Dzhoel Harris - Uncle Remus and Brer Rabbit

Once pon a time, said Uncle Remus to the little boyBut when was once upon a time? the child interrupted to ask. The old man smiled. I speck twuz one time er two times, er maybe a time an a half. You know when Johnny Ashcake gun ter bake? Well, twuz long in dem days. Once pon a time, he resumed, Mr. Man had a gyarden so fine dat all de neighbors come ter see it. Some ud look at it over de fence, some ud peep thoo de cracks, an some ud come an look at it by de light er de stars. An one un um wuz ol Brer Rabbit; starlight, moonlight, cloudlight, de nightlight wuz de light fer him. When de turn er de mornin come, he uz allers up an about, an a-feelin purty well I thank you, suh!

Now, den, you done hear what I say. Dar wuz Mr. Man, yander wuz de gyarden, an here wuz ol Brer Rabbit. Uncle Remus made a map of this part of the story by marking in the sand with his walking-cane. Well, dis bein de case, what you speck gwineter happen? Nothin in de roun worl but what been happenin sence greens an sparrer-grass wuz planted in de groun. Dey look fine an dey tase fine, an long tords de shank er de mornin, Brer Rabbit ud creep thoo de crack er de fence an nibble at um. Hed take de greens, but leave his tracks, mo speshually right atter a rain. Takin an leavinits de way er de worl.

Well, one mornin, Mr. Man went out in his truck patch, an he fin sumpn missina cabbage here, a turnip dar, an a mess er beans yander, an he ax how come dis? He look roun, he did, an he seed Brer Rabbits tracks what he couldnt take wid im. Brer Rabbit had lef his shoes at home, an come barfooted.

So Mr. Man, he call his dogs Here, Buck! Here, Brinjer! Here, Blue! an he siccd um on de track, an here dey went!

Youd a thunk dey wuz runnin atter forty-levm rhinossyhosses fum de fuss dey made. Brer Rabbit he hear um comin an he put out fer home, kinder doublin roun des like he do deze days.

When he got ter de pint whar he kin set down fer ter rest his face an hans, he tuck a poplar leaf an gun ter fan hissef. Den Brer Fox come a-trottin up. He say, Brer Rabbit, whats all dis fuss I hear in de woods? What de name er goodness do it mean? Brer Rabbit kinder scratch his head an low, Why, deyer tryin fer drive me ter de big bobbycue on de creek. Dey all ax me, an when I fuse dey say deyer gwine ter make me go any how. Dey aint no fun in bein ez populous ez what I is, Brer Fox. Ef you wanter go, des git in ahead er de houns an go lickity-split down de big road!

Brer Fox roll his little eyes, an lick his chops whar he dribble at de mouf, an put out ter de bobbycue, an he aint mo dan made his disappearance, fo here come Brer Wolf, an when he got de news, off he put.

An he aint mon got outn sight, fo here come ol Brer Bar, an when he hear talk er de bakin meat an de big pan er gravy, he sot up on his behime legs an snored. Den off he put, an he aint got outn hearin, fo Brer Coon come rackin up, an when he got de news, he put out.

So dar dey wuz an what you gwine do bout it? It seem like dey all got in front er de dogs, er de dogs got behime um, an Brer Rabbit sot by de creek-side laughin an hittin at de snake doctors. An dem po creeturs had ter go clean past de bobbycueef dey wuz any bobbycue, which I dont skacely speck dey wuz. Dat what make me say what I doeswhen you git a invite ter a bobbycue, you better fin out when an whar its at, an who runnin it.

The little boy, when he next saw Uncle Remus, after hearing how the animals went to the barbecue, wanted to know what happened to them: he was anxious to learn if any of them were hurt by the dogs that had been chasing Brother Rabbit. The old darkey closed his eyes and chuckled. You sho is axin sumpn now, honey. Und his hat, ef he had any, Brer Rabbit had a mighty quick thinkin apple-ratus, an mos inginnerlly, all de time, de pranks he played on de yuther creeturs pestered um bofe ways a-comin an a-gwine. De dogs done mighty well, long ez dey had dealins wid de small fry, like Brer Fox, an Brer Coon, an Brer Wolf, but when dey run agin ol Brer Bar, dey sho struck a snag. De mos servigrous wuz de identual one dat got de wust hurted. He got too close ter Brer Bar, an when he look at hissef in runnin water, he tuck notice dat he wuz split wide open fum flank ter dewlap.

Atter de rucus wuz over, de creeturs hobbled off home de best dey could, an laid roun in sun an shade fer ter let der cuts an gashes git good an well. When dey got so dey could segashuate, an pay der party calls, dey gree fer ter insemble somers, an hit on some plan fer ter outdo Brer Rabbit. Well, dey had der insembly, an dey jowerd an jowerd des like yo pa do when he aint feelin right well; but, bimeby, dey greed pon a plan dat look like it mought work. Dey gree fer ter make out dat dey gwine ter have a dance. Dey knowd dat ol Brer Rabbit wuz allers keen fer dat, an dey say deyll gi him a invite, an when he got dar, deyd ax im fer ter play de fiddle, an ef he fuse, deyll close in on im an make way wid im.

So fur, so good! But all de time dey wuz jowerin an confabbin, ol Brer Rabbit wus settin in a shady place in de grass, a-hearin evey word dey say. When de time come, he crope out, he did, an run roun, an de fust news dey knowd, here he come down de big roadbookity-bookitysame ez a hoss dats broke thoo de pastur fence. He say, sezee, Why, hello, friens! an howdy, too, kaze I aint seed you-all sence de last time! Whar de name er goodness is you been deze odd-come-shorts? an how did you far at de bobbycue? Ef my two eyeballs aint gone an got crooked, dars ol Brer Bar, him er de short tail an sharp tushde vey one Im a-huntin fer! An dars Brer Coon! I sho is in big luck. Dars gwineter be a big frolic at Miss Meadows, an her an de gals want Brer Bar fer ter show um de roasn-yar shuffle; an dey put Brer Coon down fer de jig dey calls rack-back-Davy.