Caitlin Spencer - Please, Let Me Go: The Horrific True Story Of One Young Girl’s Life In The Hands of British Sex Traffickers

I think of my life in blocks. There was before, then there was when it all started and what happened, and then theres now. Most of the time, I am stuck in the middle section its hard not to be. Not only did it take up most of my life, its impacted on everything. I think its even impacted on my before because I cant have the memories of then without knowing whats coming.

As Ive written this, Ive found it hard to think of anything good. Its not that I dont have any nice memories, its that sometimes I deny myself thinking of anything thats good because I know it will all become tainted when the other memories come rushing in. But I have to try, I know that. Its only if I show you just how ordinary a child I was that youll see just how low I was taken, just how broken they made me.

Before it all began, in the first block, I was a very nave girl I didnt have a wild life and I wasnt always trying to be something or someone else. I was a skinny little thing, and I usually had scraped knees and a muddy face because I liked to be outside all of the time. I dont know if I was always like that but certainly, from the time I was about ten, I never wanted to be inside.

My life was quite straightforward when I was on my own. I had a younger brother called Sam, and I had a mum and dad. Sam was a lot younger and we were very different so I never hung around with him in fact, I preferred to be as far away from him as possible. I was such a tomboy, with secret hiding places, who loved climbing trees and spending all day in the fresh air. I would grab an apple from a tree for lunch, climb over fences, paddle in streams, run everywhere. I just loved being outdoors and I loved animals. Always on the lookout for strays, I was constantly drawn to anything that I could cuddle. From an early age I knew that I would want to work with animals when I grew up, but that seemed a long way away, and for the time being, I just wanted to have some of my own.

I was always bringing kittens home our neighbours cat seemed to be permanently having litters and I vividly recall one day when the neighbour said to me, very casually, If I dont find homes for these, Ill have to drown them.

Drown them! I was horrified. I got very emotional about animals and the thought of someone willingly, knowingly, causing any harm to any living creature made me feel ill. I made a decision there and then, without thinking of the consequences: Id save them. So I took two of the kittens home and hid them from my mum. I didnt really think it through, I just wanted to get them away from the awful woman. When I held them in my arms, I could have wept with how much love I felt. They were so tiny, so young that I could feel their little ribs beneath my fingers and the beat of their hearts when I held them. I loved the way they jumped up to rub their heads against my chin, and how they tried to nip me with their little teeth. I didnt really think ahead I just loved them immediately and wanted to keep them.

I had a massive cupboard in my bedroom and managed to keep them there for two whole weeks. We had cats anyway, so I just pinched some of their food every day and took it up to the little ones. I spent hours playing with them, cuddling them, emptying their makeshift litter tray but when Mum found out, she went mad. I dont know why; surely two more cats wouldnt have hurt? They were only little, but she wouldnt budge, so the kittens went. Mum found another home for them and I cried my heart out. I was always able to cry over animals, always able to relate to their pain, and I could never bear the thought of someone harming them.

We also had rabbits that were always having babies, we had pigeons that the person before us had left when they moved, and we had the cats. But it wasnt enough. Id have filled the house with animals given half the chance. I think thats why I loved the outdoors too. Not only was there a lot of wildlife, but I always lived in hope that Id find some abandoned or needy creature that I could save. I was drawn to them drawn to helping them. With my friend, Lucy, I could spend all day outside. Wed go off into the countryside to some closed paintball woods as soon as we got changed from school, or at weekends and school holidays. I hung around with Lucy a lot while I was at primary school, and until I was about fourteen. In those days I was quite happy, at least for the bits that I can remember, but there are some gaps in my memory now Ive even lost the happy bits, bits I would love to remember.