children need so much from us all the time, it takes discipline on your part to consistently meet your childs needs on a daily basis. I call that being a disciplined parent. Something you will become better at. And part of what a disciplined parent must do is to be a disciplinarian when a child misbehaves. I believe strongly that it is now an important time for parents to let go of the stigma attached to the words discipline and disciplinarian. I want you to feel proud to say, Im a parent who disciplines when necessary, because you understand its part of what your child needs from you. The good news is that when you put the basics in place and learn to SOS, many of the behavior problems you may have with your children will diminish or even disappear. Im incredibly passionate about sharing this approach with you not only so that you can provide the best for your child but also so that you can truly enjoy the experience of raising your little cherub and feel proud of the parent you are. Regardless of how you were raised, this is your time.