Scott Meyer - An Unwelcome Quest

Also by Scott Meyer

MAGIC 2.0 SERIES

Off to Be the Wizard

Spell or High Water

A COLLECTION OF BASIC INSTRUCTIONS

Help Is on the Way

Made with 90% Recycled Art

The Curse of the Masking-Tape Mummy

Dignified Hedonism

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, organizations, places, events, and incidents are either products of the authors imagination or are used fictitiously.

Text copyright 2015 by Scott Meyer

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without express written permission of the publisher.

Published by 47North, Seattle

www.apub.com

Amazon, the Amazon logo, and 47North are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc., or its affiliates.

ISBN-13: 9781477821404

ISBN-10: 1477821406

Cover design by inkd

Library of Congress Control Number: 2014948928

CONTENTS

The following is intended to be a fun, comedic sci-fi/fantasy novel. Any similarity between the events described and how reality actually works is purely coincidental.

PROLOGUE

It was a momentous day in Camelot. Not as momentous as the day a time-traveling computer enthusiast named Phillip showed up, called himself a wizard, and demonstrated the ability to do what appeared to be genuine magic. Not as momentous as the day another wizard calling himself Merlin talked the king into changing his oldest sons name to Arthur, and the city of Londons name to Camelot. Certainly not as momentous as the day construction of the monstrously huge, gold-plated castle at the heart of Camelot had been completed.

All of these things were made possible by a computer file that Phillip, Merlin (or, as he was originally known, and would be known again one day, Jimmy), and all of the other wizards had found. The file proved that reality was merely an artificial construct controlled by a computer program. Manipulating this file allowed one to manipulate reality itself, travel in time, and create things that were, in a word, magical. Things like the initiation of a new wizard, which was the particular momentous event scheduled for this day.

What nobody knew was that this would also be the day that the wizards of Camelot first found reason to expel a wizard and exile him back to his own time. It was, as weve established, a momentous day.

Every wizard in Europe was gathered in the main ceremonial hall of the castle Camelot, eating good food that was bad for them, drinking very good drinks that were very bad for them, and generally enjoying themselves, because that was how the initiation ceremony worked. Besides, the powers they gained from their use of the computer file ensured that the food and drinks couldnt really hurt them, which made the party all the more enjoyable.

Twenty or so wizards sat around a table that would have filled any reasonably sized room, but which was almost lost in the vastness of the great hall. The hall was a cavernous expanse of polished marble and gold. The wizards all wore flowing robes and pointed hats. Most of them had staffs leaning against the table or lying on the floor behind them. A few had wands. Every group has its nonconformists. All of them, regardless of their personal magical-prop preference, were just finishing their meals.

So, Gary, howd you enjoy having an apprentice? Phillip asked, before taking a swig of beer from his large earthenware stein.

Gary winced, which was funny, because that was exactly how most of the people who knew Gary had reacted when they heard it was his turn to train an apprentice.

I dunno, Gary said. It was cool, I guess.

Gary lapsed into a silence that begged those who heard it to ask for more detail. Phillip responded with a silence that invited Gary to keep talking.

We, uh, we didnt really hit it off, Gary continued, shaking his head. He was a tall, spindly man with limp black hair and a limp black robe. When he shook his head, the ends of his hair waved like the tassels on the dress of a flapper dancing at a funeral.

Tyler asked, What do you mean? Did you fight?

Tyler and Jeff were the other two members of the contingent from the small town of Leadchurch. Tyler was one of the few black men who had ever found the file and used it to go to Medieval England instead of, say, ancient Morocco. Jeff was a slightly built man with black hair and a brilliant mind. He had been a successful engineer before finding the file. Jeff and Tyler were good friends with Phillip, and even better friends with Gary. They usually spent a great deal of time hanging around with Gary, because he was fun, and his place was something of a party house, or in his case, a party skull-shaped cave. They had deliberately kept their distance since Gary had been assigned his trainee.

We didnt fight. Nothing like that, Gary said. He looked to the far end of the table. The trainee being initiated was sitting at the head of the table being lightly brainwashed by the chairman of the wizards, Merlin, as was also the custom. The Leadchurch wizards were sitting at the far end of the banquet table, and Phillip was taking periodic breaks from the conversation to glare at Merlin, his face a mask of loathing and scorn. Again, this was the custom.

Its just... Gary struggled, our senses of humor didnt really mesh.

Jeff said, So he didnt think you were funny. Big deal. Neither do I, most of the time.

No, Gary said, its not that he didnt think I was funny. Its that he thought I was funny at the wrong times. If I said or did something I thought was funny, it would just confuse him, but occasionally Id say something serious and it would make him laugh.

For example? Phillip asked.

When I told him that we could make it so we didnt need air or water, but we couldnt figure out how to not feel like we need them, he thought that was the funniest thing ever. I told him it would be horrible, and he said, So we dont do it to ourselves. Just save it for someone else. He even wrote up a quick macro, just to prove it could be done. It makes you invisible too. He called it ghosting.

I can see how that would make you uncomfortable, Phillip said.

Gary said, I know, right?

Well, I wouldnt worry, Tyler said. It wouldnt work.

Phillip looked to the end of the table. Jimmy (everyone called him Merlin, but to Phillip hed always be Jimmy, or that jackass Jimmy , if he was feeling particularly honest) was leaning toward the trainee, smiling broadly and chuckling as he said something Phillip was certain wasnt funny. The trainee had dark brown hair and a face that was mostly nose. He wore a brand new chocolate-brown robe. His staff, a varnished piece of wood as straight as a tent pole, topped with what appeared to be a red mushroom with white dots on the cap, leaned against the table. The trainee looked on impassively as that jackass Jimmy laughed out loud and slapped the trainee on the shoulder.

Whats his name again? Phillip asked.

Todd, Gary answered.

Wheres he from?

Phoenix, Arizona. 2005.

Whered he find the file? Tyler asked.

He never said, Gary answered with a shrug.

What do you mean, He never said? Jeff asked.

When I say He never said, what I mean is that he, Todd, never said. I cant break it down any farther than that.