Cole - Asking about sex & growing up : a question-and-answer book for kids

When a family can talk together about sex, there are a lot of benefits. The kids learn about an important part of life from people who love them and care what happens to them. The parents make sure their children find out what they need to know as they grow up. Everyone feels good because the telephone lines are open. No one has to be all alone with a question, a worry, or a problem.

But its not always easy for parents and kids to talk. Some parents were raised in homes where sex was rarely, if ever, mentioned. They want to change that for their own kids, but its hard to do. Parents are embarrassed or uncertain, and that can make kids feel embarrassed, too.

It can help if kids understand this about parents. Feeling some shyness about something as personal as sex is commonfor adults and kids. Admitting that you feel awkward can make it easier to talk.

Some parents say, My kids dont have any questions about sex. That is probably not true. The children most likely are interested but dont know how to bring up the subject. Perhaps it has never occurred to them that sex can be talked about openly. Parents can encourage discussions by letting kids know they are available. A parent might say, Most kids your age have a lot of questions about sex. If you have any, Ill be glad to answer them.

Its good to remember that talking about sex is a personal matter. Its healthy to discuss it openly, but everyone has a right to his or her privacy. Parents want to be asked about growing up, but usually they dont discuss their own sexual experiences with their kids. Kids want to be accepted when they bring up questions and feelings, but they dont welcome prying. On both sides, information and values can be shared while privacy is respected.

Some parents think that talking about sex means having one serious session in which the adult tells the child everything. In fact, such a talk will not be all that helpful. Kids need to talk about sex and growing up many times as they reach different stages in their growth.

Often when sex comes up in conversation, parents automatically change the subject if kids are around. But a parent can use these opportunities to give information and to open discussions with kids.

Often parents feel they are not equipped to teach children about sex. How many adults remember exactly where the fallopian tubes are, which hormone triggers ovulation, or exactly why a boys voice cracks when it is changing? But this sort of information may not be what is really important when kids ask about sex. Biological facts can be looked up if they are needed, but they are often not what kids really want. They want a parent to assure them that wet dreams are normal, that puberty comes at different times for different kids, that masturbation does not do any harm. They need loving guidance rather than an encyclopedia of sexuality.

The book you are reading now is intended for preteen kids. These kids already hear about sex all the time. What they hear and see on TV, on the internet, and in the lyrics of popular music does not always give a healthy or even an accurate view of sexuality as it exists in everyday life. When kids learn about sex from adults they know and trust, they learn values and love along with the facts. They are then less likely to have sex prematurely and more likely to make responsible decisions based on their own best interests as they grow up.

Even though preteens need to be informed, talking with them about sex is not the same as talking with teenagers or adults. Most preadolescent kids have not yet experienced intense sexual drives. At their stage of development other issues, such as competence in school and sports and developing social relationships, are far more important than sex. They need to be informed, but they do not want to be overwhelmed by the entirety of adult sexuality. Therefore, the answers in this book are short, geared to the interests and needs of the age.

Some kids may be ready to read this book all at once. Others may want to skip around from subject to subject. Or they may read a bit now, put the book away for a year, and rediscover it later, when they have new questions.

Parents will probably want to read this book along with their children, and will also find other books available in the parenting sections at libraries and bookstores. As children move into adolescence, they may want to read some books that deal with the special concerns of teenagers.

In addition to the information kids may get in school, from the media, and from their peers, kids need loving guidance about sex at home. I hope this book can be a helpful part of the talks between parents and kids in your family.

How do kids change?

As you grow up, your body changes. The first change everyone notices is that you keep getting bigger and taller and stronger. But your body grows in other ways, too. It changes from a childs body to an adults body. It gets ready for reproductionfor the time when you may choose to become a parent.

What is puberty?

Puberty is that time in your life when your body changes from a girl or boy to an adult woman or man.

What causes puberty to start?

The changes of puberty start when a gland in your brain releases a chemical called a hormone. This hormone travels in your bloodstream to your sex organs and stimulates them to release hormones of their own. All these hormones tell your body to start changing.

Is it normal to be curious about growing up?

It is natural for boys and girls to be curious about what will happen as they grow. You may have already noticed some changes in your body, and you probably want to know what the changes mean. If you have not yet started to develop, you still probably have questions to ask. You may not want to talk and think about growing up all the time, but if you are like most kids, you wonder what it will be like.

In addition to having questions about their own bodies, boys are usually curious about girls, and girls are curious about boys. This is natural, too.

Is it okay to ask about sex?

Kids hear a lot about sex on TV shows, in the news, on the internet, and from other kids. Often everyone else seems to know all about everything. You might feel embarrassed to say that you dont know, but inside, you might still like a better explanation.

If you do ask about sex from a good, reliable sourcea parent, a relative, a teacheryou might find out that some of the things you heard werent quite right. You might see that some of the people who seemed to know everything didnt know so much after all. You might find out that you were worrying about something that you didnt have to worry about.

It is good for you to have straight, accurate information about sex. It helps you feel comfortable about yourself and your body, and it helps you make better choices about your life as you grow up.

One day Emilys little sister saw her cousin Sam in the bathtub. She pointed to his penis and asked, Why dont I have one of those?

Emily couldnt help smiling. She told her little sister that boys and girls are different. Boys have sex organs on the outside, where they are easy to see. Every girl is born with her own sex organs, but they are not as easy to see as a boys. Some are inside her body, and some are on the outside, between her legs.